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<p>I was wondering that, too. Maybe the chair set-up or the site was unusual.</p>
<p>Moda referred to “bossing around the hired help” with no need to explain why when her H was away. Yes, help should always be treated with respect, but it was obvious to me that she was joking.</p>
<p>If you were lifting and sweating all day long and somebody felt entitled to treat you poorly, like they’re so above you, would you find that funny? </p>
<p>I didn’t think so.</p>
<p>Because in a long service, like a full Mass, the attendants get the first row.</p>
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<p>I don’t think she has any intention of treating the hired help poorly. I think she was joking that she would boss them around, but didn’t mean it.</p>
<p>Perhaps it’s good for her to understand it might not be found amusing. I was sent a PM by another cc member thanking me for my post on this topic, btw.</p>
<p>Time to move on to other things, yes?</p>
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<p>Dang, I typed the entire thing, quite eloquently, then lost it as I waited too long to click post. ON the 2nd writing, I must have left out that DH’s parents are long divorced and he wanted Dad and sMIL in row 1, Mom & sFIL in row 2. One could argue that choice since pre-eminence often goes to Mom’s, but let’s just say I agreed with his choice, he had reasons.</p>
<p>So, MIL rehearsed sitting in row 2, then trumped it by sitting in row 1 that day. DH’s Dad & wife graciously sat in row 2 and just added that to the reasons why he was glad they divorced;) The Dad never said anything about the Mom, not good, not bad, but I got good stories out of DH’s aunt over the years. Yep, his mom was a major B****, not that I ever doubted it.</p>
<p>Look, when I say don’t sweat the small stuff,I am looking in retrospect at 20 years of marriage. I fought a lot for little things believe me, like my sister in law that made me walk down the aisle at her wedding in the hands of another man (two weeks after my wedding) because she wanted my husband to walk down the aisle alone. Or my mother in law that wanted my father in law to be present at my women- only baby shower. You have to deal and make your voice (or daughter’s voice) heard for sure, but keep the perspective of the moment. I’ve spoiled many happy moments in my life because I was so concentrated in the details, in the perfection of each moment, in the reaction of each family member, etc. This is not a criticism, it is more a “I 've been there done that” type of thing.</p>
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<p>Daughter just married with a nuptial mass. Parents sat on the first row - bride’s side and groom’s side. Attendants/groomsmen sat on the first rows also at the ends, not next to the parents. Another option given was to have the attendants/groomsmen sit in chairs slightly off to each side of the altar. They chose the end of the rows and it worked well. Nobody suggested that attendants/groomsmen sit on the first row in lieu of the parents.</p>
<p>I don’t know the circumstances, but it seems to me both parents and their current spouses should have been put in the front row. Weddings are not a place to announce to the entire guest list that there are family problems, which essentially is what was happening. My mother used to always quote that old saying about never wash your dirty laundry in public, and that’s always seemed a pretty good rule to follow. Anything that makes the other attendees comment on anything other than how beautiful the bridal party is and how happy the new couple looks, just seems out of place.</p>
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<p>My MIL would NEVER have agreed to be seated in the same row as her ex husband, my DH’s father. DH’s father was well aware of this, and was quite used to it and had no problem agreeing to take the second row. My parents were also divorced and re-married and would have had NO problem sitting together, but we did Row 1 and Row 2 for them as well to just kind of match it up to the other side rather than bringing attention to DH’s side being different. </p>
<p>It worked out, but it is sad that so long after the divorce, MIL still harbored (and 24 years after THAT still harbors) such bitterness against her ex. That bitterness has hurt her far worse than it ever hurt him.</p>
<p>“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting THEM to get sick.” ;)</p>
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<p>Obviously I forgot that sarcasm is lost on CC. My point in “bossing People around” is not to be rude or unappreciative. My point was hired help will not incessantly ask you why. They don’t care about your reasons. </p>
<p>Didn’t think anyone would assume I would treat workers like crap, but to clarify…Being someone’s boss (on any level) does not mean you can ever treat people without consideration. What I DID mean is that even in asking my H to do something with the most manners humanly possible, the odds are good he will have a better way, a short cut, or tell me it really doesn’t need to get done at all for one reason or another. </p>
<p>Let’s take weeding and mulching the garden for example. He’ll try to get out of doing it at all by saying it looks fine and/or no one will notice. So, in THIS case, I will call the landscaper and pay him to do it. And I can bet you he won’t care whether there is a wedding or not… he’ll just do the job hired for… and his bill will go in the pile. And yes, I will be his boss and so when I say, maybe we should put in some annuals to give us better color. My H would say I was being bossy. The landscaper will just think, I will triple the costs of annuals! 
