I think it’s a lot about context. If he blurts out, “you’re pretty,” it will sound awkward and the woman may be uncomfortable…offended may be a bit strong. If he says something like, “there was a group of attractive women, you know, like you, and…” then no, it’s not offensive at all, and yes, it’s a subtle complement.
No, it’s not a subtle compliment. She’s a there to do business, not there hoping to please him in a social context. When a male colleague passes judgment on a woman’s appearance, it undermines her position as his equal.
As a man I am regularly microaggressed by such comments as “Nice tie”, “Hey, new hair style”, and “Looking good today”.
In my opinion, yes, in a business setting. It has nothing to do with business.
Women will sometimes compliment a female colleague’s new clothing, shoes, or hairstyle because, well, it’s what we talk about. But I think that a man should avoid this topic to avoid being misinterpreted as judging the woman based on her appearance rather than her performance on the job.
I think it depends a lot on what the underlying message is. If a male colleague says to a longtime female colleague, “nice outfit, is it new?” then, depending on the tone, it may come across as an appropriate compliment. Just like if one male says to another, “nice suit!” You are complimenting their sense of style.
But if you say “you look pretty today,” (or, conversely, “you look handsome today”) it is hard for me to see that as appropriate in any context. Unless it is to your spouse or partner, as they are heading out to work in the morning.
“All of us white folks of a certain age have family members who referred to “colored people”. Or “The Colored”. As a child of the 70’s, I really believed that prejudice was over, and that folks who used these terms weren’t necessarily racist, but were ignorant”
Isn’t the NAACP the national assoc of colored people? Colored was never like the n word.
Likewise, people used to say Oriental for Asian. But it wasn’t disrespectful, it was descriptive.
We all know the terms that could be used to be disrespectful.
I have an attorney in my office who is a native of China. he has been there for about a year and a half. Nice guy. Excellent employee. But no one knows how to pronounce his name and everyone is afraid to seem insensitive by asking him because he speaks so quickly and with such an accent that it’s impossible to make out what he is saying. Even dialing Into his voicemail to hear his greeting doesn’t provide clarity. There is no way to not micro aggressively ask him to slowly and clearly pronounce the name often enough for people to get it. It’s actually become slightly ridiculous.
Of course “colored” isn’t the same as the n word. The NAACP keeps its name because of its long history. It is outdated, the same way that “Oriental” is. The people that I knew that continued to use those words way past their expiration date always seemed so clueless to me. I had a dear uncle who thought it was Jesse Jackson’s hair that caught on fire in the 80’s 
. To the extent possible, I’m willing to retire words or expressions that can cause pain or offense to others.
I think that colleagues in the workplace should avoid making comments about each other’s attractiveness.
@zoosermom #486: The longer you wait, the worse it will get. Perhaps one of you old timers could designate someone new to the organization to ask him, get a phonetic spelling, and share it with the rest of you.
Or record his voicemail message and play it back in half speed.
Is it microaggressive for someone in authority to pull him aside and suggest he work on this? Is it any different than pulling an employee aside to advise them that their manner of dressing is inappropriate for the office? Or, discreetly telling a colleague there’s spinach in their teeth during a client function? If it’s a problem that’s legitimately affecting the functioning of the office, it should be ok to attempt to correct it…?
Surely he himself would want to know he’s unintelligible, right? At what point does it become just cruel to let somebody carry on like that, especially when it sounds like he could become the butt of jokes.
Referring back to that post # 468, and without making political commentary, if these new pseudo-sociological terms must be interjected into our vernacular, thanks to someone’s dissertation paper, maybe “micro-oppression” is a better term, since that seems to be the perceived impact. As for prospect’s questions, I think there are too many times when people are either just too PC or don’t want to get involved, and end up being unhelpful by benign neglect. If this attorney is hard to understand with respect o the pronunciation of his name, its possible its hard to understand him in other aspects of conversation, which is not a good thing.
“I think that colleagues in the workplace should avoid making comments about each other’s attractiveness.”
My gay male coworker / buddy is quick to tell me when I look fabulous. I wouldn’t have it any other way
Assuming that his name is spelled in English using the common standardized romanization used in the last few decades, here is what each letter in a romanized Chinese language word represents: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinyin#Rules_given_in_terms_of_English_pronunciation
(There are no other people in your office who know the Chinese language and can help others with the pronunciation of his name?)
I don’t think the wiki standardized romanization table will help, especially if you don’t have linguistics expertise.
A bigger problem is that he might pronounce his name according to local or regional dialect, and if you ask someone else they will likely give you the standard Mandarin pronunciation. After he TOLD you his way, and you deliberately use another way, he will of course think it is a microaggression …
Sometimes I wonder if people realize the mean things co-workers say to each other in fun. I must commit a million micro aggressions a day against other white males. Since I am more careful not to offend minorities and women is that in itself a micro-aggression?
So, call the attorney by his first name. Problem solved.
I’m betting his first name is no walk in the park either.
Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes their first name is shorter or anglicized. Then again, maybe “hey you” is in order 