<p>When is the wedding? Because I am eager to hear how this all plays out.</p>
<p>And to the poster who gave the link to etiquetthell.com… thank you! That is some good reading!</p>
<p>2 words: wedding coordinator
if you don’t have one, get one! they can be hired for day of only </p>
<p>that person is responsible for enforcing that the child (and her mother) needs to be seated before bridal procession begins</p>
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<p>Not a bad idea, because he/she can be the bad guy and it’s no big deal if MOG learns to hate him/her. She won’t be around after the wedding, whereas the bride and her mother will. </p>
<p>On the other hand, if MOG has trouble respecting boundaries, the couple is going to need to set limits sooner or later. They might as well just nip this in the bud now.</p>
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<p>My daughter just got married and I mean just got married. Having a wedding coordinator was worth every penny and then some. It turned out not to be an added expense but rather a savings, as we would have not known some of the ins-and-outs that turned out to be cost effective.</p>
<p>The wedding planner made it clear when hired that she worked for me and through extension for the bride. She had a way of handling potential problems that made them go away with no one bent too out of shape. She did say that her popularity with extended family was the least of her concerns: she’d bear the brunt of displeasure if it came to that. Fortunately it never did. We were surrounded by lovely people who wanted the bride and groom to have the wedding they themselves planned.</p>
<p>For what its worth, my daughter and her groom decided not to have children at the wedding. After a moment of unhappiness on the part of the MOG - handled by her son - all worked out well. MOG made sure to include the young ones at the rehearsal dinner; parents of the young ones made arrangements for their care and well-being and even stayed overnight at the hotel where the reception was held. All seemed happy with the arrangements from MOG to parents to little ones in the end. Sometimes all it takes is a “no” from the right people.</p>
<p>By the way, I don’t think either the bride or groom is out of line. Maybe because I saw our MOG move past some disappointment re flower girls to refocusing on the family member she wanted most happy on the day of the wedding. (Hint: not herself nor a young child) Her son’s happiness both at the wedding and afterwards meant more to her than taking a stand over something that put her on the outs with him and her future daughter-in-law.</p>
<p>I’m confused. You said the child was wearing “Ivory with a pink sash and a corsage”. Which is NOT white and doesn’t mean she’s throwing flowers anywhere. A simple corsage is just pretty and doesn’t mean much.</p>
<p>I’m with zm. I think the kid will be real trouble in 10 years. I guess there were early post details that have left my head shaking…“indulge the kid”, what dress “she” wants to wear, how “she wants to be part of a wedding”. Huh? She’s SIX years old. At six years old, my kids weren’t telling me what to do, I was telling them. Or maybe I read wrong, and it wasn’t really the kid at all, but her mom and grandmother. Either way, I don’t think the couple need to be doormats and cave to protect the family peace. </p>
<p>Now I’m wondering about invites. S1 is engaged. DIL has potential parental sets (many) and I am re-married. Ewww, I never expected my name to be on there just because I am paying for most of this. I don’t expect to be calling any shots just because I’m writing the checks. I hope the invite says “John Smith and Ann Doe” request your presence.</p>
<p>DIL and I spent much of this week discussing details. I am guilty as charged in it being “the bride’s day” and I’m MOG!! In my experience, most grooms just don’t care all that much. I was telling her to narrow down her choices and present him 2-3 things in each category. I kept telling her it was “her” day and I’d give random ideas, but I would not be pushy and each decision was up to her. Ought oh :)</p>
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<p>The Princess for a day mentality has created a few monsters. Haven’t any of you watched Bridezillas? OMG, you want to scream at the groom “What the HELL are you thinking?!?! Run man, run far, far away!!!”</p>
<p>:D</p>
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<p>My parents were divorced and remarried. DH’s parents had5 marriages between the two of them. We joked that if every parent expected to be on the wedding invitation we’d have to say “continued on next page…” :)</p>
<p>As it was, we said “Nrdsb4 and Fiance, along with their parents, invite you to share the joy of their marriage…” etc. Saved some paper there.;)</p>
<p>this is the grooms job. if he doesn’t handle this here and know, their lives will be miserable with MOG calling the shots</p>
<p>now is the time to take control, otherwise I see many many fights having to do with MOG and his family</p>
<p>I’m divorced. </p>
<p>The invitations to my married kid’s wedding said:</p>
<p>Bride & Groom and their families invite you to share…blah, blah</p>
<p>My kid said “It’s nobody else’s business who paid for what.” I still don’t know what the “kids” paid for and what my kid’s in-laws paid for. I, of course, know what I paid for and have a pretty good understanding of what my ex paid for. </p>
<p>It may be that the wording on the invitation isn’t okay in etiquette books, but…it avoided arguments as to whether step-mom should be listed, etc.</p>
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<p>When my dad died a couple of years ago, the mom of the"Baby Jane’s" in my extended family made a big stink about how HER D wanted to do a reading at the mass. She would be HEARTBROKEN if she couldn’t! Just crushed. We were all fine with that. The day before the funeral I was speaking to this particular teen and said that it was very touching that she felt so strongly about doing a reading at my dad’s funeral. She looked at me like I had two heads and said “I didn’t really want to but my mom is making me!”</p>
<p>Some “adults” use their children to literally parade their own issues in front of an audience.</p>
<p>^^^^Whoah, EPTR. :eek:</p>
<p>I never cease to be amazed at the sketchy things people do without skipping a beat.</p>
<p>Well then, YOU are invited to our next family gathering and you can take some notes!! :)</p>
<p>Oh, my. Just joined this thread, but as an upcoming MOG, I’m finding this scenario painful reading. I agree with those who are encouraging the OP to let the groom handle this with his sister, and you say nothing more. The little girl’s mom needs to be set straight by her brother in the most upfront and direct way possible. At some point when the groom has his sister’s ear, he needs to say, “We know you’d love to have little Janie in our wedding, but we have decided not to include any children. I know you’ll respect our wishes. I’m sorry.” Then the groom needs to say the same thing to his mom, and to tell her he also made his wishes clear to his sister and that she understands. If the message is given in a no-nonsense tone, it will be heard.</p>
<p>So far, Dh and I have managed to stay on very good terms with our son’s fiance’s family, fortunately. If anything, I think the MOB and I are more simpatico with one another than we are with either the B or the G when it comes to what we would like to see and have happen at the wedding! But we’re old, 
and the day does belong the bride and groom. I’m doing my best to stifle my own preferences unless asked, and help them make the day their own.
