It took a lot of months and a lot of conversations with my kids for them to truly understand what is going on. I don’t believe the kids are spoiled. They just need a bit of time and some discussion and research on their own to figure out what the story is. My son got very excited about an OOS public which is affordable to us so he now has more choices.
NMF is used only at some places for the determination of Merit award.
There is a thread on CC about colleges known for great Merit awards. My D. was not NMF and her Merit award offers varied considerably from one college to another.
From our experience, one school that is very well known for great Merit awards and is NOT "state’ specific since it is private is CWRU. It is just one example, it may not fit every student. But there are plenty that would, it takes time to research. This research is integral part of being prepared for any situation during application cycle and to avoid stress as much as possible.
You get scholarship money at Rutgers based on GPA/SAT scores. So it is worth it to keep grades up.
I skipped a page or two, so forgive me if it’s been suggested, but consider Northeastern. I wanted to apply to Duke at one point too and think I would’ve had an above average shot had I applied ED (my mom’s an alumni/alum/alumnus- never know which one, and I had good stats). I ended up hating it upon visit when my tour guide mentioned that the girls wake up early in the morning to do their hair and pick out their Lilly Pulitzer for the day… but that’s beside the point.
I got into Northeastern with a pretty darn good merit scholarship and their financial aid met almost all of the gap between that and what my family could pay (I also scored an RA position for the fall meaning free R&B! but again, besides the point). They give out a LOT of merit scholarships, and since there’s no supplement it’s super easy to roll the dice and see what happens.
Also encourage auto merit schools as plenty have suggested- honors college at Bama is full of incredibly smart kids who just need to spend less on school, just ask the one student who turned down all Ivy’s to attend this year.
There seems to be quite a bit of projecting going on. He is a junior, correct? Junior year is routinely one of the hardest for ambitious high school students. Maybe he’s just hit a wall and the financial issues just made it more stressful.
Let him get through the summer and go from there. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is.
I agree with romanigypsyeyes.
All the suggested schools and financial options are great, but I feel like the focus on this thread is on the wrong part of the title, “limited options,” rather than the “stopped trying.”
I think the more important thing to look at is that his motivation for education and work collapsed under these circumstances. Getting into his dream college is a common motivator but an immature one.
Public schools operate like incentive programs. They are full of prizes for reading, for example, which only give the message that reading is not valuable in itself. I heard one middle school student ask why read if there was no prize.
Colleges are the ultimate prize in that sense. I would say try to help the nephew remember what education is and what the goal is, which is 1) learning and 2) ultimately supporting oneself (the two are related but not as specifically as our current culture would have us believe. This can happen in many ways at many places.
Losing interest may not be a bad thing. Maybe he will stop working for the false goal of Duke or wherever, and find some things he really wants to do.
[QUOTE=""]
Thanks again all. @mom2collegekids, I'm confused about your question. The $5,500 would be a Stafford loan, not merit...but I don't understand what you mean by "wouldn't that mean his M+Cr is known?" I may have his SAT wrong - will double check in the morning. Yes, Duke could have been a long shot...but I guess the point is that there are also other schools he can no longer consider and they are generally thinking that he will need to go to the in-state public.
[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I was confused. I thought it was you who posted that he is close to getting the $5500 merit from Rutgers, but that was someone else’s post.
Once you find out his M+CR SAT, then we can better advise for options. Did you say what the parents will pay each year?
I think he’s just of the mindset that “everyone goes to Rutgers, so I want to go elsewhere…”
I live in the NY/NJ area and there are plenty of options for kids with your nephew’s stats. However, his stats aren’t good enough to get him money where he thinks he should go. He could do well money-wise at Seton Hall, Rowan, TCNJ. There are also smaller schools like Muhlenberg, Lafayette, etc. He likely will not get money at Delaware, and it is insanely expensive OOS if you don’t get money. sometimes it is good to look at different schools and see if there is something about a particular one that appeals. My older D who is in grad school thought she wanted something when she started her search and when visiting she found that something she hadn’t expected was most important. My son is also finding surprises in his search.
Just confirming that I do have the right SAT numbers, which were actually lower than the PSATs. (One thing my sister is a bit frustrated with is that he won’t take the SATs again because he feels that they are fine given the schools they can now afford. While higher scores could give more money, I doubt they would result in him suddenly being able to go to his top or other top original choices, which I think he gets too.)
What is his CR/math breakdown.
