<p>DS attended restaurant birthday celebrations with friends. It seems that when parents hosted, they paid. If just teens attending… then they paid (and probably chipped in to cover the check for birthday kid).</p>
<p>cartera–I agree. No need to nitpick here.</p>
<p>My daughter’s 17 and she and her friends plan birthday celebrations for other members of the group, with each person attending paying their own way, except perhaps the honoree.</p>
<p>I have to say, I like this approach. My daughter would kill me for saying this, and I hope that I haven’t said anything too revealing on CC that would lead people to figure out who she is, but there have been times in middle school and high school where she has been on the edge of whatever social circle she was hanging out with. When the parents are paying, there obviously are going to be set limits on how many people get invited – Mom obviously is going to say, “You can invite 2 [or 4 or 6] friends.” As the mom of the kid who (at various times) has been one of the left out girls in these circumstances, I have WELCOMED the everyone-pays-their-own-way events with no hard limits on numbers of guests. And I have stretched my own budgets to make SURE that girls are not left out of excursions to Disneyland and the like, even when I am paying. So it’s a mixed blessing when the host is footing the entire bill!</p>
<p>I should add, that if I’m involved in the planning, or if I am at the event, OF COURSE I would pay for the entire group, just as I would ANY TIME a child is accompanying our family anywhere! My only point in the prior post is that there are ADVANTAGES to kids planning their own events where there are no financial considerations on the number of attendees.</p>
<p>nottelling–I also think it’s great when kids plans social things as a group and each pay their own way. I doubt they would chose a $100 per person option.</p>
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<p>No, they wouldn’t. In fact, my own daughter is much more concerned with everyone else’s [parent’s] money than MY money. When all the girls are pitching in for a bouquet of flowers for the birthday girl, my daughter is the first to suggest the $10 bouquet of mini-sunflowers at the grocery store (with a contribution of $2 each). When the girls are NOT collaborating on a birthday gift, she asks me for $20 to $30 to cover her own gift (NO. That’s what babysitting money is for!). The same goes for the restaurants selected; she’s much more considerate in coming up with options when everyone’s paying their own way.</p>
<p>Its the new norm.</p>
<p>but there have been times in middle school and high school where she has been on the edge of whatever social circle she was hanging out with. When the parents are paying, there obviously are going to be set limits on how many people get invited – Mom obviously is going to say, “You can invite 2 [or 4 or 6] friends.” As the mom of the kid who (at various times) has been one of the left out girls in these circumstances, I have WELCOMED the everyone-pays-their-own-way events with no hard limits on numbers of guests</p>
<p>I can see your point. But, I think that if parents are going to host, then they should pay. If budget doesn’t allow including your child’s “social circle” to a pricey venture, then pick a cheaper venue or just allow your child to bring one friend (to Disney or whatever). I would never allow my kids to have a modest-sized pricey party that excludes a couple of kids from their “group” because of cost. That is just cruel.</p>
<p>Just read some of the prior posts that I had missed before I posted my previous comments. Atomom, that story about the family stopping at a restaurant and expecting you to pay your own way was truly disgraceful. I hope the parents are somehow reading this thread and recognize themselves in the description. I’ve truly never heard of such a thing. I don’t care how tight my budget was, I would make sure the child’s meal was covered, even if I had to forgo my own. Truly mind-blowingly insensitive. It’s times like this that I wished I believed in Karma.</p>
<p>It really is incredibly insensitive. Clearly they had plenty of money because they ordered full meals for themselves.</p>
<p>atomom - that is a horrible story! Who could sit there stuffing their face and be indifferent to a hungry child at the table? And the story of the amusement park is bad too. Admission prices are so high, how could they forget to remind the kid to bring his $50 or $80 or whatever it took. </p>
<p>Whenever H and I end up eating a meal out with our kids and their friends we offer to pay for the friends too. They’re all so young and on such limited budgets and it truly is a pleasure to have that time with them, so we don’t mind at all.</p>
<p>Since I have an only child, I considered entertaining his friends an investment in his fun and happiness.</p>
<p>^^ good plan!</p>
<p>H also told our girls years ago that they would have to pay for movies they went to with their friends, but if he was invited, he would pay for them. With ticket prices what they are, he got invited to a lot of movie outings and loved it!</p>
<p>Very clever plan on the part of your H, greenwich! I think a lot of kids like it if a parent wants to spend some time with them.</p>
<p>A little off topic but this reminds me of…</p>
<p>When my frosh son was going to Homecoming, the “group” decided to meet at a restaurant with their dates for dinner prior to the dance. Obviously, no one “hosts” this. Each couple (usually the BOY) pays for each couple’s food.</p>
<p>Well, one of the boys didn’t bring ANY money. He and his date ordered full meals, and when the bill came, of course they didn’t pay. The girl assumed the boy was paying (It was HIS school, not hers), and the boy brought NO money. The rest of the group had to cover these costs. </p>
<p>I still wonder about this boy and his parents. What were the parents thinking? Don’t they ask their kids what the plans are and make sure that they have the money to participate? And, what was this boy thinking? He knew he didn’t have any money. Why didn’t he and his date skip the dinner and say that they’d meet at the dance? Very strange.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids</p>
<p>That is amazing!</p>
<p>D went through high school until last year and the norm seemed to be - take gifts if the host is paying and not if the host is not paying. They looked at the paying events as having dinner together to celebrate. This seems to have been clearly outlined upfront since we would be looking around for gift cards whenever the party is paid for while looking for cash when the dinner needed to be paid for. I dont remember when I needed to find both cash and gift cards.</p>
<p>What a brave new world we live in.
But really, most people are still very polite in my experience (and I live in urban Massachusetts, no your stereotypically polite environment). I think the rude behavior simply sticks out more, so we focus on that more. E.G. Think of all the times the host has paid in comparison to the time they have stuck the guests with the bill.</p>
<p>True story:</p>
<p>When S2 was in 8th grade, we rented a house on a nearby resort island for a week over the summer. S2 wanted to bring a friend, so we said sure. We paid for everything for this kid – his transportation to and from the island, his food, treats at the beach, dinners out. He brought no hostess gift with him, nor did his parents offer to pay a penny.</p>
<p>While we invited him as our guest, given the length of his time with us I thought some sort of offering would have been appropriate.</p>
<p>ETA: No thank you note later, either!! (I guess that’s not a surprise.)</p>
<p>^^</p>
<p>ugh!</p>
<p>Some people are just clueless.</p>
<p>When I was in HS, my best friend’s family INSISTED that I go with them on a ski trip. I assumed that I would pay for my lift tix, but little did I know that they would expect a LOT more. About a week before the trip, the dad handed my mom a “bill” that included my “share” of the condo rental and my “share” of what the groceries would cost and my share of what the gas for the car would cost. My mom was shocked and told him that I wouldn’t be going on the trip and that she would never charge an invited guest for those costs.</p>