I value my relationship with my son and his fiance too much to let differing ideas about the wedding details, big or small, tarnish it.</p>
<p>I agree that groom needs to tell his sister/mother and you (mother of bride) stay out of it.</p>
<p>Having said that - if they are truly manipulative, and somehow manage to “sneak” princess in, your daughter should not make a stink in the moment. Because people like that secretly want the reaction, and don’t give them the satisfaction. It’s kind of a variant of “how do you act when you meet your Ex’s new girlfriend/wife.” With nonchalance.</p>
<p>" It’s kind of a variant of “how do you act when you meet your Ex’s new girlfriend/wife.” With nonchalance"</p>
<p>I agree completely. Don’t blink. Don’t give them fodder for future negativity. Let them be the subject of the funny wedding stories . The bride and groom will have this to laugh about for years to come.</p>
<p>Moda, I agree with those who recommend having the groom handle his sister and his mother.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, if he comes back from those conversations not convinced they will behave, you’re allowed to say to the MOG, “I heard you say the other day that the issue of a flower girl isn’t settled. Why do you think that? My D has been clear all along that she does not want children in the wedding.”</p>
<p>That’s pretty clear, in my book. </p>
<p>And I am of the mind that there are many many passive agressives among family members; that having a little girl walk down the aisle when she hasn’t been asked to do so is a big deal; and that this will set the tone for the relationship between your D and her future MIL for decades to come.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Etiquette is mixed on the subject of guests in white and today many people wear beige or cream colored suits or dresses to weddings. The new Emily Post says that it’s fine as long as it’s not bridal looking. Heresy to some of you, I know! Knowing that many brides do care, I wouldn’t, however. In any case, one can’t police the outfits of one’s guests - if the little girl shows up that day dressed inappropriately, it’s a reflection on her parents, not you or your D. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/fashion/weddings/wedding-qa.html?_r=[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/fashion/weddings/wedding-qa.html?_r=</a></p>
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<p>From this comment, anything is possible, but I think it is certainly possible that they are going to try to change your D’s mind between now and the wedding. By her saying “that might change”, it at least suggests she knows that it’s not the case now. Your D’s future husband can talk to his mother( not the sister, because so far the sister really hasn’t done or said anything inappropriate) about the comment she made at the shower directly and ask her what she meant. Then play it by ear. No way should you as MOB get involved. Big mistake!</p>
<p>A wedding invitation is issued by the host(s) - it has nothing to do with the matter of who is paying for what.</p>
<p>As far as invites–my D’s invitation says “Bridesname and Groomsname would love to have you join them at their wedding”…time and place…Ending with “Dinner and enthusiastic dancing to follow.”</p>
<p>H and I are paying for it, mostly, but we see no need to advertise that. The invite also comes with a map of the area with “best ice cream near the Parkway, best sunset-watching over a WW2 monument, best cocktails on a schooner, etc” marked on it (all the family personal favorites), a copy of the local tide charts, and drawings of horseshoe crabs by D. </p>
<p>Certainly didn’t need our names.</p>
<p>Our wedding invitation read like your DD’s, Garland. We were doing our own wedding. However, I do get a a lot of invites where the parents are the ones announcing. I have no idea if that is just form or if it indicates who is paying for the wedding. I also see “Bride and Groom and their parents” used. It’s really a mixed bag. With many sets of step parents and if everyone is contributing on both sides, it would look a family tree before one even gets to the point of the invite, i agree. </p>
<p>Just talked to a friend of mine–she and her DH paid for the over the top extravaganza of a wedding of their DD three years ago. She said, "you had better believe the invite said “Mr and Mrs X”. So, the Golden Rule can come into play in these situations.</p>
<p>I don’t know what would have happened if anyone came to count noses at our reception, because we were way over. Has happened at other venues (not mine) as well. I guess the extras would have been escorted out and it would have served my MIL right, but it would have put a pall on the occasion which turned out absolutely wonderfully. People still tell me it was the prettiest wedding they had ever attended, and from the old photos, I have to agree. No glamour but very, very country and pretty. The luncheon buffet was the nicest I’ve ever seen and I’ve gone to over 100 weddings in my time.</p>