I like mom60’s advice, but I would meet first with dh to make sure you get on the same page. I’m thinking the kid can see there is some daylight between you and plays off of it.
@dstark I agree with your overall sentiment about enjoying your kids at each stage of their life but even 8 year olds are quite capable of picking up after themselves by hanging up clothes and putting their dishes in the dishwasher. 
Being an inconsiderate pig doesn’t have to be a stage they go through.
@doschicos, No…doesn’t have to be a stage…
I just don’t care about these things.
The way our kids treat us is not the way they interact with others. So I don’t worry if my kid is a slob at my house…and it is my house…it is not my kids house. When my kids come over, they are treated like royalty. I don’t think they are treated like royalty in the real world. 
A friend of mine was telling me how his son keeps things in. He doesn’t share his thoughts. He is cheap with his thoughts and his feelings.
The next thing I know the son is performing stand up ( not as a professional).
I saw the act. There was a lot of sharing.
My brother in law was telling me how shy his son, my nephew was. Didn’t have any friends. Then I talk to my nephew. My nephew just got back from a trip to New Orleans. Went with 3 friends. They shared one room. Doesn’t sound quite as shy as the picture my brother in law painted.
Our kids are going to be fine.
But we don’t know how they’ll operate in their mid 20’s til they get there. In the meantime, where some if us still see they need some training or guidance, some of us still go there.
My 25 year old has absorbed a lot/most of the lessons. And- get this- many I never overtly shared. I couldn’t have known that when she was 21. Now I breathe a bit easier.
And despite being after them on some matters, we always made time to smell the roses together.
I don’t think stopping to smell the roses has anything to do with it. My H and S have a ritual they love dearly - they watch an episode of MASH every night before going to bed. They’re going on a fishing trip with my FIL - this will be the 7th annual trip, I think. They can stop and smell the roses, and they can pick up their towels too. These things aren’t mutually exclusive.
My college aged kids bring lots of friends home to visit. I’m really happy they feel comfortable welcoming their friends into our family home. I love to feed them and take care of them. Yet, some are better house guests than others - in terms of how clean they leave things, in how they chip in to help, in how they make polite conversation and blend in with the family, in how they show their appreciation. I truly enjoy each and every one of them - all of them - regardless and do not expect this as they are guests in my home but it is very much noticed and appreciated when evident. However, I want my own kids to be the good house guests when they are visiting others and that training begins at home when they are kids living under my roof. I’ll throw table manners into that mix as well, which I feel are a career necessity.
I don’t know if my kids are clean or slobs in other people’s houses. I figure if they are guests and they are slobs, they won’t get invited back.
My daughter is married. She was a good catch no matter how much of a slob she is.
I just dont understand the concept of not being able to get kids to do things, when you are footing all the bills. Thats not an option in our house. Im not asking you several times to complete simple tasks. if you dont, there will be swift consequences.
Well, here’s the thing. Some of us at this point are not directly footing bills. (Well, we will pay for S’s graduate school - he is applying for fall 2017. But he’s gainfully employed and supports himself - rent, car insurance, food, etc.) It’s really not about withholding money. It’s about respect IMO.
Ditto with @partyof5 and I AM a college kid. Yes, my room is a mess right now (I shut the door and pray they have no reason to go in). My family sucks at doing weekly chores. But I can’t fathom not hopping up and doing whatever was asked at the moment.
We are pretty calm, as long as people have basic consideration and let us know roughly when they will be home (joining us for meals or eating on their own) and keep their rooms fairly neat if the door is open. Also, we expect their rooms to be decent when they fly out to return to their own spaces. So far, we’ve been doing pretty well with this. Both kids have pretty good noses and can’t stand bad smells, so their rooms and bathroom never gets to the point of smelling.
My kids are both coming here within the next month. I hope I can get the whole house spick and span before they get here!
In the most amazing coincidence ever, D got up this morning (to the sparkling clean upstairs) and asked if one of her friends could stay in S’s room for a few weeks because she is commuting quite a distance for her internship. We told her she has to ask S, and that we don’t want the friend to be more work for me. This is going to get interesting. Not sure where the relatives are going if the friend is here. Renaming household “Sylvan Bed and Breakfast”. Or is “Bed and Breakfast at Sylvan Court” better?
Maybe the friend will clean the bathroom for you!
Maybe you set some expectations, pronto.
So why can’t the friend sleep on an inflatable bed in your DD’s room…especially if you have relatives coming who need DS’s room?
Sorry…but this kid is really taking advantage!!
And I would set some friend guidelines…like DD and friend need to keep the bathrooms and bedrooms tidy. You will NOT do laundry for either of them. maybe say…free lodging and food if the living areas are kept tidy…or rent will be charged.
Also…you need to set the house rules up with the houseguest. I’m saying this as someone who had an adult houseguest who was a HUGE slob. I learned a hard lesson with that one…who didn’t contribute to cooking, cleaning (even their own space), nada. And I also didn’t set a time frame for when the arrangement would end. Luckily…it DID end just about when I was ready to throw the guy out.
But it taught me…never offer long term lodging to even a good friend or relative without THEM understanding your house rules.
Maybe it’s just me, but I would have said No to the daughter’s friend explaining that we were expecting visiting relatives and they would be staying in the son’s bedroom. Or have the friend stay in your daughter’s bedroom with her.
You know you need your son’s bedroom for a planned relative visit. Why would you give the room away when you might need it?
I guess I don’t understand why your daughter is getting away with so many passes and extra treatment with her behavior. Is this all tied up with your husband not wanting to upset her?
Right. Don’t bump the family, with their plans, for this last minute friend. Being nice is fine, but put her on the sofa in the den or she can share the daughter’s bedroom. I’m really sympathetic to OP’s situation, we all have some challenges with our kids. But there’s something wrong with the equation here- Mom gets to wait for the girl to move her things, Mom gets to clean the bathroom, Mom has to deal with an un-registered car. Mom has to watch what she says because Dad wants peace.
And now Mom has to move other guests to do a favor for a young friend? I would have drawn a line. I can say, No. Or set conditions.
Btw, we did have young guests during college breaks. They had to tow the same line, do a quick job here and there, be willing to team up on the dishes or whatever. If they left all their make-up in the shared bathroom, I’d ask them to move it. I wasn’t a meanie. It worked.
The relatives are a moving target, as we are on standby for any overflow situation for the 16 or so who will be rolling in and out over the month of July. Usually MIL/FIL have the main residence. If there’s a conflict, D can share her room with “friend” or cousin as the case may be. We had a little chat about her doing more to help out, so we’ll see how that goes. It seems that she was very overwhelmed by her room, and not knowing where to put anything. Now she’s working on getting rid of some of the old/too small/out-of-fashion clothing, a little at a time.
How does throwing clothes/towels on the floor even start and at what point does it become acceptable? We used this thing named after the great inventor Alexander Graham Hamper. 
It takes all of 2 seconds to put them in there.
I can only go by what I read here, but it sounds like you’re getting snowed in July and it may be time to get out the plow.