<p>OMGoodness… Can you search CC threads for all of the stories of people who chose the school based on BF-GF and they broke up shortly after? Print those up and give them to him. If they are meant to be, it will work out if they attend college apart. My nephew had his GF follow him to the school of his choice (his parents very upset about) and then she broke up with him anyway and started dating his best friend and kept inviting the new beau up to THEIR college for weekends. Kind of awkward and not the best way to start your new college life!</p>
<p>I was going to tell you about my brother who followed his (long distance) HS girlfriend to a far less prestigious U, married at 19 ~ and actually has lived happily ever after (waiting 10yrs to start a family, graduated law school, still married, now top of his profession)</p>
<p>But then I had another idea - - sadly, this is a bribe which often works with young men - -Is there anyway to offer him a car IF he goes to UofW (he could drive to visit the girlfriend)</p>
<p>Snugapug,</p>
<p>I like your idea. My children were in relationships when they started college. All have since broken up.</p>
<p>It isn’t solely the son’s decision, unless he has big scholarships and/or plenty of money saved to pay for it himself. He sounds like a pretty good student, so maybe he has good funding from CWU. But if not, the parents have every right to weigh in. It’s their money.</p>
<p>We didn’t have this issue with our D, but in general have a somewhat straightforward policy of how money will be dispensed for colleges. Colleges are roughly divided into categories A/B/C. For A colleges we’ll pay $X, for B, $Y, and C, $Z. If she didn’t get into any A colleges, then we would have revised our spending rubric based on what was available, but she applied to several in each category. Also, if she came to feel very strongly about a place, she could try to convince us that because of the strength of it’s programs or other features, it was really a B, not a C, say, and have it reassigned. She was not told yes you can go here, but not there, just we’ll pay this much for these and that much for those. If she gets enough scholarships, saves enough from work, she can go wherever she wants, our feelings about it notwithstanding. So if the BF thing intruded in decisions that would have been fine. He applied to 2 of her B schools. But she wasn’t interested in those schools in the end, and they broke up a month ago anyway. By our way of dealing with college costs, UW and CWU would not be in the same category, not directly substitutable. So relative costs would matter. UW is a high B school in our rankings at least, or maybe even a low A, depending on program.</p>
<p>While it may not be what he wants to hear, the gf and where she is going to school shouldn’t count as a “pro” for selecting a school. How many kids still have their “soul mate” HS bf/gf by Thanksgiving, Christmas, end of Frosh year? </p>
<p>Find out if the Engineering is a must at UW or if can switch to another major. Then have him make a list of pro’s and cons of each school and hopefully he will see that outside the GF which school is better for him. It might be the one she is going to, but it might not. See if you can get him to look at it outside of the GF. If he is mature enough to make the choice he should be mature enough to look at it rationally. If he can’t do that, then you have your answer of how much you need to jump in. Yes, he has to start making his own decisions, but he can start with baby steps and ones that you aren’t financing. </p>
<p>Sometimes as a parent you have to do the unpopular thing, and to let a HS kid select a school because BF/GF is going there seems like a bad criteria for picking a school.</p>
<p>I love Blossom’s approach here. It conveys love and support of the child while communicating the parental value system. I think many kids really will consider what their parents want for them and do respect their parents’ opinions, but at some point, you do need to move beyond “we are the parents, and we know best” because in reality, you may or may not know best. Life is not linear, and sometimes the most lasting lessons are the ones we learn the hard way. It is oh so hard to get out of the way and let these learning experiences happen, but if not while you are still there providing some guidance and protection and love when it doesn’t work out, then when?</p>
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<p>That would suggest that he can make a good decision here as well.</p>
<p>He might be concluding that his parents admire his maturity and decision-making except when his decisions conflict with a parental point of view.</p>
<p>My kids are in their late 20’s and if I had a dollar for every bone-headed decision they’ve made in their adult lives I’d be wealthy. But guess what- most of them seem to turn out OK, and I haven’t eroded my relationship with them by being critical and controlling (which was the way I was raised.) This is the very beginning of the adult relationship with your kid- which hopefully will last another 50-60 years depending on how old you are. You need to learn how to create and respect new boundaries over the next four years, and it seems to me, this is a good place to start.</p>
