<p>Post 85–not a white dress, don’t see throwing flowers anywhere in the mix.
Please point me to details from the OP that make any sense of this.</p>
<p>I certainly don’t see getting bent out of shape that the little girl is wearing pink. Just because the bridesmaids are in pink doesn’t mean that they’ve trademarked the color. Anyone is still free to wear pink. And honestly, if I were the mother of the little girl, even if i completely understood no flower girl and fully respected that and had no sneaky plans, I might anticipate that she’d be in pictures and not want her to overtly clash.</p>
<p>^Lots of people might randomly end up in pictures with some members of the wedding party. Why would anyone expect all guests to match?</p>
<p>Groom, groom, groom!!! It’s his family and his wedding and he needs to step up to the plate and address it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So, when the wedding reception is not held at a home but rather at a venue like a restaurant or country club, how do you determine who the host is? </p>
<p>In the old days, the hosts of a wedding were the bride’s parents and the correct form was </p>
<p>Mr and Mrs. David Smith </p>
<p>request the honor of your presence</p>
<p>at the wedding of their daughter</p>
<p>Sarah Elizabeth
to</p>
<p>Mr. Jefferson Jones…</p>
<p>etc. </p>
<p>If the couple was older, especially if it was a second marriage and the couple was paying for the ceremony themselves, the </p>
<p>Sarah Elizabeth Smith and Jefferson Jones
request the honor of your presence…</p>
<p>because the bride and groom were the hosts.</p>
<p>Close family members and members of the wedding party got an invitation like this:</p>
<p>Mr and Mrs. Rochester Jones</p>
<p>invite you to a dinner following the rehearsal.</p>
<p>Everyone assumed that meant the groom’s parents were paying for the rehearsal dinner. </p>
<p>To me, the “host” is generally the person picking up the tab. If that’s not your definition, what is?</p>
<p>I had a client who flew with a friend to Columbia for her grandson’s wedding. She expected to be walked down the aisle to her seat. The bride said ‘no’. >>>>>>></p>
<p>Well,now that is just plain wrong. She is his grandmother, for heaven’s sake.</p>
<p>Geez, if I put in 10 -25,000 for the wedding, I want to be included as a host on the invite. (said as future MOG), unless the invite goes out in the worm’s and his g/f’s name. Then I’d be quiet. Oh goodness, so much to anticipate!
Having a few flower girls seems so trivial with all these other wedding dilemmas. I suspect we need a new thread.</p>
<p>Totally agree that “the host” is the person picking up the tab. My D and son-in-law had invitations that read: Susie X and David Y and their parents request the . . . </p>
<p>They were paying for some of the wedding and H and I were paying for the rest. I thought wording was fine.</p>
<p>“request the honor of your presence”</p>
<p>^ Don’t want to be picky but that’s only used if the wedding is held in a house of worship. “pleasure of your company” is used if it’s held any place else.</p>
<p>^^^Really? That’s a new one to me.</p>
<p>^ Yep, really.</p>
<p>I’m going with D’s “would love you to join us”. I think that’s official for lawn beside the ocean, right? ;)</p>
<p>I didn’t want to lord it over who’s hosting, as Groom’s family has had some financial setbacks. If that’s wrong on my part, sue me. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all sharing in their wedding. I really didn’t need to advertise my billpaying. (G’s dad is paying for a rehearsal gathering, and Gmom is having a next day brunch). I think we have it all covered.</p>
<p>“I’m going with D’s “would love you to join us”. I think that’s official for lawn beside the ocean, right?”</p>
<p>In fact, it is! </p>
<p>[Invitation</a> Etiquette : Fourth & Folded](<a href=“http://www.fourthandfolded.com/the-process/etiquette/]Invitation”>Welcome to fourthandfolded.com)</p>
<p>Sample 3</p>
<p>You’re invited</p>
<p>To the marriage of</p>
<p>Bride First Middle Last</p>
<p>And</p>
<p>Groom First Middle Last.</p>
<p>We hope you will join us</p>
<p>And celebrate our union</p>
<p>Day of the week, the date of Month</p>
<p>At time</p>
<p>Event Location</p>
<p>City, State</p>
<p>@garland - I am sure you wouldn’t tell G’s dad where the rehearsal gathering should be or Gmom how the seating to be arranged for the brunch. You would show up and be gracious because you are not the host for those events.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yep–D was married in a church.</p>
<p>Here’s the traditional view, from the time when the bride’s family was always given hosting honors and guests knew the name of the groom’s parents because they all lived in the same small town! Some people still follow this form, but it’s become very common to include the names of both sets of parents, regardless of who is or is not paying. </p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners’ Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium - Judith Martin - Google Books](<a href=“Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium - Judith Martin - Google Books”>Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium - Judith Martin - Google Books)</p>
<p>Elsewhere she says (in answer to who is the host of a wedding):</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>“Yep–D was married in a church.”</p>
<p>I wasn’t picking on you. I was referring to what was in post #105.</p>
<p>I love Ms Manners. </p>
<p>My son is gay. If we wind up paying for the entire wedding, either both sets of parents names will appear on the invitation or neither (the choice being the grooms, of course.) Being a host is not something to be purchased. It’s who you are in the overall design of things. </p>
<p>I really don’t care if we foot every last penny, I want the other grooms family to feel that this is equally their wedding as well. And I certainly don’t want to advertise who paid for what. How crass. </p>
<p>Of course, my hope is that we’ll simply recieve a lovely invitation for a wedding that the groom and groom have paid for themselves!</p>
<p>I haven’t had a chance to read each post in this thread, but would it be possible for you to call the mother of the child and say something along the lines of “we heard through the grapevine that little Gracie was talking about being the flower girl at your brother’s wedding. We just want to give you a head’s up that you might want to talk to her about her unrealistic expectation before the wedding, so that she doesn’t show up at the wedding and then get all upset about the fact that this wedding is not having any flower girls. After all, you don’t want to have to deal with her melt down on your brother’s big day!”</p>
<p>I was thinking that an approach like this might defuse the situation a little bit, if it sounds just like a child talking wishful thoughts. And yet it would still send a clear warning.</p>
<p>And if the child’s mother has any objections, I would blandly say “well, each person gets to have the wedding they choose to have. After all, I am sure you had things the way you wanted…and D and your brother have decided that they do not want any flower girls at all, and that decision is theirs to make, and ours to honor.”</p>
<p>I just feel badly that you have to deal with stupid stress like this. And also that this will probably not be the only instance with this over the years to come.</p>