<p>Yep, just say that last sentence. “We need a place inside. Could be gorgeous; could be a tornado.” Laugh and carry on.</p>
<p>Good luck, again, to everyone. Especially Modadun. You are almost there!</p>
<p>Agree that the rehearsal dinner IS the groom’s show, assuming they’re paying for it. I will say that my in-laws had an awesome post-rehearsal dinner party. Lots of music and food for all the out-of-town guests. Super fun.</p>
<p>sryr, I’m not at all concerned who walks me down the aisle as MOG so you don’t have to be! Good luck!</p>
<p>Here’s a shout-out to all great MOGs. I know you’re out there.</p>
<p>Lucky, lucky us … I really like(d) our mother-of-the-groom. Shortly after the engagement, she announced that she tended to get carried away and that she would really appreciate someone telling her to stop and take a deep breath. She asked me to be that person as she wanted her future daughter-in-law to think she’s great. She was right in that she did want every detail of the wedding to be perfect (for an only son of a mother who likes “events”). I did tell her to calm down a few times and she’d laugh and say thanks and draw a deep breath. Her son did the same a couple times. We included her often (picking the wedding dress, etc.) and she always sent a nice thank-you, saying that she felt honored to have been asked to spend the day with us. The groom’s family graciously offered help with certain wedding expenses. I went with her when she decided on the rehearsal dinner venue. Was all perfect? No. I imagine we (daughter less interested in a perfect wedding - think opposite of bridezilla) frustrated her on more than one occasion but if so she only allowed the tiniest glimpses of it to show.</p>
<p>I have no idea of future mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relations - that’s for them to figure out - but I made a friend. :)</p>
<p>My son walked me (MOB) down the aisle and then joined the other groomsmen. Her son walked her (MOG) down the aisle with ex-husband following. Groom then joined the groomsmen to await the bride. MOG and ex-husband get along well and sat together on the front row.</p>
<p>I will tell you the story of my wedding, and you will see how a dress, a flower girl, even a mother in law can suddenly seam like a small problem. I met my husband and we fell in love (ahh!). We decided to get married after three months of intense dating. Of course I had to plan a wedding in just four weeks and it was crazy, specially because I had just moved to Miami and did not have a ton of money to spend. In making the guests sitting arrangements my future to be mother in law made sure I would not sit her guests my way and make sure we set with her, what made my plans of a bride/ groom table go down to the drain ( bringing me to tears). At 8:00 pm the night before the wedding I see the news and hear that a hurricane is approaching Miami. I call my future husband that assures me is a false alarm and that we have plenty of time to get married before it arrived anyways. I lived in Miami Beach and at 1:00 am I decide to go with all my guests and family to a Miami hotel in fear that they would evacuate the Beach in the morning.Fast forward to 8:00 am, I just realize that my hair appointment is all the way in Miami Beach (were the wedding is suppose to take place at 12:00), but by now all business are closed because the beach is being evacuated. I try to convince my husband to cancel the wedding, but he is adamant that everything will work out. I try to fix my own hair as best as I can and run to the wedding venue. To my surprise the flowers were there and most of the guests were there, even though you could hear the police and the sirens in the background asking people to pack up and go. We try to rush the ceremony. By now I am getting more relaxed and looking forward to a nice lunch with my guests thinking the worst is over. At 1:30 the ceremony is over and my now husband give me the news that the cater did not cook. I started to panic. My husband said not to worry. That we would feed them cake (by now people are looking desperate). We cut the cake and started to eat it and suddenly a collective expression of disgust can be noticed in the faces of the crowd. I tried the cake and spited it out ( literally). The thing tasted like gasoline. With no food, my guests started to rush out of my wedding as fast as possible ( I could not blame them). They eventually evacuated the beach, and the hotel were I was staying in Miami. My honeymoon flight got cancel and the airport stayed shut for a week. After that a hurricane hit Hawaii, our honeymoon destination, so we got a chance to travel. The hurricane was Andrew and I am happy to report that I’ve been happily married for 20 years now. So my advise to you: do not sweat the small stuff and see the big picture. Your wedding is not a party. It is those 20-30-40 years you spend with your husband. Enjoy them.</p>
<p>Agree completely that the rehearsal dinner is completely their decisions. The only caveat that we had was we include everyone coming from out of town and therefore, we’d help cover the bill of that. Anything else - totally their decision - even if they want to do Dr. Seuss for a 34 year old groom. 