<p>Our kids are going to do all sorts of things in their late teens and early 20s which will drive us crazy- turn down a great job offer for a stupid sounding start up with very little funding. Kid thinks it’s going to be the next Facebook; you think it will be bankrupt in a month. Well- your kid may be right. Kids take leaves of absence in college to volunteer with Doctors Without Borders-- and you are thinking, “Hey, first become a doctor and then go beyond your borders” but fast forward two years later and his medical school admissions committee tells him that he catapulted over hundreds of other applicants due to his experience managing supplies in an operating tent somewhere in Africa. Kid has to take an incomplete in two courses in college because she’s so busy “helping” one of her professors (and you want to scream) but that “help” becomes Lead Author on an article in a leading journal in her field and professors coming out of the wordwork to ask if she wants to apply for a doctorate with full funding at various universities.</p>
<p>I have given my kids terrible advice over the last few years- they are all in fields which operate according to their own rules, and every time I tell one of them they are making a bad decision, it comes back to haunt me. I am humbled by how little I know! And don’t get me started on the bad real estate choices my kids keep making!!!</p>
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<p>Whoa! Whoa! Hold your horses!! You’re saying this to a son who hasn’t even started college yet?!!</p>
<p>As a man who remembers his teen/young adult years, this has all the hallmarks of an overbearing mother/parent trying to micromanage their child(ren)'s personal life. </p>
<p>Bad idea, especially since this infringes on his developing sense of independence…especially if he is more mature and level-headed for his age. </p>
<p>All actions/statements from parents to late teens/young adults tend to do…especially young males trying to assert independence is to drive them further away from you and to make them feel less close to you in the future. </p>
<p>I agree with those who say leave the girlfriend/their relationship completely out of the discussion and focus on the academic and other merits of the two schools and family finances/values. </p>
<p>The girlfriend/relationship is a huge distraction for everyone here…including the son.</p>
<p>I’d encourage the idea that a two-hour separation is ideal for a dating couple, because academics can be focus for five days a week, and relationship for two. The “cabin in the middle” concept is ideal. Their commuter-relationship separation will allow each to thrive in their majors and allow “quality time” for each other on weekends. It would be difficult for OP’s DS, or GF, or her parents to refute this.</p>
<p>I’d still worry about an unintended pregnancy to complicate matters, if there’s pressure to “get serious” straight out of HS.</p>
<p>If the son feels forced at all to go to UW to study engineering, there is a danger that when it gets rough, and it will likely get rough in engineering at a strong program like that at UW, he may start looking for excuses for giving up and “it was my parents’ idea anyway” sounds like a very appealing one. I would think that he would have a far better chance of making it at UW engineering if he is completely sure that is what he wants to do and where he wants to be.</p>
<p>OP said he could major in business at UW or whatever. They could explore idea of changing that direct entry into engineering to something more flexible if he wants to explore other options. Of course no one should be forced to major in something for which they have no enthusiasm.</p>
<p>When my sister was saying the same thing we made a deal with her. She had to go to the larger, further away university for one year. BF also went away to a school about 2 hrs from hers. After that, if she wanted to transfer she could and nothing else would be said. She did go away and she and he did transfer and we did said nothing further. But she still says that one year away was priceless. She and BF, now husband, actually bonded more with the relatively small distance and both got a good foundation on their school work before transferring to the same school close to home. Maybe some sort of deal like that would work.</p>
<p>“In my opinion, you need to separate out the “accounting/engineering” argument from the “girlfriend” argument from the “Central Washington/Univeristy of Washington” argument.”</p>
<p>Agreed. This must be very difficult as a parent, especially since you know that getting a direct admit to the UW engineering program is quite impressive, they don’t give out many of those slots. That is a tough thing to bypass.</p>
<p>I am wondering if he really isn’t interested in engineering anymore, and is actually interested in accounting (I’m sure you know it would be tough to get into the UW school of business also). Or do you think he’s going with what seems safe and easy? He gets both the girlfriend, and what he perceives as an easier major? I know nothing about accounting at Central, but engineering at the UW is pretty tough.</p>
