Mother of Groom going Rogue!

Parent Cafe
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Wow. Villagemom–that would have a permanent effect on me! (how many kids do you have? Does the Village refer to your home? )</p>

<p>Ha! No, the Village is my town. If I went by my home I would be Madhouse Mom. We’re expecting our 7th. Pray for me! Or at least send wine.</p>

<p>I suspect that I’m going to be an awesome mother in law because I have learned what not to do from my own. I literally used to take notes.</p>

<p>I’ve learned to be genuinely helpful, based on the recipient’s needs, not my own terms. I’ve learned to accept that child care recommendations and safety measures change and it’s not a criticism of my parenting if my children do things differently.</p>

<p>I’ve learned that the most important goal in wedding planning is to help create an event that makes the bride and groom happy.</p>

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<p>Well, VM, I have to say I would have loved to have had seven children as long as I only had to be pregnant the two times. ;)</p>

<p>Yikes! Sit down. Put your feet up.</p>

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<p>My MIL also seems to think her son is perfect. I know better, but I don’t fill her in. ;)</p>

<p>Actually, I have always encouraged DH to make time for just the two of them-usually lunch, but occasionally dinner or some other outing. I think she really appreciates that I don’t feel I have to be part of every moment they share. It’s fine with me-it makes her happy, and on those occasions, I can just relax and not have to cook dinner. Win-win. :)</p>

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<p>Nrdsb4 you are very wise. My brother’s wife, who is a lovely, competent, special woman, never understood that sometimes my mother would just like to be with her son. She came with a ready-made family of three children, so when they married, my mother suddenly had a DIL and three grandchildren every time she saw my brother. to this day, 39 years later, my mother has not spent a single second alone with my brother. Not ever. My SIL truly believes that doing so would be inappropriate.</p>

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<p>Wow! I find that very sad for your Mom. :(</p>

<p>I have heard of women who are actually offended at the idea of their DHs being invited to do something with just Mom. I really don’t get it.</p>

<p>Okay, I’m going to tell DH he MUST take his Mom out to dinner this weekend. :)</p>

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<p>Geez. I send my husband to see his mother regularly, without me. I also see my MIL regularly without H. Also together.</p>

<p>My kids also go to see her without us sometimes to help her with the garden, or to drive her on a roadtrip for the weekend. I think she likes us in a group, but likes to see us all individually, as well.</p>

<p>But, you know, I really like this woman, anyway, and have no worry, from the minute I gave her her first grandchildren, that she would say one word against me to anyone on the planet. So it goes both ways.</p>

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<p>my mother is the oldest of five brothers… father (deceased) was oldest of 3 sisters and two brothers. I think ALL of my Uncles are coming, 3 Aunts and one other uncle. Like I said, LOTS of family from our side.</p>

<p>I will not walk my daughter down the aisle for three simple reasons. 1) The dress. It deserves to not be squished by parents and she is absolutely stunning in it and 2) I want my being seated to signify the start of the actual wedding. and 3) I honestly can’t wait to see her walk down the aisle on her father’s arm.</p>

<p>I don’t care who walks MOG down the aisle, but I thought it was traditional to have her husband escort her down the aisle if she is married to the groom’s father… as what else does he have to do? :wink: But I also think it would be fine to have the groom walk his mother in and then head up to his place. However, in our case, I envision baby Jane and younger brother (and MOG slipping her petals to toss). :0 BUT… all I really care about is that there is a significant pause before my son walks me down the aisle. He is not in the wedding party and will probably just sit on my left. And I leave room for my husband on my right. I imagine he’ll be the one to say, her mother and I do. But will maybe have to think about the chattel reference because seriously, she’s 28 and hasn’t lived with us since she was about 21!</p>

<p>But here’s a wrinkle that ought to get interesting… she was adopted by my husband when she was 6. My ex and I divorced when she was 2. He was a jerk, BUT his brother was an awesome uncle and his parents (divorced) also sent her stuff (we moved far away). So Uncle, his wife and three kids are invited (all in HS or college), as are the grandparents and the spouse that was spouse when D was born. But it was a big no on the ex husband, not by me, but by my D. I was NOT thrilled to be paying for any of them, but in the spirit of “not my wedding” we agreed they could come. Don’t know if they are coming or not, but she’s only having my H’s parents and my mom wear corsages (Groom’s grandparents deceased) and my sister who bought her dress. </p>

<p>We are doing tables at the reception but we’re not assigning seats per se, because mostly my family would just rearrange regardless!! It’s rude and ridiculous, but at the same time, they won’t be able to change the actual tables, so it’s fine. Im big on boy/girl seating and mixing it up. Other people not so much. I think you get better conversation when you don’t sit next to who you want to talk to most and get an opportunity to meet new people, BUT this is so not anything either D or I want to hear about/deal with. So… who sits at what table will be set, but not who sits next to whom. Not sure what we’ll do about the EX’s family but if 8 come, we’ll just have them all sit at one table!! Problem solved! And I have a core little posse of friends coming from home who have all moved away and so it’s like a little reunion… so they’ll sit together. They’re very social, and we’re doing the whole giant rehearsal dinner party, so everyone should be fairly friendly by the wedding at 4:30.</p>