Better? Being bossy in and of itself is not rude or inconsiderate… it’s only considered that when the person being bossy isn’t actually your BOSS!</p>
<p>mathmom – actually, it is traditional in Jewish weddings for the B&G to each be accompanied down the aisle by their parents. We did that – but have no idea what S and DIL will do. I’m sure they don’t have a clue, either. ;)</p>
<p>I am no paragon of virtue. Just bat-s$@# crazy. I am trying to spread all these projects out over time so I don’t wear myself out.</p>
<p>Okay, the “bossing people around” CC uprising was a tad bizarre. I think we can assume Modadunn is not running a slave labor camp. Even if more than one person came to the same outlier reaction about it . :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Jeez Modadunn. I despise having to continually ask anyone to do something and then having them act as if <em>I</em> am somehow the “problem.” I actually don’t think there is anything that gets me angry like that does.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>And glad you have the gardeners coming.</p>
<p>Moda didn’t mean anything bad about “bossing hired help”. She was comparing it to telling hubby what she needed done and he having an opinion about everything. If hubby isn’t there and she hires out for some of the tasks, it may be less stressful. And, actually, if you hire someone to do a job/task for you, then you are their boss. They are employed by you. So you are, indeed “bossing hired help”. </p>
<p>Oops, I see Moda already responded. But I DID have your back, Moda-friend. :-)</p>
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<p>It appears some people just like to goad other people, even after you’ve been friendly, offered support and helped more than once when they’ve asked. </p>
<p>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</p>
<p>Your clarification is appreciated Moda, and I hope my taking the time to post will have brought something a little more to your awareness level that may be helpful to you in the future. Boss and bossy are not the same. People often take a job working for a boss, but they may not accept one if they know it’s a bossy boss. Bossing people around has a negative connotation.</p>
<p>Turns out I had the story wrong, I just asked my mother, because I never saw any of it. Apparently DH wanted all the parents in the front row and when the ushers walked MIL down the aisle she MADE her ex husband, DH’s Dad & wife get up and move. So, instead of one big ‘happy’ family, they were kicked back a row during the pre-ceremony march in.</p>
<p>Like I said, I was in the dressing room, but my nearly 90 year old mother says I was about to kick MIL out of the wedding when I heard how she disrespected DH’s kind father.</p>
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<p>Today I received a patient in the recovery room who was rather wild and wooly after anesthesia. Three nurses were getting her settled in saying, “turn on your back, okay?” And “don’t pull on your IV, Mrs. Jones.” And also “let your arm relax while the blood pressure cuff takes your pressure.” “Keep your oxygen on.” And finally I said, “okay, I’m putting this warm blanket on you now.” </p>
<p>The patient looked at me adoringly and said sweetly “You all are so very very bossy.” LOL, I’d thought she was going to say how nice and caring we were. I laughed and said, “yes, we are indeed very very bossy…but affectionately.” </p>
<p>I didn’t take it personally. :)</p>
<p>I"ve been doing some yard work and getting some flowers/bushes going and, I sure wish I had some professionals who will just get the job done in a set time, not my sons who are in the “later” mode. So I know exactly what Modadunn means. </p>
<p>I can’t wait to get the feed back on these two CC weddings coming up. Garland and Modadunn, you have to give us a full report!</p>