Except it wasn’t on him. He overrode his wife on her affair and escalated the situation calling her greedy when she was just taking the money she was owed. To her, at that point, it was only math $10 goes in $10 comes out. IMO he is being domineering while acting gracious. He is an a**
“If you had this arrangement, and it usually went that way, and then one day your Mom says, “No honey, I’ve got it this time,” would you proceed to initiate WW III over it? Just how rigidly would you enforce the agreement? That’s the issue as I see it, not that being wealthy has anything to do with anything.”
No, the same situation would be if my Dad butt in and told me to forget paying back my mom. I wouidnt listen to him and would pay my mom.
“If I understand it correctly, that is not the issue. MIl DID offer to pay for the dozen eggs, and her son told her it was on him this time.”
My impression is that the OP believes that her H is going to butt in all the time and wave off her being reimbursed. Otherwise he wouidnt have called her greedy.
If he is not going to respect the arrangement between his wife and mother then he should be the one running all her errands. That is what I would tell my husband if he did that to me.
My honest reply is that my DH would have no problem with this AT ALL. If I started waiving it off every time and completely ditched the agreement, yeah, he would probably take issue with it. But once? No.Way.
The other thing that makes me laugh is the thought of DH ever cooking dinner for anyone in my family. But I know that’s really not the point.
And finally, my DH would not make this arrangement with my mother and act like I have no right to an opinion or input. In this exact scenario, I don’t think he’d think twice about it, much less start a big fight about it. If he starts getting credit card bills for her utilities and other expenses on a regular basis and I waive him off, different story entirely.
“My impression is that the OP believes that her H is going to butt in all the time and wave off her being reimbursed. Otherwise he wouidnt have called her greedy.”
Maybe past history added to this $10 incident led to the name calling? If OP voiced to her husband her frustration with him giving the $100 to his sister for the food stocking at the funeral, would that not come across pretty badly to her husband?
Her reaction to his waving off the $10 and his name calling go well beyond this one incident, IMO. This is the HISTORY many of us are talking about here. Continuing to focus on the $10 incident isn’t going to address the issues at the heart of the matter.
I rarely let anyone reimburse me for small items I pick up for them because it’s just kind of a hassle and, to be honest, I feel like I’m building up good will so I’m not hesitant to ask for favors for myself when needed. It is self-interest on my part.
I just keep trying to think how Sylvan can get out of this conflict with her husband in as easy a way as possible. I guess if it were me, at this point I’d get a new credit card and put all MIL’s purchases I make (and nothing else) on that card. Then at the end of the month, I give the bill to husband and he could decide how to handle it. I would not take any more money from MIL after husband’s comment.
In my culture, even folks with barely any money will bring $100 worth of groceries when they visit bereaved friends and family. It’s just a custom. Now our family is more spread out, folks start sending food from the other side of the country and spending goodness knows what on shipping. They just think they have to be providing groceries even when it doesn’t make sense any more under the circumstances. And sure, if one family member gets there first and stocks the kitchen, the rest of us starting throwing some money their way. But that is just how we were all raised. I don’t think it’s a question of right or wrong, just of custom.
I totally agree with emilybee in this case. Why do they feel they need to be charitable to people who don’t need charity, MIL, sis? They all can swing it. So why butt in and say let me take care of that for you? Seems to me it is boudary problem rather than greed or generosity.
THEY were owed. Unless these two keep totally separate finances. Then it makes more sense.
I think the answers here kind of reveal a lot about the posters. Are you a black/white person? Believe that rules are rules no matter what? So let it be written, so let it be done? Doesn’t matter that mom has likely paid more for her son than he could ever repay, wife and MIL have a binding agreement that he has no say in?
I’m usually the black/white person who says a rule is a rule. But this is family,my DH’s mother, and I’m not going to let a deviation from the norm (and MIL HAS kept to her agreement from what I can see) cause this big of a problem.
UNLESS, of course, that’s really NOT the actual problem. 
Oh, and to be clear, the “greedy” comment was mean and unfair. I think that’s been 100% agreed upon in the thread. Again, he just lost his Dad, so maybe emotions are high, there are issues between him and his DW that go beyond this, and he just isn’t controlling his emotions well.
Maybe past history added to this $10 incident led to the name calling? If OP voiced to her husband her frustration with him giving the $100 to his sister for the food stocking at the funeral, would that not come across pretty badly to her husband?
