Bay: it is true that “learn manners” can be quite classist and racist. Whose manners? How rigidly? I once used the wrong finger bowl: the shame! the consequence! In truth! How did I ever get to 55 and not know?
On the other hand, if we work in the frame that Hunt is promoting, where interlocutors feel some duty to recognize and respect the other person (rather than mock victimhood) and to work to create a community/country (not of shared values even, but of shared public space), then perhaps we can move beyond opposites of cut and divide (right and wrong) to opposites of scale (light to dark).
I was working in Singapore, and it was considered quite an ugly American thing to do, even though people were too polite to comment. The ripple effects were subtle, but evident.
I agree, but I do worry that participants in conversations are being asked to mind-read a bit. As mentioned upthread a few times, different people are going to perceive different things as microagressions, and the number of things that could be perceived that way is probably finite, but still uncountable. So if the objective is to avoid microagressions, how in the world are we supposed to ever hold a conversation, at least until somebody figures out telepathy?
Last month, while furniture shopping, I noticed the name tag of the sales associate helping us. She had a lovely Persian name. Having lived in and around that area of the world and being somewhat familiar with common names and their meanings, I had an idea of what her name meant. When I commented on what a lovely name she had (with a lovely meaning as well), she smiled broadly and began asking me how I knew the meaning. We proceeded to have a lovely conversation, it seemed to me.
My appearance would give no indication that I would posses this knowledge. I am white and blonde with a slight Southern accent. According to some on this thread, I might well have been committing a microaggression when all I wanted to do was be friendly. I would have done the same if her name had been a traditionally western European, African, Russian name, etc. that I find lovely.
So, seriously, as a pasty Southern person, am I not allowed to comment on anything that doesn’t apply to my specific background/physical identity without running the risk of offending someone?
Of course I am not referring to “Wow, that was surprisingly articulate” kind of comments. But then again, where do you draw the line?
Just call someone out on it if they say something that can be interpreted as disrespectful. Give the benefit of the doubt.
Geez, people really need to chill out. Life is tough out there. If you get this offended at every single thing, you are going to have a tough road ahead.
If I think someone is demeaning me, I just call him on it right on the spot (if circumstances allow). Why not? But then I don’t go around looking for reasons to be offended.
After reading this thread, I went to grab a bite to eat today in a crowded food court. Used the radio app on my phone to turn on the Rush Limbaugh program, turned it up as loud as I could, and listened while I ate my lunch. That is probably over the line of microaggression, but it helped me cope with all the negative emotions I experienced.
I agree that sometimes we’re being asked to read minds, or to take what seem to be extreme steps to avoid offending the easily offended (see our discussion on non-gendered pronouns). I think the need to be sensitive and kind goes both ways–people should be given the benefit of the doubt, even if what they have said offends us.
The idea that “victimhood” culture is primarily a left-wing phenomenon in this country is ludicrous, given that the notion that “Christians” (meaning a certain kind of Protestant) are oppressed – largely because they no longer have the power to have their all of their religious beliefs embodied in law – is what fuels the entire agenda of the religious right. So calling that kind of attitude left-wing is as misplaced as the way people on the right constantly condemn so-called “political correctness” on the left, despite the fact that no howls and squeals of outrage are louder than those of right-wing people whose own fundamental beliefs are questioned.
Of course “cis” – which is short for cisgender or cissexual, and simply means “non-transgender” – can sometimes be used as an insult, but that doesn’t make it inherently insulting, any more than a gay person describing someone as “straight” in a condescending way makes “straight” inherently an insult. Of course, I have no reason to believe that the woman in question is anything other than cisgender herself, and one doesn’t usually hear cis people disparage other cis people for being what they are themselves! In fact, if I wanted to, I could suggest that such usage constitutes an appropriation from trans people.
Coulter is one of those people I referred to above who never apologize for anything, no matter what, even when it’s glaringly obvious they’re in the wrong. But now we’re talking about overt aggression, so I guess it’s somewhat off topic.
I completely disagree: I have heard people of all types praised as “articulate,” and it has been said to me. It never occurred to me to think that it was a veiled insult. I do not think it suggests that black people are not articulate.
I think this is nonsense. It is a simple compliment. Not all individuals are articulate, some are more articulate than others.
Yes, there are some people who may compliment a person as being “intelligent” or “well-read” or “articulate” or whatever with an implied “for a ______.” But to simply assume that all people who compliment an individual are doing so in such a manner leads to madness.
Is there anything a white person can say to compliment a black person that is not an implied insult in this world view?
Tell me, if someone says I have nice hair or compliments me on my jewelry, should I assume that they are finding something nice to say about me because I’m not pretty? Should I get angry?
I’ve seen this question asked several times now in this thread…
Based on Microaggression theory, microaggression is the “casual degradation of any socially marginalized group, such as poor people, disabled people and sexual minorities.”
Since the theory says white males are the socially dominate group, they can never be victims, unless they qualify as another protected group (poor, LGBT, etc.). If you’re a middle class, white cis-guy, forget about it…
@Bay “Adding, that there is something amiss in our progress toward a “colorblind” society if we have to edit or omit commonplace words depending on the race of the listener.”
I think you hit on a key point. As a Baby Boomer, I was raised during a time when the ideal of a “colorblind” society, while certainly not being fully achieved, was at least held out as goal for our society. That’s the way my parents raised me and I was taught to treat everyone the same no matter their ethnicity, gender, class, or color.
It feels we are now being pushed to a completely opposite point. We are now expected to interact with others in a way that: 1) demonstrates a full and deep sensitivity to the differences between each person we interact with and ourselves ensuring that we don’t offend anyone by pretending to understand their experience, appropriating any speech or cultural references from their experience as our own, or saying anything that can in anyway be construed as suggesting an inherent bias of insufficiency related to their distinct background, and 2) that through our interactions with others, we somehow acknowledge areas of our own “privilege” that has provided us with unfair advantages that others may not have had while yet still not violating #1. In short, instead of being “colorblind” we are to fully be “color/race/etc. sensitive” while not overtly acknowledging that sensitivity.
My wife is Asian and I am white. Growing up our sons heard comments that ranged from legitimate, harmless questions about their background to those that were intentionally mean-spirited and ignorant. I told them all the same thing - don’t rely on anyone else to ever define you or validate who you are and where you came from. Not even me. Because it is always a losing battle. I feel fortunate that is a lesson they all seemed to learn well.
I wouldn’t be insulted, either, if somebody told me I was “articulate.” But if I were black, and people said that to me frequently after fairly mundane discussions, then I might feel differently. Part of this is trying to put oneself in another person’s shoes.
This is why I don’t like this term, because I think what we’re really talking about it just a particular case of the thoughtless remark, like saying “It was God’s will” to a person who just lost a loved one. These are just rude remarks that grow out of insensitivity and ignorance–and often, an assumption that other people have the same attitudes and experiences that we do.