I will definitely be smiling and nodding thru that one, but pretty sure that after hearing the Dr Seuss theme, the groom is sharing his opinion and has suggested compromises.</p>
<p>But now that I think about it… it does kind of support the beliefs of both D and future SIL that everything revolves around the grandchildren since any kind of Seuss theme could easily be confused with a children’s birthday party! Good news is that it will be clear that I have had nothing to do with it and glad for that to be the case.</p>
<p>
This is actually very positive. It will be a great story for you to come back and tell us. When my Wretched Niece’s gown ripped at her wedding (not a catastrophe), I swear to you I was thinking that I couldn’t wait to report back to CC.</p>
<p>Now, Modadunn, clearly Dr. Seuss is all about Baby Jane!!!</p>
<p>My understanding is that the FOG walks MOG down the aisle OR her son’s best groomsmen (not the best man). I’ve also seen it that the groom walks his mother down and then keeps on walking to the alter or wherever he’s going to stand. </p>
<p>My son is walking me down the aisle. He’s not in the wedding party but is likely doing a reading. However, during breakfast yesterday D thought that might hurt the groom’s sister’s feelings even though they don’t really get along as siblings and our kids are all very close. But if anyone can take the slight, it’s my son. He honestly just wants whatever his sister wants and said as much yesterday.</p>
<p>ddahwan - I completely get what you are saying… it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage. And this is one of the reasons D wanted no children in the wedding. Everything is very personalized for them - including their vows, music and reading. Their first dance is to a song that basically, if you listen to the lyrics, pretty much assumes someone is walking out on someone eventually but you have to be willing to drag the person back. Not exactly romantic, but probably accurate. My niece than told the story of meeting this 88 year old woman who had been married 64 years or something who said the secret to their happy marriage was that they never fell out of love at the same time. Another good and honest answer.</p>
<p>However, had the weather been not a factor… and the cake been horrible and the caterer forgotten your event… I am not sure the story would have the same meaning. Mostly, I don’t think I want to count on a tornado to keep Baby Jane from walking down the aisle as a flower girl! </p>
<p>Of course, it took a good friend of mine calling this morning to make me realize that my H’s latest plan of not really being around as I thought he would be for the two weeks before the wedding as a very good thing… I’ll get far more done and I can boss around hired help without explaining “why”, unlike bossing him around, which NEVER goes well, explanation or not :)</p>
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<p>I thought you didn’t want the cake to taste like gasoline?</p>
<p>I have not read the entire thread and I understand who some people think you should just be sweet and inclusive, but if these people are actually plotting this, then you do need to act. You will not win on a open confrontation, instead appoint someone (wedding coordinator) to take the heat and make certain this little girl does not accidentally wander down the aisle.</p>
<p>My MIL never protested the seating arrangements at the wedding rehearsal, but at the wedding she did not sit in her assigned 2nd row seat, instead sat in the front row. This was not the end of the world, but it was only an example of her ongoing ridiculous demands and manipulations. Think Everybody Loves Raymond Mom, but more clever and more self-absorbed. We were all lucky a major health issue changed her personality.</p>
<p>People who are manipulative like this get their own way or get answers to inappropriate questions because no one is ready for it, there is a shock value. They are highly skilled in making you feel bad for not giving them what they want. Stand firm, but do it subtly. You, sadly, have to beat them at their own game. I can do it a bit with the in laws, but it was quite difficult when I was young and could not see the big picture as well as I do now.</p>
<p>I also agree that the son/groom needs to handle the issue if it comes to light. It is his family, he needs to set the rules and not with a, “wife says” but with a “we want.” He will have to grow to be a very strong man to pull away and stand up to the family after a lifetime of being manipulated.</p>
<p>sryrstrss, I am also a MOG who has been deputized to organize the wedding. MOB is 6,000 miles away. It has gone pretty well; DIL says she doesn’t have a creative bone in her body and is happy to let me do my thing (and this stuff is my kind of thing). I take lots of pics of the stuff I’m doing and send them to her. They got out the save the dates (my son wrote them and the handwriting was LEGIBLE!!!) and have ordered invites, which I expect to arrive here in a couple of days because I am doing the calligraphy for them.</p>
<p>My biggest frustration is that S & DIL spend about 10 minutes a week on this stuff. I fear they will arrive from CA two days before the wedding and still have to write vows, figure out seating, who’s doing what, etc.</p>
