Mixed grades from freshman fall semester

Parents Forum
1

My s finished his first semester and he got two failing grades but he also got an A- and although the whole picture is bleak with him on academic probation, he says he wants to go back. He had organizational issues and has difficulty writing papers but the reality is he didn’t set up things at his college to get help with them as well as he was socializing too much and missed classes. I feel like if he got all D’s or C’s it would be an easier choice to have him stay home but the fact that he could and did get a good grade makes it murky for me. I want him to stay home and let his brain get more mature but I also wonder if I am giving him enough of a chance before pulling him out. I have read other posts on this site where kids have failed but wanted to know what parents did when there was mixed grades like this.

Thanks -

2

Hi there. We’re in a similar situation, although he didn’t fail anything. See the thread on this site about “What to do: Disappointing first semester” – where I posted basically the same question. Lots of good thoughts there that may be useful. Bottom line: my S is going back but with a plan in place on what he will do to improve his performance; we’ll also be asking more specific questions about grades and how things are going than we did this past semester. You can always let him go back but then if it looks like he’s not changing his path and not improving, pull him before the withdrawl deadline (doesn’t save all your $, but doesn’t blow it all either and gives him a shot). Good luck, and don’t feel alone – lots of us dealing with the same thing. Lots of stories about how they get it straightened out in the end.

3

Which subject did he get the A- in and which ones did he fail? Was it a matter of being weaker in a certain field?

In regards to his difficulties with writing papers, if he goes back, have him check out the writing center on his campus. I’m a writing center tutor at my university and we help students exactly like your son. We help students identify and work on their struggles in writing and help them not only with their current paper but their writing as a whole.

Some students feel embarrassed about going to the writing center because “only bad writers and dumb people” go there, but that’s not true at all. I make appointments with my colleagues and go over my own work because everyone can benefit from getting help with their writing.

So, if it’s the writing that is holding him back, encourage him to get some tutoring. It can really help and most writing centers should be very welcoming and eager to help.

Good luck with everything.

4

Thank you for the posts. I have read some of the posts on the other thread and they are very helpful. I definitely think having a plan set up is a good one. It is just hard to know if it will be still too difficult for him to get it together. He did well in HS and he tries, he just has not gotten the sleep/social stuff down and perhaps the organization down and ended up missing classes. I did suggest he go to the writing center last semester because in HS he used a writing tutor because of his organizational issues and he thinks they are more helpful with the writing basics like grammar and fleshing out ideas - his problem is his poor working memory and being able to discuss at a macro level - he ends up researching way too long and can’t step back. But he needs to learn.

I think I am going to see what plan we come up with and if we do decide that he could go back, then keep an eye on the withdrawal date - good idea.

I know many people go through this - it is hard to see a bright person who worked so hard to get there not be able to stay at college. But I definitely agree with others who say it is up to the student to make the changes they need.

5

Perhaps let him take one less class than normal to lighten the load a bit. And I do agree with assessing his area of weakness and creating a plan (ex. weekly visits to writing center, perhaps finding someone at college who can help him keep organized) to help. In addition, I’m not sure how to monitor it but the excess socializing (I’m all for having fun on weekends, but weekdays and Sundays must be for studying) and missing classes has got to stop if you agree to send him back to school.

And it is totally not my business and you don’t need to respond to this comment, but perhaps he can be assessed to see if there is a learning disability there – if there is the college’s Office of Disability Services may be able tot help him (especially with issues like organization).

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I see some conflicts in your post mom. Someone who “tries” does not miss classes. Someone who “tries” does not socialize too much.

What is his intended major? What were the low grades in? STEM courses? If so, does he plan to major in a STEM field? What was the A- in? A “rigorous” course, or the equivalent of basketweaving?

Does he attend a public or private college? (The latter generally don’t award F’s unless there is almost zero effort.)

p.s. “working memory” doesn’t have anything to do with missing class.

7

Ditto the recommendation for the writing center and adding a recommendation to meet with a librarian. They’re there to help everyone! and they’re usually wonderfully helpful people when it comes to papers. Definitely an underused resource when it comes to research papers or any assignment requiring literature of any kind (even the sciences).

8

I did a long post some time ago about time management. It boils down to this: there are plenty of hours in a week to socialize and enjoy recreation if you have a weekly/monthly planner or calendar and you use it always. This can be electronic or on paper.

