<p>There are lots of kinds of “singling out”. Prettier. Smarter. Louder. Quieter. Best-dressed. Most awkward. They all have feelings and they must learn to deal with them. High School seems a fine place to start.</p>
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<p>zoosermom: I don’t understand exactly what your position is at this point in the thread.</p>
<p>Based on the OP’s posts:
Is the OP justified in feeling singled out?
Is the OP justified in being offended?
Is the OP justified in feeling uncomfortable?</p>
<p>Is it ever appropriate for a teacher to comment, in front of a classroom, on: Prettier. Smarter. Louder. Quieter. Best-dressed. Most awkward?</p>
<p>Maybe Louder. Quieter. when it impacts classroom behavior? Otherwise I don’t see how it could be considered appropriate.</p>
<p>No, alh, according to OP he did not say, “where did YOU <em>come</em> from?” He asked, “where are YOU from?” Don’t change the facts to fit your argument please.</p>
<p>Hi girl number 2. That’s a pretty dress, where did you get it? That actually happened to my D in 7th grade. No problem. Everyone liked her dress. It came from Wal-Mart.</p>
<p>In retrospect, I suppose she could have been embarrassed that it came from Wal-Mart but that did not occur to her at the time. Oh, and it was 7-bucks and she wore that thing to death. A classmate got one in purple. Hers was pink.</p>
<p>Bay - Thank you!!</p>
<p>That is a very important correction.</p>
<p>The thing is, there is SO much more middle ground between saying, “wow, that seemed inappropriate” and marching en masse down to the principal’s office with the intent to get someone fired, to gathering an angry mob to protest outside a building with the intent to get someone fired, to filing a discrimination lawsuit, and on and on with some of these over the top reactions discussed by particular posters. The OP may well have felt marginalized, but the hyperbole about “not feeling safe” in the class kind of obliterates the real substance of the OP. </p>
<p>People are so damned intent on feeling not only offended, but outraged at the slightest hint of “otherization.” Rather than speak up with a simple question such as “why would you want to know that?” or “what are you trying to accomplish with that question?” which could have quickly put the guy in his place if his intent was to insult the OP, she said nothing, and proceeded to assign motives of her own choosing to his actions. The opportunity to engage in even a very short dialogue which could have educated either of them was lost. </p>
<p>There is not such a power imbalance between a high school sub and a respectful student that a simple exchange such as above would have resulted in any discipline to the student. And zoosermom is right; often a sub is in fact one of the least “powerful” people in a school building, and don’t think those students don’t know that.</p>
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<p>Good point. </p>
<p>Or is it being proposed that the phrase “Where are you from?” be banned for everyone, now?</p>
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<p>It is? Rude to ask a farmer how much acreage they have when discussing farming? I never would have guessed that. Or does he drop that in out of the blue? As an outsider, I still don’t see how, “Oh you’re a farmer ? How much acreage do you farm?” is a rude question. (I’m not saying it isn’t in the local context. Just that I don’t think an outsider would imagine it is.)</p>
<p>I have a funny story on this subject. I live in New England, in the heart of Red Sox Nation. A place where one routinely sees bumper stickers that say “I root for the Red Sox…and for anyone who plays the Yankees.” One Sunday at coffee hour at my church, I saw a man I hadn’t yet met wearing a Yankees cap and t-shirt standing alone. I went up to him, introduced myself, and said jokingly, “You’re a brave man!” He gave me an extremely started look, almost appalled. I went on, “There aren’t many Yankee fans up here!” He broke into a big smile and laughed. Thinking about it later, I realized that he was the only black adult in the room.</p>
<p>I think there are three lessons at least to be learned from the stories people have shared here: don’t assume you know about a person based on their appearance or name, try to exercise some imagination about how other people might feel if you are tempted to satisfy your curiosity, and lastly, assume good intentions.</p>
<p>^^yes :)</p>
<p>Consolation: In my community, asking someone how much acreage they have is really the equivalent of asking how much “wealth” they have. I would think in most social groups that would be considered rude - though not in all ;)</p>
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<p>You’re right, it would not be considered rude everywhere. Someone recently asked me that very question, and it didn’t occur to me that I was supposed to realize he was being rude.</p>
<p>I guess the lesson here is to never ask anyone anything beyond what they think of the weather. Because no matter what, any particular question is likely to offend someone, and you never know if that someone is the person to whom you are talking.</p>
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<p>To the contrary: it switched from race (or at least appearance, ethnicity, national origin) to pronunciation. From the first post:
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<p>Debatable, it was roll call and they were foreign sounding names.</p>
<p>alh, I see what you mean, but I would never equate the amount of acreage they own or farm with “wealth.” Without your heads up, it would strike me as similar to discussing the company a person works for in a social situation and asking how big it is, or asking a lawyer friend how many attorneys were in the firm.</p>
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<p>Okay, I’m back on my hobby horse. What the heck is a “foreign sounding name” in the US, where Americans come from every other country in the world?</p>
<p>Uhm, that we should ask the OP.</p>
<h1>294 -I know. right? :)</h1>
<p>Though, if you get right down to it - sometimes asking the name of the company someone works for or how many attorneys are in a firm - can tell the questioner something about the income level of the one asked as well, although some people ask these sorts of questions very innocently. Me, for example. :eek:</p>
<h1>292 - excellent point.</h1>
<p>I keep writing it’s not about race because I am thinking about a bigger picture than the OP’s scenario. Anytime any student is made to feel different from the group by a teacher that is inappropriate imo. It doesn’t have to be about race. It can be about anything.</p>
<p>Allh, in the post you referenced I said “Not justified in singling out based on the first post. Possibly justified in being offended. Definitely justified in feeling uncomfortable.” and that is my position.</p>
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I have a very straightforward name, as does my husband. But both my name and his are the epitome of mock-worthy. I was ridiculed for my name all of my life and then I married a worse one! My daughters will never forgive me. When the married last name is pronounced phonetically, it becomes a major slur. My kids have learned to deal with it.</p>
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Is a student really made to feel different if much of the class is asked about his or her name?</p>
<p>I am sorry zoosermom. I honestly can’t tell what you mean when you write: *“Not justified in singling out based on the first post. Possibly justified in being offended. Definitely justified in feeling uncomfortable.” * So I don’t understand your position. I am trying not to attribute words to someone they don’t mean. That is difficult for me. Thanks again, Bay :)</p>