<p>^^^^ Yes, Zoosermom!</p>
<p>I had kind of gotten used to that strange behavior (the flipping and crashing back into the bed), until he went on a “boys’ trip” and had to share a king-sized bed with his buddy (they’ve known eachother since elementry school). His slim friend could not believe I put up with that night after night. I felt so affirmed when he said that…Someone (besides a family member) understands me! :)</p>
<p>You’re an inspiration Mythmom! I love your last sentence:</p>
<p>“Here is a person I know. He’s my friend. He has problems, more than I do, but he cares for me and can do some things I can’t. We’re a family.”</p>
<p>Beautiful!</p>
<p>"A friend of mine was also widowed at 55 – same scenario as your friend’s, ZM. "</p>
<p>That really scares me. My husband carries the weight right in his middle. He looks about 20 months pregnant, has high blood pressure and cholesterol and problems with his joints. The snoring is more than an annoyance, too, because so much data suggests that poor sleeping is a stressor on the heart. His father died of a heart attack. There are many accommodations that he makes and it breaks my heart. He’s only 42.</p>
<p>All these snoring messages popped up while I was posting! The kids can hear DH at night – so can I from the family room. </p>
<p>Curiousmom, DH also flops and crashes. We went camping with a dear longtime friend who has sleep apnea herself and uses a C-PAP machine at night – and she couldn’t believe how bad DH’s snoring was. She was awake half the night listening to how often he stopped breathing. She confronted him – but to no avail.</p>
<p>“You’re an inspiration Mythmom! I love your last sentence:”</p>
<p>I second that.</p>
<p>For all those who’s husbands snore: mine did (does) and I used to sleep in the spare room. Then I discovered that most drugstores sell ear plugs in quantities of 100. For a reason. I invested in them. I can still hear the phone ring in the middle of the night. I can still hear the alarm. But it has reduced hubby’s snoring to a point where I can sleep at night. I highly recommend them. Hitting him until he rolled over only worked for a few minutes. Just long enough for me to fall back asleep until he turned back over and woke me again.</p>
<p>mythmom–what a strong person you have been for your family. They are all very lucky to have you.</p>
<p>H used to snore a lot, too, but now that he’s lost weight, he hardly ever snores.</p>
<p>Both DH and I are “stress eaters” . The difference is-he exercises regularly and I don’t( didn’t used to anyway) . So he is in a pretty good shape and me…well, it was not a 100 lb but getting dangerously close. DH has been very gracious about my weight gain and I am thankful. That said, it’s hard not to see his obvious delight now, when I lost 40lb( and on my way to lose more) . :)</p>
<p>Good for you, mythmom, for transcending your anger/disappointment and doing what was best for your family. That’s really evolved and mature…not everyone can get past the ‘mad’ point. So great that you are overcoming such a setback and have the reward of an intact family. Nothing can replace that!</p>
<p>mythmom:</p>
<p>I believe in karma. You got up and did something constructive instead of whine, blame and/or cut and run. I have a strong feeling that you already know and are experiencing part of your reward.</p>
<p>You are one strong lady and your husband (and the kids) are fortunate beyond belief.</p>
<p>I’m shallow enough to be turned off by my husband’s appearance. It’s not only the 40+ lb. weight gain. He’s shaved or had lasered off all of his body hair below his neck and above his thighs…he looks like a giant baby. No I won’t divorce him for it, but I’d be a lot more “interested”(if you know what I mean) if he didn’t have such an odd appearance.</p>
<p>Missypie, all I can say is “Ewwwww”. :eek: I guess the clean look is all the rage in Europe. Now, it costs somewhere in the region of $100 to get upper lip hair zapped. Just curious how much this body laser treatment cost your hubby.</p>
<p>Missypie: I gotta say that made me laugh.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the support. 07DAD is so right. My reward is in being a stronger, more compassionate person. And H just called (from work) to ask me if he could bring me some chicken soup because he knows I have a bit of a virus. His office is 1/8 of a mile away, so it won’t interrupt his work or appointment schedule.</p>
<p>Do any of you know Ben Franklin’s advice? He advised young men to get older women (and in some cases really older) for mistresses. His thinking was this: they are grateful, they are experienced, they have money to spend on you and everyone looks the same in the dark. He even went so far as to say, “The private parts are the last to decay.” So he wasn’t a looks kind of a guy.</p>
<p>Probably post-menopausal also meant he wouldn’t add to his growing group of out-of-wedlock children. Hmm. Where’s Ben Franklin when you need him?</p>
<p>My mantra is “we are a TEAM…” I look at our kids and know that somewhere along the way over the past almost 24 (!!!) years, we have made some darned good decisions and have been very lucky. We have similar views on money and material things, so there is not a lot of tension there. I’m in it for the long haul. So is he.</p>
<p>In my limited experience, when you love someone unconditionally, it doesn’t matter if she has had to have her breasts removed or he has gained a hundred pounds and grown a pair of breasts. Unconditional love is love that persists in all physical manifestations of those truly beloved individuals.</p>
<p>Yes, love is blind, but at some point in our decades-long marriages most of us open our eyes to the impracticalities of obesity. If your relationship was founded on fitness/athletics/competitive sports, then a spouse who becomes obese can no longer share your preferred leisure activities. You can still love your obese spouse, but you can also mourn the loss of some pleasures you enjoyed together. It takes a toll.</p>
<p>I have to say that some people on this thread have been unbelievably lucky in life. I don’t begrudge you; I am happy for you.</p>
<p>But over here at my house life has beaten us up a bit more. I developed devastating asthma at 17 and have been in oxygen tents. Before that an eight mile walk was nothing to me. I certainly am not the physical specimen some of you are. I am not even going near the weight issue from experience on another thread.</p>
<p>Those of you whose life is about fitness, competitive sports and mourning the loss of a partner who shares them – more power to you. In my next life I want to be you. I’m not kidding.</p>
<p>For most people on this planet life is an obstacle course. The goal is making it through without getting blown up, not perfection.</p>
<p>My college roommate has just lost her beloved husband to lymphoma. Another friend is watching her son slowly die of muscular distrophy. People have watched their professions outsourced. My SIL, very fit, has deteriorating discs. She is ten years older than my my brother. They had no children and they share everything. She was once beautiful. He is still very attractive; she is an ordinary looking sixty-five year old woman. He still seems to adore her. She can’t do sports any more and she certainly doesn’t turn heads, well maybe his.</p>
<p>I think aging is a process of loss; we lose everything, so be prepared. Yes, there is some mourning, of course there is, but we also become lighter. I mean we don’t carry as much a burden of responsibility once our kids are educated and we also become filled with light – our detachment from the burdens of making a life.</p>
<p>I am going to celebrate each day I’m here, not mourn the things I’m losing.</p>
<p>Those of you who have kept your waistlines intact, your fitness,your looks, your finances. Well, you are truly blessed.</p>
<p>The snoring thing – well there you got me. We have separate bedrooms. Very Victorian.</p>
<p>I will probably not post the details why, but this post is one of the most meaningful I’ve ever seen.</p>
<p>Question for all of you: Do you ever discuss these marital issues among your friends in the way we are doing here? I don’t mean complaining about snoring in a humorous way; I mean really talking about the deep issues and whether you want to remain with your spouse.</p>