At the beginning of the semester, when course syllabi are handed out, mark the dates and times of every exam, every paper due date, every class meeting (lectures, labs, and discussion sections). You can’t just work day to day or week to week, because you’ll never prepare adequately for exams or papers or research projects.

Check the plan every day, morning and evening. Amend it, update it with new information. Check off assignments you have completed, classes attended.

Start with the basic fact that there are 168 hours in a week (24x7). Then consider that you’re likely to be in class – including lectures, labs, discussion sections, etc. – about 15-20 hours. This leaves you with 148-152 hours that are initially UNSCHEDULED. So what to do? Fill the remaining calendar with needed preparation for class (reading, problem sets, language labs, etc.). List the specific classes/subjects you are devoting each hour to. And use your daytime hours between classes to fill up what is essentially a 40-hour work week Monday through Friday. Then add hours to evenings as needed when projects are due or the reading is particularly heavy. And the add hours for clubs, recreation, films, etc., on top of your coursework.

Suppose you have some weeks when your classes and preparation, reading, etc., add up to (egads!!) 60 hours??! That leaves you with a mere 108 additional uncommitted hours!!! PLENTY of time for recreation, sleep, eating, hanging out, etc. And you will be able to do that without feeling guilty about it if you’ve used your core waking hours productively. This doesn’t mean there won’t be times when different assignment due dates will crush you. You might even have to put in a few long days, and even “overnighters” to meet deadlines. So what? Believe me, you won’t be alone! But there will be plenty of time for everything else if you’ve spent your daytime hours productively.

I am by nature NOT a planner. But I realized when I was about to enter college that the rule of thumb was that I would have to spend 2 to 3 hours out of class on my schoolwork for every hour in class. I attended a college that is notorious for the work load – not the number of class hours but the amount of reading and studying required. Even so, with about 15 hours in class, I could manage the work if I put in 30-40 hours outside of class. If I used the space between classes during the day – in the library or my dorm room or some other study place – I managed the heavy load.

But I also had fun because even in the weeks that were most demanding of my time, there was time for other things if I had a working plan.

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I think it’s hard for kids to understand that they are only in class a minimal amount of hours per week - that they actually should spend more time studying “out of class” then they are “in class.” Many kids don’t need to do that in HS and think an hour or two a day is going to get it done. I took a simpler approach than Mackinaw and just told the boys they had 8 hours roughly each day that they weren’t sleeping, eating, working out or in class and what did THEY think was a reasonable amount of time to spend of that 8 hours of unallocated time studying.

I also told them that it was easier to allocate those hours they decided to spend studying at the same time each day if possible and to find a spot other than their room to study and go to that spot every time so their mind “knows” that the spot is for studying. Then their “friends” will know their schedule and the friends wouldn’t be looking for them trying to get them to do something different. It’s easier to say and tell than it is for the kids to comprehend and execute, but I obviously agree with the approach of breaking down the day. Sometimes just telling them you expect them to work a 40-50 hour work week - class + studying - just to get the pattern of behavior moving. After working in high school if even in the summers and living with working parents their entire life, kids can grasp a 40-50 hour “work week” and hopefully after getting a positive study behavior going they will extend the study hours as needed.

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It does sound like a neuropsych. evaluation for executive function, memory and other issues, (or psych. evaluation in the case of ADHD) might be helpful.

11

Another parent wondering if he has been evaluated for learning disabilities, and if he has a diagnosis already, whether he has been working with the disabilities office. As the parents of one with a disability & one without, I can tell you that just telling a kid to get organized and get a planner if they have a disability that causes organizational issues won’t be enough.

12

Yes, the usual expectation is two hours out of class for every hour in class, although there is variation between different courses (some have higher or lower amounts of in-class time for their credit and assumed workload value).

College also has a much greater expectation of student self-motivation and time-management than high school. E.g. instead of small amounts of daily homework, there may be larger homeworks due every week or few, or just a small number of exams, papers, or projects through the semester.

13

Thank goodness bluebayou injected some sense back into the issue. Doesn’t anyone remember back to college? You don’t FAIL classes when you are trying. The people who FAIL have either bad attitudes (usually maturity) or serious personal problems.

Difficulty writing papers? Was one even turned in?