<<<
One thing my sister is a bit frustrated with is that he won’t take the SATs again because he feels that they are fine given the schools they can now afford. While higher scores could give more money,
[QUOTE=""]
[/QUOTE]
Ok…someone needs an attitude adjustment. If this were my kid and he would be “talked to” about how more merit would help the family’s current situation. I would remind him that the sooner the family gets back on its feet, the more likely they could consider allowing him to apply to transfer to a “better school” later.
Appeal to his selfishness, but help him become less short-sighted.
Time to introduce this kid to the expression “cut off your nose to spite your face.”
Before re really HAS messed up his chances.
I feel for the kid. He is unmoored right now. He has to find a new motivation for studying and learning and to get over his grief about not having the future he dreamed of. But he can do it.
He isn’t the only kid in this situation. There are plenty of bright students whose parents can’t afford their dream schools. Does he know that? Does he know any of them? And there are plenty of people who didn’t go to their first choice schools due to $ who do just fine in life. Does he know them?
He may not want to talk to his folks right now about this----too mad. If he were my kid, I’d let him be, but gradually work up to the subject of doing well in life even though you can’t afford everything you want. My dad wanted Harvard and had the smarts to go there, but back during the days of the Jewish quota and being from a modest background, some alum said something nasty to him and dashed his hopes. My dad went to CC for a year, then Big State U, then med school, and graduated at the top of his class. He sees now he ended up where he wanted to be, he just didn’t get to take the path he wanted to get there. A lot of people—I’d dare say most people----don’t get to take the path they want, but can get where they want to be if they work hard.
I feel for the kid too… his parents probably knew they couldn’t afford his dream school for some time - perhaps before the job loss. This is one of many adjustments we all have to make when our financial situations change. Dad made the call, the family house was more important than Jr’s college fund. (not an unreasonable call IMHO). And Dad was able to get a job and keep the house long term - not a bad outcome. There are many families that weren’t that fortunate.
IMHO, fostering the notion of a single ‘dream’ school is a mistake. It frequently undermines objective analysis of the student’s options and too many factors beyond the kid’s control can get in the way.
It will take him a while but, he’ll realize not getting booted from his childhood home is a blessing. In the mean time, maybe his grades will slip a bit. In most states, there are many cost effective educational opportunities.
Did the news that his parents could not afford to send him to an expensive school come as a “shock” to the kid? His dad was out of job for a while. Did he have the realization only after he found a job? I mean what’s the kid’s perception of this whole situation? Years ago, I met a college student who told me that his parents could afford to send him to a prestigious school he got in but they “loved their toys too much” to care to pay his tuition. The words were harsh but the attitude was not. He just said that matter-of-factly. Of course, that might not be true and is certainly not the situation of this this family. But, is this child convinced that the change of mind of his parents justified? I assume that they can finally move out the great school district and take advantage of a coming back housing market so they have additional educational funding for their son? Since the father was out of job for an extended period of time, is he prepared to (which doesn’t mean he will be able to) retire a few years later than originally planned? We don’t know the kid so we don’t know what he is thinking about the situation, but he might have these questions in his mind and didn’t have the courage to ask.
He’s upset about not being able to go to the dream school he wouldn’t have got into in the first place. Uh, ok.
He should take responsibility for his direction rather than blaming mom and dad’s checkbook.
Some parents do their best to shield their kids from household financial problems, making it seem (to the kids) like there is still plenty of money even when they are worrying about it after the kids go to sleep. Also, if the kid had grown up in a spendy family lifestyle, where the parents did not mention cost and value in choosing things to buy (or whether to buy), it may be a big shock when the first time the kid needs to consider cost and value is his/her choice of college.
Couldn’t he still try for admission to his dream school, then (if he gets it) defer for one year while he and his parents work and replenish the college fund as much as they can?
Could we cut this kid some slack?
Go back to that first post. His family’s financial situation changed. He isn’t delusional-- he was brought up with one expectation and that situation changed. He had hopes, apparently nurtured by the former financial situation, of a particular school. He’s a 17 year old kid whose rug has been pulled out from under him. Many parents, when the going gets tough, try very hard to maintain normalcy, to convince the kids that “it will be all right.” My guess is that they forgot to mention that “all right” didn’t include the price tag of his dream school.
I say we give him a little time to adjust to he new reality.
The issue seems to be communication, does it not? The parents should have helped him understand that Duke is a reach for anyone, and given his SAT it was very unlikely. I agree to give him some time to sort out what he wants to do, try to guide him if possible and then support him to the extent you can.