The snark is uncalled-for.
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The tough thing about NYC is room and board are so expensive, at least around $20,000 a year. So with the budget here youâre talking about tuition below $18,000. You can do CUNY on that budget, but Iâm not sure what else.
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I think Temple is a good idea because of the in-state costs, some of the programs offered, having some family in the Philadelphia area, being able to take the train there from Pittsburgh, if needed, it being a safety to target school for her (Pitt would optimistically be a âhard targetâ for her).
However, even though my daughter has expressed wanting to go to school in an urban area, she does have a friend at Temple now that has expressed wishing she felt more safe, which has made my daughter a bit hesitant on the Temple idea.
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Visiting her friend might be a good idea.
Some kids on urban campuses have figured out the safety angle- walk in groups, take the campus shuttle after dark, ask for an escort if your job at the library ends at midnight and you need to walk back to your dorm alone, donât carry an expensive handbag/tote or leave your laptop unattended when you âgrab a cup of coffeeâ, etc.
Others have not. There are kids- today- leaving a dorm fire door propped open âso my friend doesnât have to show his ID to come visitâ. Umpteen lectures about safety, umpteen visits to the dorm from campus security explaining what the sign-in procedures are for, and kids still figure out ways to be unsafe. A neighbor of mine explained how her home owners insurance went up after her kidâs dorm room at an urban campus was robbed and I almost fell over. Kid had more expensive stuff in her dorm room than most people I know. Kid was safe- just property crime (but I didnât know you could spend that much on a bicycle!)
If urban living isnât for her-- thatâs a good thing to know now, right?
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My daughter does not have any special supports in high school.
However, high school has become increasingly difficult for her to manage each year of it. With the increased workload Junior year has come more missing assignments and stress with juggling things. Sheâs in a couple of AP classes for the first time, one honors class, the rest regular classes.
She has too much on her plate with extracurriculars, but when sheâs down about school, they give her something to look forward to, so I have a tough time saying âno, you must quit the school play if you canât finish your schoolwork,â for example, as that is something she really enjoys.
Iâve reached out to a tutoring center and sheâs starting to sit down with someone once a week to try to help her plan her week a bit better, showing the importance of keeping a calendar - planning time for studying in advance, etc. Just hoping to develop some better habits in the ramp up to college, wherever she chooses to go.
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I think this makes a lot of sense, and I have described something similar to my daughter, but probably not described it as well.
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My 26 year had been medicated for ADHD since age 12. Pretty smooth sailing until sophomore/junior year in HS, AP classes (plus varsity soccer, school play, winter track, PT job that was almost full time during Christmas tree season at the garden center). Iâd pop into the student portal to see MIS MIS MIS MIS MIS. Test grades were great, but he couldnât manage longer assignments/projects. Had a conference with his counselor and an AP teacher. Executive functions issues were a huge issue. He started meeting once a week with his counselor who helped him map out projects, helped so much. His teacher wrote something in his yearbook along the lines of him being his only student who, not once, handed in an assignment ontime (this teacher actually really liked him which helped). He graduated HS, graduated college on time (donât ask me his gpa, I never asked), became gainfully employed.
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I believe applying to Fordham only works as a possibility because itâs on the Tuition Exchange list. At this point, my daughter knows that most of the very expensive schools on this list are likely tuition exchange longshots, but she can still apply.
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You can get separate insurance for your kidâs stuff when they are away at college. We did this for D19. It really wasnât very expensive (I think under $100 a year with a $75 deductible) and when we needed to claim for a ruined MacBook, they paid up quickly. I didnât think of it before, but ringfencing it from your homeowners is probably a good idea for the reason you state here!
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I do not believe my daughter is thinking of majoring in Theater at this point. That was just one of the majors she has considered. I think sheâs back to thinking that she would like to do theater as part of a student club while in college.
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I think some of my frustration with my daughterâs lack of wanting to accept/comprehend budget limitations as well as limitations due to being an A/B student without tons of APs came through in this portion of my original post, and I am regretful of that. This is why I do not typically engage in public forums and such, any frustration or sarcasm can be the one thing people pick up & pounce on.
I am glad that you did not discount my concerns and denigrate the rest of my post. You have also provided me with some helpful suggestions and examples of your sonâs struggles & successes. I appreciate it.