<p>DH and S2 are catering, I am decorating the venue, making floral arrangements, programs, menu cards, favors, etc. – no wedding coordinator. I have been sewing stuff for the past six weeks!</p>
<p>I hope they still like me after this is all done. </p>
<p>DH wants to have the rehearsal dinner at our house (small 60s split level, which will be filled with folks staying over and Dh and S2 cooking all that day). Um, no. I want to take that party to the local rib joint!</p>
<p>I will give the groom a lot of credit as he is very independent and has needed to be. His father is a very quiet guy and also won’t confront or otherwise contradict his wife, but I still like him a great deal. D told me yesterday that the Mother of the groom’s brother is actually the one who seems most capable of getting his sister to see reason or light. So that’s good to tuck away.</p>
<p>And no… hired help was not referring to either the chef or the bakery. I am talking about physical help, picking up, delivering, getting the dock in, setting the buoy anchors, etc. And since we are giving our house to the groom’s family, and it’s VERY small, we will have to move almost everything usually here (clothes, etc) out. We’re on the second floor and it will all have to be moved to the basement of the family home. I’ve actually started to do that already, but when I talk about help I am talking about physical labor. I am guessing this is his plan, and just hope he realizes that it won’t be me doing it all in his absence! AkA - just add another bill to the pile.</p>
<p>CountingDown has made me feel like a schlub of laziness. Hats off to your endeavor of so much creative energy. That is not my forte in the least. And since we do have a wedding coordinator, I am very hopeful D is getting her money’s worth!!!</p>
<p>Countingdown…Wow…you are amazing. As for the reception at your house. I agree with you and the answer is NO, NO, NO!</p>
<p>Modadunn, I believe people who have been hired to do a job should be treated well no matter what their position. Physical labor is hard and can literally be back breaking over time. The person who puts in this effort deserves to be treated with respect, IMO. </p>
<p>Best to the bride and groom, MOs, and both families. Sounds like things have been stressful, and I hope some of the troubles melt away before the big day.</p>
<p>I walked my parents down the aisle, and my husband walked his. Then all the parents gave us away. Not very traditional, but I’m still happy about it.</p>
<p>OP: I agree that your D and her fiance should have their wedding the way they want it. It is not appropriate for anyone else to try to “shoehorn” the niece in as flower girl.</p>
<p>You can be proactive about where the niece and her mom are seated. The wedding does not proceed until niece and mom are safely seated. The wedding coordinator will be at the back of the church and she can also be alerted. I would also invite a special couple you know very well to assist with this, preferably mature people good at handling issues. Any police officers or principals in your circle of friends? Ask this couple to sit at the back of the church and introduce them to the wedding coordinator. They can be your backup help if niece and her mom circle around for an uninvited appearance. </p>
<p>So Plan A: niece and her mom are seated, probably in second pew. They stay there and ceremony begins. If they get up, senior assisting couple in back of church moves to back of church. The man (or one of the ushers) can escort them right back to their seats. And if there is a tantrum, they can be escorted away from the back of the church and down the hall. </p>
<p>You need to delegate handling of this task because you need to focus on enjoying the wedding. I absolutely would not allow this maneuver to occur. Round up the appropriate help and it won’t. It IS the bride and groom’s day, and they should have things their way.</p>
<p>I still think it’s a little much to think the girl is going to hijack the processional. The only <em>real</em> evidence you have is the “that might change” comment by the MOG at the shower.</p>
<p>What I think IS likely is that she is trying to lobby for this. Her comment to your niece was none too subtle and likely meant to get back to your D. That is the part that needs to be addressed directly by the future groom.</p>
<p>My MIL never protested the seating arrangements at the wedding rehearsal, but at the wedding she did not sit in her assigned 2nd row seat, instead sat in the front row. >></p>
<p>Purely out of curiosity, why wouldn’t she be seated in the first row on the groom’s side? It seems odd to me to have a parent in the second row. I’d be annoyed if it were my child getting married and they stuck me in the second row.</p>
<p>Deborah T -
Did I miss something? Where and when did OP said she was treating hired help (people who would be helping with moving stuff and arranging things) poorly? With all of us yacking all over on this thread and even calling OP names at times, OP has been nothing but gracious. It would be hard for me to believe that OP wouldn’t treat anyone with respect.</p>
<p>Post #208, third paragraph talks about bossing around hired help.</p>