<p>Vocations director! I’m imagining a guy like the Maytag Repairman in the old advertisements . . . .</p>
<p>
Well, it’s not like they will turn him away if he shows up 5 years from now and wants to go to the Seminary, lol. Our primary concerns are:</p>
<p>1) Are the programs at Colleges X, Y, and Z adequate background so as not to add more years to the process? Or would he still be required to go to the minor seminary for a year (or more) after his BA?</p>
<p>2) Does the church provide any support (financial or otherwise) during his time at X, Y, or Z, as they apparently do for those at the minor seminary?</p>
<p>3) Is there a lot of pressure to go the minor seminary route (we know the voc. director is very keen on it)?</p>
<p>2)</p>
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</p>
<p>Here in America? She does this?</p>
<p>^Tips come in many forms…</p>
<p>In reply to post 83:</p>
<p>Yes she did, much to our embarrassment. It was hard to convince her not to and that it’s meddling. Has to do with the culture, she truly meant to be helpful. And she’s a really nice person. Btw, this wasn’t the only cultural challenge…</p>
<p>update on this thread
So it currently appears that DS will apply to the diocese for admission to their program. They will send him to the college seminary in Erie and determine which college he will attend (Gannon U). Kind of like joining the army except we still have to pay (how much we don’t know yet). </p>
<p>MIL/FIL are still going on about how he should do something else, and how he is too young to do this. H and I are doing our best to accept/adjust to this situation. We are hoping everyone will get on board sooner or later. </p>
<p>Was rather shocked at Christmas dinner when nephew in town for the week (16) said a nice grace and FIL started raving about how HE should be a priest. Way to support, g-pa.</p>
<p>Best wishes for you son. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>Thanks for the update, Sylvan. Your son shows a lot of tenacity – I hope that the seminary is a good experience for him.</p>
<p>sylvan, it doesn’t sound like you and your H are overly thrilled about his choice either; you’ve said “coming to terms with” and “doing our best to accept/adjust.” Have you shared those feelings with the in-laws? Regardless, they may be picking up on, and exploiting, your own ambivalence. I may be way off base, but I can see that they’d be awfully hard to take if they are voicing out loud your own misgivings. </p>
<p>N.B.: This does not excuse their interference and insensitivity. They don’t sound like the kind of people who are going to back down in the face of polite requests or reasoned arguments. Your best approach might be a combination of vaguely acknowledging their statements, followed by a quick change of subject. Grandpa’s comment about your nephew’s prayer was inexcusable, but he would probably see nothing wrong with it even if you told him. They’re clueless about the fact that they don’t have a vote here, and clueless about how their remarks affect others. Some things just have to be accepted, unfortunately.</p>
<p>I, too, admire your son. Following God’s call always comes with challenges, and he is meeting them head-on. You should be very proud of him!</p>
<p>I’m with those who feel that if family members continue to second-guess the decisions or otherwise meddle in the affairs of other family members…they’ve clearly shown they do not respect others in terms of boundaries and more importantly…knowing when to mind their own damned business. </p>
<p>YMMV, but IME…the family members most prone to doing this are ones who are the most ill-informed about the given subject matter and if I had followed their advice…I’d literally be up the creek educationally and otherwise. </p>
<p>Moreover, this behavior tends to deny adequate space/opportunities for less naturally assertive/rebellious adolescents to learn how to make their own life decisions themselves. When will the adolescent be given the space and opportunities to make their own decisions and learn from the consequences of them? During the time they’re home in childhood and adolescence or when they head off to college/working world and find themselves lost when Profs, college administrators, and employers expect 18+ young adults to be able to function much more independently with little to no handholding from parents/family members? </p>
<p>I’ve seen how so many high school classmates and friends have had many regrets about blindly conforming to the dictates of family when they found being a medical doctor, engineer, lawyer, ibanker/finance, or some other seemingly highly lucrative career was a horribly poor fit. To add insult to injury, it turned out to not be very lucrative because of the poor fit and/or the fact the advice giving family were not nearly as well-informed as they thought. </p>
<p>The decision of major/career is that of the OP’s S and no one else as it will be his to live and to enjoy/take responsibility for and no one else’s. </p>
