<p>No offense to Moda, or anyone else, but this thread reaffirms that my and H’s decision to elope was a good one. I am not sure how I would feel if my own kids opted to elope rather than have a ceremony with family and friends, but I can’t say that the choice does not have a lot of advantages.</p>
<p>It seems to me that if MOG has already verbally alluded to a plan to send the child down the aisle as a flower girl, then it is time for Groom and Bride and MOG to confront her. Ahead of the moment. To say something like, “did I hear you say that the plan re/ the flower girl might change? Can we be clear here, that if you send that child down the aisle it goes against both the Groom and the Bride’s wishes? Are YOU trying to create a scene?” </p>
<p>A scene is in the planning. I guess if you don’t want to shrug and let the little Scarlett run on down the aisle then the scene should be had before the actual wedding.</p>
<p>A confrontation is about to happen. Make it your own battlefield!</p>
<p>Or else don’t battle on this day. Battle another day. For a battle is what it sounds like it will be.</p>
<p>How about, Mom, do you see that this is passive aggressive behavior? And do you see that this is not ok?</p>
<p>I guess I tilt on the side of let the little girl have her bottle, but I also understand that this is the tip of the iceberg and a pattern is starting. I am not sure the wedding day is the day to choose to try to correct the behavior. However soon after may be the time to stand straight and tall and set better boundaries. A day when a 6 year old throwing a giant tantrum while Gramma tries to use it to get her way and all can be sent packing without ruining something as important as the wedding day. Maybe next 4th of July or Thanksgiving or Xmas??? HmmmmmmmmMMMmmmmm that sounds like it could be fun (rubs hands together and raises eyebrow evilly).</p>
<p>Assuming that the proto-situation is shaping up as Modadunn says (and there’s no reason to think not, from her posts), i’m puzzled as to why some posters think it’s princessy and controlling to make decisions about one’s own wedding, but just alrighty for guests to make unasked for, unwanted changes to make it the way THEY want it?</p>
<p>If posters want to preach putting up with rudeness for the sake of peace, fine, but at least let’s properly identify where the source of the discord is coming from. I’m just astounded by the reactions of “you might be right, but so what–shut up and make nice anyway.”</p>
<p>I can’t imagine, at my D’s upcoming wedding, anyone in either family re-tooling anything about the ceremony to suit their wishes. I really, really can’t.</p>
<p>Well, if the little girl does walk down the church aisle and is removed in tears, it will be a wedding to remember in a way much worse than if she gets down there. </p>
<p>I’d stay out of it at this point, even if I were paying for the whole shebang. It’s up to the bride and groom to deal with this issue, and hopefully they do so graciously. </p>
<p>One of my best friends, nearly had an attack on her wedding day when she got up to the altar and noticed that her husband to be was not wearing the special boutonniere that she had selected for him, the one with rosebuds. All the men in the family and bridal party got boutonniere’s as did the women, corsages, but the grooms was to coordinate with the bridal bouquet. To her horror, she sees a very unfavorite uncle in the pews sporting the groom’s boutonniere. No one else noticed; it was a lovely wedding.</p>
<p>Another friend of mine was so upset when the wedding cake was not the one she ordered Oh, she was sooooooo upset. But, you know what? She and her mother were the only ones upset; none of the rest of us noticed, and it was a lovely cake, and delicious too. A gorgeous wedding too. </p>
<p>So, you kinda let some things go. The last thing you want to be is remembered as ungracious and selfish on your wedding day by all there. Ugly scenes will be remembered. </p>
<p>My MIL invited verbally a bunch of folks to DH and my wedding as she was unhappy with the limits we imposed on her list. Much of that was due to the fire laws at the church hall of our reception, which, yep, did get exceeded, thanks to her. But, what to do? Kick them out? I guess if the fire marshall were there, that would have had to have been done. But now, more than 30 years later, it’s not an issue at all. </p>
<p>And I assure everyone, that I don’t care if I’m not walked down the aisle or if the bride/groom at any wedding where I am involved have rules that aren’t what I want. And I won’t be involved in this sort of stuff. Just smile and nod, and sympathize. You had better believe I would not be the one yanking or keeping the little girl from going down the aisle if that should happen. I’d just make the best of the situation.</p>
<p>^My D’s reception is at a public building that is adamant about adhering to the fire code limits. They’ll be someone on site checking that. We’re in big trouble if someone decides to do some extra inviting!</p>
<p>My concern, whether she did or didn’t walk down the aisle, would be what his child would do. An out of control kid can really cause havoc.</p>
<p>Also, the best man has a job here, no? His job is to take care of any thing that goes wrong. Perhaps the best man could be placed onto high alert - such that if the little one were to start a scene he could be assigned the task of enlisting MOG or MOchild to walk out quickly with him - to leave the wedding. Yes. </p>