<p>I would not try to force it, but I would try to convince him that he can probably get into Central at any time. He won’t be able to get a direct admit at UW engineering any time, this may not be offered again. If there’s any way to do a semester, or even a year at the UW and he hates it…he can always transfer to Central. He can see her often, anyways. Not to be heavy handed, but to strongly suggest. He may be turning down a great opportunity, and can always change his mind.</p>
<p>I think you have to separate it’s his life from what you want. Going to CWU for accting is not the worst decision in the world. Accting firms are less status driven than most. Accting is usually a tough major–not as tough as eng. but not comm arts either. Accting profs like to be tough on kids so they are employable.</p>
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<p>Unless you aspire to the big 4 or some boutique accounting firms. Plus, they sometimes hire non-accounting majors from elite colleges as happened to an elite university alum HS friend who was hired by one of the big 4 despite majoring in a humanities field. </p>
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<p>Consensus was if you have the personality to put up with bureaucratic minutiae for extreme long periods of time and are conversant with mathematics, it isn’t too bad. </p>
<p>Main stumbling blocks is either due to abysmal math preparation or a personality ill-suited to the demands of the field*. </p>
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<li>Extroverts tend to have a much harder time with the often long solitary/small group working environment and highly creative big picture folks have a hard time dealing with the extremely detailed bureaucratic minutiae according to accountant friends and those who quit the profession for those reasons.</li>
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<p>Is there a particular reason for the change from engineering to accounting? What would change his interest in engineering from the age of 12 to a newfound passion for accounting? That would be one thing I would definitely try to ascertain. A perceived easier major is a very practical reason, or a family member recommending it, or job market considerations…there is a reason, and I would be curious if I was you. But if it’s purely an excuse to switch colleges to be with his girlfriend, that would concern me.</p>
<p>Not that you could really do much about it. Yet I always want to figure out motivations.</p>
<p>Don’t know anything about engineering, though I think that these days it is easier to make good money as an accountant. Don’t know anything about Central except that they have a darn good music teaching program. My d. would have chosen Western over UW. </p>
<p>"* Extroverts tend to have a much harder time with the often long solitary/small group working environment and highly creative big picture folks have a hard time dealing with the extremely detailed bureaucratic minutiae according to accountant friends and those who quit the profession for those reasons."</p>
<p>Many accountants become business CFOs, especially with start-ups. And even in the big firms, extroverts, if they put in the time, get groomed to be rainmakers. (That’s what’s happening with my d.) </p>
<p>Why study engineering if you don’t want to be an engineer?</p>
<p>Two hours apart is completely do-able. My BF and I had a 4 hr separation all thru college… we each had “side excursions” over the years, but when we WERE together it was fantastic. Absence truly did make the heart grow fonder and I wouldn’t have traded those visits for anything. I think the 2 hr separation is the IDEAL situation in college. Especially if you’re slogging through engineering classes all week long.</p>
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<p>From what I’ve heard from friends who are Accountants or those who quit the profession, it takes a particularly hearty extrovert who could withstand working years in uncongenial environments before they are in the running for the “rainmaker” roles. </p>
<p>Sounds like your D is one of those hearty ones the extroverted friends who quit accounting would admire, but can’t emulate themselves. </p>
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<p>For the same reasons why others may want to study math, South Asian literature, politics, art, or physics…a passion for the subject and a thirst for an intellectual challenge a given subject can offer. </p>
<p>Know plenty of people who pursued engineering for this purpose, excelled in it in college, and then decided to pursue non-engineering careers. Granted, many hardcore engineering/CS folks tend to scornfully view such folks as “sell-outs”.</p>
<p>Incidentally, from my observations of friends and colleagues who are engineers, quite a few of them would find the profession of accounting to be tedious and dull from their perspective. </p>
<p>Then again, most of the ones with such perceptions tend to be big picture folks and/or extroverts by their nature.</p>