I’ve worked hard all throughout high school and have a good GPA, SAT, etc as a result. Is it wrong to feel like I’m entitled to get into a good college?
Would love any and all input…I feel guilty and feel that I appear to be an entitled brat. I just want reward where I’ve put in hard work.
And for those of you who are Christians, as I’m a Christian, is it wrong?
Plenty of people “deserve” the best. That doesn’t mean they get it.
It’s understandable to want to feel validated for all your hardwork, and to know that you have accomplished something. And that does seem to be satisfied with admission to a good school.
However, I would shy away from feelings of entitlement as there are students nationwide (and internationals) who have done the very same… Some while battling unimaginable hardships.
So to want to feel rewarded, yes I’d say that’s fair.
To feel entitled, however, I’d be careful.
Depends on what you consider “a good college”.
If your definition is “Ivies/equivalent”, then you have to realize that there are more highly qualified kids (in the US and abroad) than those schools can/will admit. Some highly qualified smart hard-working kids will not get in, no matter how much they feel they “deserve it”. That’s reality.
If you are a football player, do you feel like you deserve to make the NFL just because you work really hard?
Kind of a tough question. You really should speak with your minister on this.
Basically, you have poured a lot of your life energy into school up to now, and now you are at the threshold of a new level of engagement. It is not at all boastful, ambitious, or prideful to acknowledge where you are and it is not lustful to make plans to continue your calling with others at a similar skill level and competence level. After all, isn’t that just proper husbandry- making best use of what you are given?
I think your quandry is society’s obsession with ranking of elite schools and putting them up as a trophy to be won: a reward. In reality, schools simply try to band together similar students, with similar goals, capabilities, and capacities so that they can reinforce each other’s learning and not be too far ahead of or behind the pack. I think you know this deep down, and although you are trying to find a school that fits for the latter reasons, you fear that you will be judged against the former criteria.
Or maybe that’s not it?
Only you know what is in your heart. Is it entitlement to a trophy? Or is it husbandry of your gifts and skills, and matching them to the logically appropriate next step? Talk this through with a religious leader and be settled before you set foot on campus. It will help you to be clear and focused in your studies.
For what it’s worth, I’m Catholic.
Why would it be wrong?
You know the admissions requirements; you know whether or not you meet them. To me, it seems fairly cut and dried.
Actually getting in, and actually being able to attend, of course, aren’t the same things. Getting in involves any number of factors beyond your control— like the number of equally or better qualified kids who also apply.
And being able to attend involves finances and distance and your family situation.
But do you deserve validation that the grades you’ve earned should give the expected result? Sure. I see no moral conflict with expecting the work you’ve put in and the and results you’ve achieved to produce the expected result. When my department chair observes my classes, I expect a good write-up. I know I’m good at what I do, and would be incredibly stunned if the recommendations were for anything too major.
Yep, it’s wrong. You are only entitled to that which you have earned. There is no agreement with any school that if you get a certain grade or a certain standardized test score that you will be accepted. Perhaps in the state of Texas being in the top 7% of your graduating class entitles you to a spot in one of their schools but that is about it. And as a Christian your faith is not about entitlement it’s about grace. You earn nothing.
What you have done is to have put yourself in the position to be considered by “good” colleges, whatever you deem that to be. Keep up your hard work and it may be rewarded perhaps in ways unclear to you now. Good luck.
This is a very good question and I thank you for asking it. But I don’t think it should be something that only Christians ask if themselves.
As a Christian, I would say that it borders on pride. We are not to use reward and self glorification as our motivation for doing good, working hard, etc. At the same time, we are expected to fully exploit the gifts that have been given to us. As a human, pretty much the same thing applies, regardless of theology.
I’m pretty sure all religious traditions emphasize humility and counting one’s blessings.
If you were my child, I would counsel you to try to shutter the feelings of entitlement and remind you that few people get what they actually deserve and to also consider that we really aren’t the ones to decide who deserves what. A few years ago, my (imho very deserving daughter :)) was waitlisted at every private high school she applied to because we needed significant financial aid. It was devastating. I think I was more devastated because I felt like a failure for not being able to give her what she deserved. But then, we realized that we were really being a bit bratty. Girls are shot in some places for even trying to go to school. We weren’t so impoverished that I had sold her into slavery as happens too often in developing countries. Her father hadn’t sold her in marriage to a fifty year old man to be his third wife. Things didn’t start to look so bad after that. She eventually did make it into a school that could keep up with her interests and give her the environment she craved. (notice that I hesitate to say that she deserved) Will she make it into a top college? No one knows. She does have her safety with scholarship in her back pocket so everything will work out. That safety school is, I’m sure, a dream school for many who don’t make it in. It is a good school and she is lucky to have it.
I’m sorry that this is a bit disjointed. It’s still fairly early and I don’t do words very well until at least three cups of coffee. But in summary, people rarely get what we think they deserve, and it is presumptuous of us to assume that we know who deserves what.
Again, thank you for asking the question. It gives me a lot to think about. I plan to share it with my D, as she enjoys wrangling with these sorts of questions, though she’ll likely just admonish me not to fall into an is/ought fallacy.
Oh, another thought…
I doubt adcoms at highly selective schools consider whether one student “deserves” a spot over another. I think they probably look at who will exploit their resources more and be a point of pride in the future. From everything that I’ve read about admissions, they look for the most interesting personal characteristics in those who have shown the most potential for excellence. I doubt they look at their institutions as a prize to be had for working hard. (They also look to fill up their spice rack, but that’s a different thread.)
There are thousands of four-year colleges in the United States. Most of them are “good,” inasmuch as a motivated student can pursue a meaningful education, and qualify for graduate school or employment after graduating. Not as many offer comprehensive training in all fields, especially Engineering, admittedly, but if you have strong grades and test scores you will get into a “good” college. It might not be the “brand-name” college you have in mind, however. Many, even most, people work hard throughout their lives, but will never be able to drive Rolls-Royces or live in Beverly Hills. That doesn’t mean that they can’t have fulfilling lives. As I type this, thousands of excellent students are being rejected from their colleges of choice. The vast majority of them will matriculate at colleges that are not merely “good,” but excellent, and will thrive. A handful will remain bitter, and will spend their lives complaining about what they don’t have. They made a choice to never, ever be happy.
Yes, you do deserve to get into a good college. Like others said, don’t think that “good” = Ivy League only.
If you worked hard, you deserve to get into a “good” college, which would be a college that is a good fit for you, not necessarily a Top 25 college. If you challenged yourself, you deserve to attend a college where you’ll be challenged, which could be your flagship’s honors college or Wooster or any academically rigorous college few people have heard about.
You don’t “deserve” prestige - prestige is focused on pride. As a Christian, you know that’s the wrong way to look at things.
Also, there’s no such thing as “deserving” a spot at any of the colleges with acceptance rates below 20%. The vast majority of students turned down by these colleges are deserving. There just aren’t enough spots in the class of 2019. It doesn’t mean you’re underserving, just that you may be among the 80% who are worthy yet can’t be part of the class.
Ultimately, I hope you chose your colleges wisely, including various levels of selectivity, but all good fits.
Even so, it’s more than just the hard work and good stats. It’s recognizing the right challenges and uses of your time. Are you in it for the college admit win or to be the best person you can be- which includes the quality of what you do for those around you? And that doesn’t always mean a special reward coming back to you. You know that.
Plus, kids have to realize there’s a whole app process. You can’t just rest on your laurels, you have to fill out the app and make your best presentation. I have a feeling you have only just begun.