<p>Has anyone heard the tradition to get married with the hands of the clock are going up? It’s kind of a big deal in our family, while other people have never even heard of it?</p>

<p>Any other good wedding superstitions out there?</p>

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Me too. Now they live across the country near my SIL’s family, so mom only sees him once or twice a year. Both mom and brother have serious health problems.</p>

<p>But I want to make clear that, while I disagree, I don’t dislike my SIL. I don’t know her very well, but we are all grateful for her bringing her children into our lives because her daughter is the relative to whom I am the most emotionally close and I am confident that her sons could have hung the moon if they weren’t so busy.</p>

<p>My mother gave SIL her wedding, furnished their first home, all of the china/crystal, etc. and we are so close to her kids that they spent every summer at my mom’s house growing up. It’s not that she is mean, she just sees them as a partnership and doesn’t think there is anything that should happen to him that doesn’t also happen to her.</p>

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<p>I talked to my parents recently about walking down the aisle. I asked my mom if they both were willing to do it. She said she thinks my dad would prefer to do it by himself (I’m a daddy’s girl through and through). After seeing him completely lose it at my graduation, I’m now inclined to agree. </p>

<p>I know my future MIL will insist on walking her son down the aisle or being involved in every way possible. We’ll see how it goes lol. </p>

<p>Moda, I’ve never heard of that. Then again, apparently my family has “family traditions” that the vast majority of the family has never heard of. </p>

<p>My cousin got married a few years ago and at her ceremony they preformed an old <em>family name</em> tradition that supposedly goes back generations. One, it was a Jewish ceremony (something with bread?) and while my cousins and I are Jewish by birth, the side of the family that they were referencing was the O’Irish Catholic side. Two, not a single one of us has every celebrated a Jewish ceremony in our lives. The rest of the cousins and I were at the same table and we all just stared blankly at each other like “*** are they talking about?” Apparently, they just created a “generations old” family tradition out of thin air as not a single person in the family had ever heard of this tradition. </p>

<p>Weddings are funny.</p>

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<p>Are you talking about a blessing over bread (challah)? That would typically be at a reception, not during the ceremony.</p>

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<p>At a number of non-Jewish weddings I’ve been to, the groom doesn’t walk at all, but is already standing up there when the ceremony begins. I assume he is in the front row or enters from a side door.</p>

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<p>Most of the weddings I’ve attended were like that.</p>

<p>I think at our wedding, the Best Man (DH’s brother) walked his mother (MOG) to her seat. I’ll have to ask him.</p>

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<p>I’ve actually never heard of the groom walking down the aisle. Is this new?</p>

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<p>I’ve seen a groom dancing down the aisle! Well, I’ve “seen” it via Youtube. </p>

<p>You all have probably seen it, too, but just in case you’ve missed the cutest thing ever:</p>

<p>[JK</a> Wedding Entrance Dance - YouTube](<a href=“JK Wedding Entrance Dance - YouTube”>JK Wedding Entrance Dance - YouTube)</p>

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<p>PG, yes that’s what it was! Yes, it was at the reception, not ceremony. I misspoke.</p>

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<p>I am curious about this. I don’t think I’ve ever been at a wedding or similar kind of event where the actual seats, not just table, were assigned. Is this common and I just never ran into it?</p>

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<p>Never saw seats assigned–just people assigned to a table. My D and son-in-law worked a long time on the table assignments trying for a good mix at each table. Son-in-law’s parents are divorced (it was not amicable) and they made a special effort to keep his mother with her friends and his dad and dad’s lady friend with another group. They had Dad and girlfriend sit with D’s godparents and family (who had all been to Russia–groom’s Dad is a Russian). D and son-in-law may have been overly cautious, because in the end everything worked out quite well.</p>

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<p>I obviously am clueless about all this stuff. I was just at a relatives wedding, and although we were seated well before the processional began, I dont recall when the groom went down to his spot. I just remember his being there. And yes, the parents walked the bride down the aisle (to the theme from Star Wars).</p>

<p>I adore my s’s and want nothing but the best for them. Their happiness is my happiness. As someone said, you are only as happy as your least happy child. So when they find someone who provides them with that level of happiness and fulfillment, nothing will give me more joy than to give them to their betrothed… Its making me misty-eyed to think about it (especially since we fully expect S#1 to get engaged one of these days). That said, the spouses will probably kill me for raising such slobs. Oh well–will be their problem now :)</p>

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<p>Re: JK wedding dance</p>

<p>^^^^^That’s a cute one. I wonder what the elderly guests thought about it, lol. </p>

<p>Wow, at the church where I got married, they were really strict about which music you could use. It couldn’t be classical unless there was a Christian theme, certain hymns weren’t allowed, etc. You could only pick from an approved list if memory serves. Much less something like that.</p>

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<p>It was quite obvious that the string quartet was unfamiliar with the song!</p>