<p>Grandma IMHO does not get a say…unless she offers to defray all education expenses…including spending money for leisurely activities to sooth the possible pains of following her diktat. :D</p>
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<p>As a fellow Asian-American I can relate as I have experienced this a lot during my late high school years and especially at 17 when I went off to college. Though such family members do care, this is also a way for older relatives/grandparents to continue exercising undue influence/power over younger/less assertive members of the family. </p>
<p>Didn’t help that mom’s side of the family tend to be extremely pre-professionally oriented and disdainful of intellectualism/learning for learning’s sake…and loving to force that view on others while my immediate family and I feel that the latter is vital not only for one’s own intellectual growth, but also for long-term success in other areas of one’s professional and personal life. </p>
<p>Ironically, mom’s side of the family is much more “Westernized”* while expecting undue deference to their opinions implicitly on the basis of Asian cultural norms while my parents and I subscribe more to the intellectualism derived from a mix of Confucian scholastic traditions and Western ideas of the importance of a strong liberal arts education. </p>
<p>Way i dealt with their disdain of my choice to attend an LAC and to major in history rather than pre-med, especially from a meddlesome aunt was to propose two points:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If the family/she are so insistent on my being pre-med and focusing on biological sciences, they’re more than welcome to defray my undergrad and medical school expenses. </p></li>
<li><p>They’re also welcome to be on the hook to fully pay for any malpractice suits I may have to deal with as a practicing doctor. :D</p></li>
</ol>
<p>After explaining the above, never heard another peep out of her or anyone else from that side of the family about majoring in pre-med or something “lucrative” like business. </p>
<p>The latter “suggestion” is amusing considering comments from many HR colleagues/hiring managers in corporations/financial companies about how they regarded undergrad business degrees from anyplace other than topflight elite schools like Wharton, Stern, or McIntire as little better…and sometimes worse than liberal arts degrees because of past bad hiring experiences. </p>
<ul>
<li>Really a form of Chinese merchant-materialistic attitude once deemed so selfish and antithetical to a harmonious society that the traditional Confucian social order actually ranked merchants at the very bottom of the 4 occupations (1. Scholars/Scholar-officials 2. Farmers 3. Artisans 4. Merchants).</li>
</ul>
<p>OP: I think that decision to pursue a major is of your DS and the only persons who can give any opinion without asking is the parent.</p>
<p>No grandparent whether your side or DH’s has any right to say without asking opinion by your DS.</p>
<p>But I 've a separate question on this:
</p>
<p>Is this program similar to the following?
Madrasah, which is the Arabic word (of Semitic origin; viz Hebrew Midrash) for any type of educational institution, whether secular or religious (of any religion).</p>
<p>If it is similar to the above then I think it will be better for your DS to go thru a normal education and take up religious/faith studies afterward.</p>
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</p>
<p>I got the answer in this and I think DS grandparent might have a point in that case.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is advisable to give up normal studies to go into religious studies after high school.</p>
<p>POIH: As I understand it, the OP has not asked for our viewpoints on her son’s choice. She’s asked for our help in getting her MIL to stay out of it. </p>
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</p>
<p>That includes us. ;)</p>
<p>LasMa: True, but it doesn’t hurt to point out the flaw in judgement.</p>
<p>It’s up to OP to take it or leave it.</p>
<p>Sylvan…Many blessings to your son and wishing him a wonderful journey through his education and calling.</p>
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<p>I am Jewish, and know next to nothing about seminary, but I know enough to say that training to become a priest is absolutely NOTHING like the madrasahs run by the Taliban where all students do is read the Koran 24/7. </p>
<p>Out of curiosity, I looked at the Gannon University website, and my thought was confirmed. The website says: “While Philosophy remains a highly recommended major for preparation for graduate studies in theology, most other majors offered by Gannon University are deemed appropriate.” Gannon seems to have a wide range of majors, so a seminary student can have a broad-based education in addition to the required philosophy, theology and Latin courses. In fact, only 12 credits of theology is required.</p>