Her reaction to his waving off the $10 and his name calling go well beyond this one incident, IMO. This is the HISTORY many of us are talking about here. Continuing to focus on the $10 incident isn’t going to address the issues at the heart of the matter."
I agree it’s a pattern with the H. Sounds to me like overcompensation (aka tiny hand syndrome) on the H’s part. It’s not like the OP and her H have a gazillion dollars (she stated their income in one of her posts.) I think it makes him feel like a big shot to toss his money around.
I’m not changing my opinion on this.
“Why do they feel they need to be charitable to people who don’t need charity, MIL, sis? They all can swing it. So why butt in and say let me take care of that for you?”
Really? Because, rightly or wrongly, for some people it is a way of showing care, of providing and watching out for someone - like a grieving parent. Why do we give gifts at all for that matter if others can afford to buy things for themselves? We do it to show our love, gratitude, respect.
When I did the favor to my elderly neighbor, money was a negligible part. I sure hope she appreciated my effort of driving to Home Depot and getting her stuff whether she reimbursed me or not. Not that I did it to be appreciated. It would be extremely disappointing if she thought I didn’t do her any favor since she paid me back. THAT would be a stingy spirit.
Wow! Because they aren’t just “people,” they are family?
My Dad has enough money to buy himself a new shirt. But I’m getting him one for Christmas anyway.
My gut feeling - still - is that this is more of an issue between OP and H than it is with MIL.
" It’s not like the OP and her H have a gazillion dollars (she stated their income in one of her posts.) I think it makes him feel like a big shot to toss his money around."
She, herself, referred to she and husband as wealthy, did she not? $10 or $100 or even more is not going to change the quality of their life. Where have you seen any indication that he is acting like a “big shot” tossing money around?
I think I got too old to really care any more who is right or wrong in my family. I just want peace and everyone getting along as well as humanly possible.
There are likely two sides to this story, and we only know one. For all we know, OP has given the DH reason to think she is less than charitable.
I have an opinion on this situation only based on what OP has told us. But when I refer to “history,” I mean there is stuff between them that we aren’t privy to which might put all of this in a different light. It’s also human nature that in a dispute presented to the public in a message forum, the poster is not likely going to focus much on any less than stellar behavior of their own. We are only going to hear about the shortcomings of the person they are mad at, naturally. Thus the “there are two sides to this story” idea.
The OP has been nothing but nice and kind to her MIL it seems. Let’s keep that clear. The other stuff seems a little more muddy though.
That’s SO different.I didn’t we were talking about xmas present. Do you always go around do errands for him when he has time and no trouble doing it himself? I don’t. I help out when help is needed but I don’t make it a habit taking care of someone’s chore when not needed even for family members.
Yet she was called greedy for keeping the book so to speak.
What “arrangement decided upon between MIL and OP?” What I recall is that DH and OP discussed a “plan,” not that the MIL initiated this. Not that she offered. Again, “She asks me for the receipts. I think she wants to pay for them.”
Maybe I’m wrong an someone can quote it for me?
Maybe she does want to pay. Nothing wrong with that. But also, nothing wrong in my book with an occasional, “This one’s on us.” As opposed to, “But NO! That’s not THE plan!”
This is a lot of rigorous fuss, building it all up to a monster battle.
Agree, Nrdsb4. Family. I don’t even get how you convert this into “the delivery guy.” OP said she is the one who offers, not MIL calling her like some deivery service. “when I happen to be going I ask if she needs something.”
Not strangers, not some neighbor. Not a transaction. Family.
“My Dad has enough money to buy himself a new shirt. But I’m getting him one for Christmas anyway.”
That is a gift you’ve decided to buy for him.
This thread makes me sad.
Note to self, stock the refrigerator and pantry before I die.
And, “I don’t make it a habit taking care of someone’s chore when not needed even for family members.”
I’m really getting some perspective, especially during this season when we (are encouraged to) think of others.
As for giving Sis $100 for the food, so what? So what if the other sibs didn’t. This was your DH’s generosity, his spirit, sharing what Sis spent. If the others piped in, “Me, too,” then they could have run the math.
Let me say this, odd as it may seem (and you know I’m not naive:) I decided, a long time ago, that when I meet my maker, I’d rather be faulted for being a generous and willing sort, than the opposite.