<p>PG: Yes, absolutely. I guess I didn’t understand that the sole purpose was to raise money for another event (the wedding). Of course, being able to hold a wedding means they can invite more people and solicit (ahem, I mean “register for”) more gifts to start their lives together with their choice of stoneware and stick blenders and monogrammed hand towels. :)</p>
<p>sally, A registry is never an obligation to the guest. They were originally used as a discreet way for a bride to list her china and crystal pattern in the event that someone happened to inquire. In fact, traditional etiquette mavens such as Miss Manners frown on registries to this day, while Emily Post etc. allow for their convenience. But a guest can always give anything they like on or off a registry. </p>
<p>Not sure what kind of event you mean where there is a contribution to a host you hardly know unless it’s a fundraiser. If you mean a party like a graduation or child’s birthday, where you hardly know the family, and a gift feels like an imposition, then don’t go.</p>
<p>open bar - and then - wine with dinner and bar closed. </p>
<p>This is a problem for a beer drinker ~ “Beer before wine, not so fine. Wine before beer, have no fear.”</p>
<p>I’m a responsible drinker. I wouldn’t have more than 2 drinks - but I would want to know what’s going to be available. Less problems for everyone if they can plan.</p>
<p>Wow- I am so in shock that people would not attend a wedding solely because alcohol is not served. Makes me think that such people must have some sort of alcohol problem if they are not able to enjoy themselves for such a short time w/o alcohol. I have not heard of J&J parties and would definitely not attend if invited to one. </p>
<p>Our oldest D got married almost 3 years ago. We had an outdoor wedding, set a strict budget, and had about 120 attend (out of 135 invited). Alcohol was not served- my D/SIL do not drink and neither do either set of parents. Not a religious thing at all- just don’t really care one way or the other and doesn’t really enter into our lifestyle. None of us have any problem with other people drinking, but since it wasn’t important to our D and it was her wedding we just didn’t do it. One other reason is that there are several adult relatives who definitely have drinking issues and we didn’t want to deal with it. Guests were mostly friends of D and SIL with some relatives and friends of parents thrown in. We did not tell anyone there would be no alcohol- it never even occurred to us. Unfortunately, the very people-all age 50± who we did not want to have access to alcohol brought their own and got obnoxiously drunk. I think it is so tacky to BYO to a wedding. Interestingly, the younger group did not seem to care at all and we had a great time. I still have people tell me it is one of the best weddings they have attended. If someone had told me they wouldn’t attend because of the lack of alcohol, I would never have changed anything. It would definitely tell me a lot about that person and not in a good way!</p>
<p>When people show you who they are, believe them.</p>
<p>Now takeitallin ~ if you’d had alcohol, the bartender could have cut-these-people-off.</p>
<p>^^^no, because they still would have had their own supply with them and would have just kept going! Fortunately there were only 2 offenders.</p>
<p>The last wedding I went to was in Napa. The parents of the bride popped for an outdoor reception at a gorgeous winery. Plenty of wine (of course),fantastic food and an open bar to boot. Towards the end of the evening as happy guests left and there were all of ten guests left, the father closed the bar. Even though there was a very nice bar open to the public just 20 steps away…the groom and bride were FURIOUS and vocally abused the dad, since four members of the grooms family wanted to drink themselves into oblivion on dads dime. A beautiful evening ruined because someone was denied free booze. Sadly that’s how I will always remember that wedding. BTW…that very night two of the grooms family members were put in the pokey for a DWI . Good riddance.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Why is this a “problem”? I’m guessing the little ditty means that it might get you sick if you drank beer (during the open bar) and then wine (during the dinner) – but there’s an easy solution to that - drink the beer you enjoy during the open bar and then don’t drink the wine at dinner. I don’t understand why alcohol is so important to people that they need advance notice of whether and when it will be available.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Oh, I definitely think there are abuse / addiction problems underlying when someone gets that ornery when they can’t have booze or when it gets cut off prematurely. </p>
<p>I’d rather spend my money on nice desserts for my guests anyway :-)</p>
<p>For many couples, the alternative o a cash bar is no bar at all. >>>></p>
<p>Not everyone can or desires to provide a cash bar. It is NOT tacky not to.<br>
My family heritage is of non-imbibers. We had champagne punch and we were in a restaurant with a bar, so if anyone just HAD to have a cocktail, they were adults who could do as they liked.
I know it’s a regional and cultural thing, but I don’t like that people seem to get criticized for not offering unending, unlimited booze.</p>
<p>In case people don’t know re: beer & wine. It’s good to know ~</p>
<p>I have have numerous people express the sentiment to me that they would NOT attend a wedding at which alcohol was not an option. >>>>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>My reply would be “we will miss you”.<br>
How crude and rude. Maybe it’s time to remind people of the FLASK. If you can’t make it thru a social situation without getting boozed up, then carry your own stuff with you.</p>
<p>^^^My reply would probably be, “we won’t miss you”</p>
<p>
I so agree. Alcohol is in the place of honor, rather than the bride and groom.</p>
<p>Um, the handful of cash-bar weddings that I’ve gone to were weddings with a total budget of about $6,000. If they wanted an open bar, they would have to disinvite about a third of their guests, or not serve food. Yes, you an have lovely outdoor weddings, but most indoor weddings have some sort of bar available, and I don’t blame people for not wanting to chance the weather.</p>
<p>I would rather have the option to purchase alcohol than to not have it available at all. You open bar or no bar peeps are forgetting that cash bar is like no bar, with the option to get booze. I fail to see how the former is acceptable but the latter are not.</p>
<p>I also love my friends and don’t want them going into debt to pay for someone else’s snobby version of etiquette.</p>
<p>(For the record, when I host parties, I host the party I can afford. My Christmas party was dessert, wine, beer, and spiked eggnog. It drives me crazy when people “host” a party and tell their guests to bring food. But there is a difference between my living room and a hotel, and I do not care if my friends want to have a cash bar.)</p>
<p>I would not attend a wedding reception that didn’t have alcohol as an option. I think cash bars are tacky, but better than no option. I actually have not gone to any weddings where the reception is in the church for this reason - or early in the day for the same reason.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>But why?</p>
<p>A reception is a party. Thats all.
If I cant afford to throw a party, I dial down the chic, until I can.
I could even host a potluck if I chose, but unless it was for a fundraiser, I think having people pay cash for beverages/snacks at a private party is too tacky.</p>
<p>Are there really people who cant go for a few hours without an alcoholic beverage?</p>
<p>Perhaps those who wont attend a party that doesn’t offer the opportunity to get tipsy, really are hoping for a high drama situation that alcohol often feeds.
They should be ashamed of themselves, looking for a meltdown so they can put it on youtube.
;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Or, they could simply not serve alcohol. I presume they’d have some kind of soft drinks or iced tea available. What’s wrong with that?</p>
<p>Let me give you an analogy. We hosted an event several years for 100 people where we decided to offer a dessert bar. So we had brownies, lemon squares, petit fours, candy, etc. plus a chocolate and caramel fountain for dipping fruit in and a cappuccino-station where you could get lattes and the like. Would you have thought it appropriate for us to say “the brownies, etc. are free but if you want the chocolate fountain or a latte it’s $5”? Or would you have thought, “If you can’t afford to give the chocolate fountain and the lattes to your guests, you shouldn’t offer them in the first place?” That’s how we feel about bars / alcohol.</p>