There’s an actual guideline for the pineapple debate! Anything that has been transferred to MIL’s serving dishes or bowls should be left with her. Anything left in containers that OP brought over, she can feel free to take home. However, when H asked if the MIL wanted any pineapple, whether or not he was speaking out of turn, OP should have just left it alone at that point. It’s a pineapple.
Honestly, I feel like I am reading a different post than others.
@calmom – go back to #213. The first inkling that H got about the reimbursement issue was when they were leaving and MIL asked how much were the groceries. All OP did was to answer that question and then the whole sorted mess unraveled from there.
From my read of the post H started the whole thing . He grabbed the $10 from MIL and then said something snide about “taking that to the bank” to OP. And this is AFTER she had just put in a day at work, shopped for groceries, gone home to pick up a rice cooker and made dinner for H and his mother. In what alternate reality should this man be doing anything but being appreciative of his wife after all that?
Honestly, I am really just not understanding other posters take on this whole scenario.
Well now we know about the pineapple. Which appears to be the item that H obviously “gave away” without first asking her.
So I don’t know-- what would be the right word to describe the H’s perception over whether or not he needed to ask for his wife’s permission before asking his mom whether she wanted to have the leftover pineapple in her kitchen. (Which, apparently, the MIL paid for with her $10 grocery reimbursement).
I think I’m in some alternative universe @HarvestMoon1 I’m so confused frankly
I’m with you, @HarvestMoon1 .
Lol @deb922 , I hope your marriage is different than mine was, because I’m divorced. But not over name-calling or fights; we actually didn’t fight that much.
I found it interesting that OP feels that she’s going to be “volunteered” to do things for her MIL in the future and doesn’t feel like she’ll “have any say” in the matter. It’s something that’s been on her mind “for several years.” I think the money situation is merely a symptom of deeper issues. Apparently, it doesn’t matter what OP wants if her husband wants something different. If I were OP, I’d decide what I was willing and able to do and communicate it clearly to the family, and I’d stick to it.
If nineteen pages won’t settle a simple question, the suggestion that there’s much, much more under the surface than above is an astute one.
Being a husband, I’m entitled to blame one and I blame him for using the word ‘greedy’. Would have taken more effort but he should have talked around it.
Talk about splitting hairs–of course an adjective can be name calling. “You are: bad, ugly, cheap, mean, stupid, evil…greedy.” How would any of that be different from “you are a ?”
“But there are things which are would be too difficult to even rehash, let alone have dissected, criticized, or even sympathized over. Even if they provided some people with better understanding.”
I can understand that, @sylvan8798. I wouldn’t want to discuss my marriage here either. 
My advice is just to focus on your feelings. How you feel. What you need. To be happy. To feel like a valued part of the relationship. Whether it is this thread or a discussion with your husband, bringing up a pineapple and a $10 bill are just noise that give us readers or your husband something to focus on which obscures the legitimacy of your feelings. Obviously, we don’t know all that is going on in your relationship but its deeper than what is found here.
I wish you the best as you navigate all this.
I personally don’t put “greedy” in the same category as “bad, evil, ugly, or stupid.” I could see saying to my ex- (while we were married), “you were so mean to that waitress” or “it was so inconsiderate to forget to call XXX,” or “don’t be greedy; give someone else a turn,” or something like that. Just to be clear, I would never call my spouse (or now ex-spouse) bad, evil, stupid, ugly or any word like that. Ever. Nor would I tolerate anyone using those kinds of words to describe him, even when he left me for someone else. So maybe we agree. Maybe I just don’t see greedy as that bad of a word.
The pineapple was for the sweet and sour shrimp, not part of the groceries she ordered. Why would I be taking home the things she just ordered? I also brought the rice cooker over, so I probably should have left that too, but she informed me that she already has one. 
Post 156:
Aren’t you supposed to use “I” phrases? Instead of saying, “You’re greedy,” say “I am offended by the way you treated my mother.”
Do you know anything about verbal abuse? Asking honestly.
Not sure I am following your question. What do you consider to be verbally abusive in my examples?
@MaineLonghorn I think therapists suggest using the “I feel” phrase. “When you focus on money with my family it makes me feel…” or “When you offered the pineapple to your mom without checking with me, I felt…”
That makes sense.
Good God. This all reminds me why am single.
Not your examples. In general, do you know anything about verbal abuse in a relationship?
OP says “Do you know anything about verbal abuse? Asking honestly.”
Ah, OK. Forget the sideshows of $10 and pineapple. Were finally getting to the crux of the matter and the OP’s real issue. Verbal abuse goes hand in hand with emotional abuse IMO, and if this is an ongoing issue, it’s a problem that’s not going to blow over with this.
OP, have you considered counseling? That’s often the first thing suggested to students here. If we practice what we preach, what’s good for the student goose should be good for the parental gander.
Otherwise, we have to face that we’re all full of it. 