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I agree. I think urban campuses in other cities or possibly a college within an easy commuter rail line distance to NYC to explore on occasional weekends might make more sense, especially in terms of costs.
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I just heard frustration, when my son wasnât doing his assignments there were times that I did not handle it well (understatement), but once it became more apparent what the problem was, I became less frustrated. Fortunately my sister has kids with similar issues so we vent to each other. A lot. It will work out. Maybe there is a reason she is targeting out of reach colleges(academically/financially)?
I hope you arenât put off!
Another parent with an adhd kid â totally empathize!! Heâs now 25; a small school imho is helpful as itâs harder to fall between the cracks. While he didnât have a completely straight path through college, heâs just started a great job and is doing well. So, they can get through it!
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Iâll assume that the users debating one another over and over and over again are done particularly since some of the posts are less-than-welcoming.
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And thatâs what I meant by saying turn it over to her.
Be excited for her âoh, NYU and BU and UCLA are all great. How can you (or we if you want to be extra helpful) make this work?â And then pull out the costs and what you can contribute and what she MIGHT get from TE, from scholarships, from state aid. Oh, suddenly NYU wonât work for $40k and other NYC options look better (or Pitt or Temple) I never said no to my kids that they couldnât go to college in California, but even my daughter who wasnât good at math could see that $15k (the cost of an instate school and my budget) wasnât going to work.
So she started to look at other schools. We were at a school fair and no one was talking to the Wyoming rep. We got his full attention. The cost was within budget (and they gave good swag). She visited and didnât like it, but the more she looked at other school, the more she saw the benefits, including the cost, study abroad for less than the cost of a semester on campus, close to her grandparents, not in Florida⊠She not only went there for undergrad but for a masters, and still does work for a professor.
If OPâs daughter can rule out NYU and BU on her own (UCLA is definitely a no go from the cost of OOS tuition and very little FA), she may be more open to OP slipping in a few schools that are a better fit for cost and maybe a better fit academically too. I wasnât saying just abandon her to the search, but lead her to make a more realistic list or at least be open to suggestions. No one is suggesting a girl who wants an urban college look at Elon or St. Olaf, but maybe schools in Baltimore or Milwaukee (a little cheaper than Boston or NYC). Or maybe Pittsburgh! U of Denver is very urban and has good FA.
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If Jesuit schools would work, many are in urban areas and many offer merit aid.
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Totally agree that taking away extra curriculars such as theater should not be on the table. Hopefully, the tutor can help her with good habits or identify areas of concern. However, if she has an undiagnosed LD, getting a handle on that prior to college is important. Not always an easy solution. Frustration is totally understandable and it is not always easy to stay supportive and upbeat. Good luck to both of you!
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Some suggestions you could think about:
- back off a little bit for now. She knows the whole thing is important. Just donât make all of your discussions w/her be about college.
- Give her a 10-15 min âassignmentâ per week, starting in January. For example, have her fill out a spreadsheet with some basic stats on it and then each week, have her look up the info of her favorite colleges (NYU, UCLA, etc.). Include stuff like total COA (cost of attendance), some CDS (common data set) info, distance from home, majors at the school sheâs interested in. Make sure you have her look up and note the acceptance rate in the spreadsheet, whether or not the college is test optional, and what the mid-50% GPA range is of accepted students.
- Another week, ask her to write down her top 5-7 decision factors in picking a college. You do the same, then you compare notes & have an open conversation about it.
- Be willing to listen. Sheâll get really frustrated when she realizes that her pipe dream schools arenât going to happen.
- later on this school year, another HW assignment to give her would be to have her note in the spreadsheet what the required classes are for the majors sheâs interested at different schools. If your kid is like my D24 was, she might protest this but after a few times of looking the info up, your daughter will notice some patterns, and some interesting differences between 1 school and another. Iâve started doing this w/D26 and itâs helped us eliminate some colleges because she doesnât want to have to take 1.5 yr of engineering calculus + linear algebra in college.
- recognize that your daughter is probably just parroting big name schools that she hears other students talking about. Thereâs also a lot of personal growth & maturity that happens between now and spring of senior year.
- after each college tour, ask your kid to name 3 things she liked about the college and 3 things she didnât like as much. Then ask her to explain. Itâll shed some more light on why she prefers 1 college over another.
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