<p>Your diocese does things differently than my current diocese (nd my former diocese in Calif. In those dioceses, a young man can major in whatever he wants and go wherever he wants for undergrad, include those theology courses, etc, and then go to seminary - either one run by that diocese or to one that the diocese uses. Our current diocese lets young men choose from about 6 seminaries. My former diocese uses the seminary that the LA Archdiocese owns/operates. The dioceses pay for seminary.</p>
<p>I don’t understand the idea that the diocese is selecting the undergrad and expecting you to pay for it. That seems weird to me. After all, what do they do with young men who are already in college (make them change schools???) or with the ones who’ve already gotten their undergrads? </p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong…I understand why they have you pay for the undergrad, but I don’t understand how/why they get to select the undergrad. You should be able to select the undergrad (especially if the choices are Catholic U’s) based on what you find affordable. Certainly, they don’t want priests burdened with debt that might happen by attending a diocese-chosen school. </p>
<p>If your son gets some good financial offers from other Catholic U’s, I would certainly pursue getting approval of attendance at those schools.</p>
<p>ParentofIvyHope - fireanddrain is right, the curriculum will probably be a dual major in philosophy and theology, and other core courses as required by the university. I am not sure exactly what your concern is, but maybe you could expound on it some more? Is it that they are being indoctrinated or something akin to that?</p>
<p>mom2collegekids - There are several ways in which this program works. If the candidate enters right out of high school, they are sent to the college seminary for “formation”. They live at the college seminary, spend regular time praying and having meetings, lectures, etc., and also attend classes at the university (as commuters, since they are several miles apart). If they take enough theology and philosophy courses to fulfill the seminary pre-reqs, when they graduate they can go directly to the major seminary (no choice there either). The major seminary is 4 years plus one year like an internship, then they can be ordained.</p>
<p>If they get a degree first and THEN apply to the diocese, they are commonly sent to the (same) college seminary for 1 to 2 years in order to get the required pre-req courses and spend time in “formation”. So that adds extra time before they get to the major seminary. </p>
<p>We have inquired about the possibility of choosing a different combination of Seminary College + University (in NYC) and so far the answer is no. (Every diocese can make these decisions on their own so some places do allow for a choice.) You might think that with the current shortage of priests, they would try to be accommodating, but they see it as being about THEM, not about the candidate. It’s THEIR vocation. Like the army - even if there is a shortage of volunteers, the volunteers don’t make the choices, the army does.</p>
<p>As for paying, we don’t know exactly how that is all going to work yet. He has been offered a scholarship at the U, and there is supposed to be some kind of tuition discount for the seminarians. Room and board we have no idea about. We are compiling a list of questions for the vocations director. Once they get to major seminary, the family is still supposed to pay about 1/3 of the cost.</p>
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<p>So it’s ok for grandma to be disrespectful to a student who is waitressing and who just wants to ensure that everyone has their meals and drinks and isn’t looking for academic advice, but it’s not ok to be disrespectful to grandma because the world might implode!</p>
<p>When my younger s wasin HS he/we used to go to the nearby Subway sandwich shop a lot. They got to know him oretty well and woudl make the sandwich he always ordered the minute they saw him walking through the door. The owners are asian, and began to query about his college applications, his SAT scores, his GPA, his intended major, etc. It was interesting, to say the least. We thanked them for their interest and concern. Their suggestions got a polite nod, but not much else.</p>
<p>As for these medling and insensitive grandparents, well, as a previous thread was titled, just smile and nod… Unless they are paying for the OP’s son’s education, they don’t get to intrude on his plans (or those of the waiter/waitress). JMO</p>
<p>I’m Catholic and I applaud your son’s choice. But I agree with others who say that it is only healthy for him to have to deal with family members who don’t approve of the choice. </p>
<p>I also will admit that I think 17 is a bit young to make the choice. If I had a son who wanted to be a priest, I’d also push him towards joining an order rather than becoming a diocesean priest. In some ways it’s harder, especially because of the vow of poverty, but I think in this day and age it’s hard to be a regular parish priest. It’s much easier for most men to join an order. It’s not as lonely a life.</p>
<p>Before the die is completely cast, at least suggest to your son that he investigate some of the orders as well.</p>