<p>Also, it is always interesting to me how some ppl would just pick their heads right up the moment the MOG made the remark at the toilet paper party and say in all earnestness, “what are you talking about, you know that would not be right.” While everyone else just shies away and mumbles resentedly inside. I am trying and trying the older I get to learn to do that. If there is any confusion about verbal interaction just to say something right away. It’s a life challenge!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I disagree…it is the brides day…and if the parents want to pay…they can and maybe make a few suggestions on things they want…then get out of the way. Just because they are paying, doesn’t mean they get to call all the shots…it IS the brides day.</p>
<p>Someone could be assigned to hold her hand and whisper exciting things in her ear. Much the better if the handler could credibly whisper “if you move or make a sound I will skin you alive.” Kidding. Sort of.</p>
<p>maybe I missed it, but I didn’t see that the child is out of control, only that she is indulged. Seems the white dress with pink sash is something the child’s mom and grandma purchased, and may have hopes of it bringing her into the wedding party. I think a simple clarification of the bride and groom’s wishes for no kids in the ceremony, by the groom with his sister, may suffice here at least to start. Yes, of course they have a right to create the wedding that fits and suits them, but be careful to not assume bad intentions from the family. Remember if MOG and SOG thinks this little girl is the cutest thing on the planet, they won’t understand why she isnt’ involved, from, their perspective it doesn’t make sense. Their dressing her in a “matchy” dress is not necessarily to intrude or be passive aggressive, could simply be cluelessness. So clue them in and head off an issue.</p>
<p>Congrats on d’s wedding, hope it’s a joyful day!</p>
<p>Zoosermom where is that “like” button! I’m envisioning the ol’ ear twist as the naughty one is escorted away. Used to be by the stern grammy. Oh well, sounds like that won’t be the case here.</p>
<p>How about fighting fire w/ fire? If she wears a white dress w/ pink bow give her a bunch of chocolate to eat to keep her quiet during the ceremony. Her dress won’t stay white for long.</p>
<p>/mean off.</p>
<p>Lindz, back in the beginning, the groom is quoted as saying that the child does what she wants and listens to no one. That is out of control to me. I could tell you stories of things that my niece did. With a big audience kids without good self control can wreak havoc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I honestly do not understand this sentiment. What about the groom? What is he? Chopped liver?</p>
<p>I was so happy on my wedding day to start my life with my best friend and soul mate. It was not “my” day, it was OUR day. Thank goodness we had loving family and friends there with no selfish agendas. Things went wrong that day but the love and happiness of our family and friends made it a perfect day nonetheless.</p>
<p>The groom agrees that he doesn’t want the niece to be in the wedding. He needs to address this both with his sister and his mother. Otherwise, the bride comes off as the bad guy in the scenario and that will not bode well for the future. If it was the MOB, then the bride would need to take the initiative here.</p>
<p>Zoosermom #69 is the best post of the thread. Yes, we need a like button on here. :D</p>
<p>^ well, the bride is usually the one who wants things perfect…most grooms are along for the ride from my experience. I know I was…my only requests was a band, no DJ playing their junk.(ie chicken dance)</p>
<p>Maybe the groom should talk to his mother and maybe the couple could take the little girl on an outing and talk about how the bride will be nervous and will be looking for her special girlfriend to wink at her as the bride passes as their special sign that everything is ok.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>^^^^MOB has said the groom is very involved in the wedding and has strong preferences. In this particular scenario, he feels exactly the same as the bride and MOB.</p>
<p>I was simply noting that we don’t know that said child behaves in an out of control manner, ie. has temper tantrums, and the like, but more to the point, it’s not the child that is the problem it’s whoever is fueling this. </p>
<p>In my view the good news here is that it sounds like the marriage is off to a good start in that the groom clearly does speak up and demonstrate that his allegiance is with his intended. Good for him. I say focus on this positive and not assume his family won’t respect these wishes.</p>
<p>The bride has to decide what she can live with. She can’t live with Baby Jane walking down the aisle. Fine. Can she live with the white dress? Corsage? Then groom communicates to mom and sister, MOB designated someone to keep an eye on that situation and all is good. Fact is, if this child is the youngest at the wedding and isn’t spewing pea soup, she will get a lot of attention and that is fine. The question is whether anyone will keep her in check if she starts acting up. Which she might not if she is getting lots of positive attention and enjoying herself. Bride shouldn’t notice the small stuff, but someone needs to intercede if the child really makes mischief. We don’t want to have to take up a cc collection to bail out modadun if she kills the kid for toppling the cake!</p>
<p>hugcheck, LOL at the chocolate. Zmom, LOL at skinning alive. Sounds like a job for the biggest, burliest guy at the wedding.</p>
<p>Really, Moda, I hope you can resolve this ahead of time. It would be a shame for Zoosermom’s wedding thread to <em>not</em> be the worst wedding story thread.</p>
<p>I can see the argument about putting boundary-setting of for another day, but from the sounds of it the darling’s mom will be dissatisfied no matter what Moda’s folks do, so might as well make the plan crystal clear to them ahead of time. Zmom is right, darling may misbehave no matter what happens. Stay strong!</p>