<p>S1, a grad student, sent a card & called. He’s gotten good about these occasions & also sends gifts for birthdays.<br>
S2, a college junior, had to be reminded by DH that I still hadn’t received a card, so he called around 9:30 last night. Still haven’t received his card by today, though he swears he mailed it last Wed. This is typical for him…every birthday or other occasion, his card arrives late with a postmark on the birthday/occasion.
I partially blame DH for this. He did everything for them all the way through HS when it came to getting cards & gifts. DH did the shopping & paid for everything my sons “gave” me. They usually didn’t even know what they got me until I opened it. Fortunately, S1 has gotten past this, but S2 still expects Dad to take care of things for him.</p>
<p>Got nice cards and calls but never get a gift. One year I took DH and boys aside and said, “mother’s day = flowers. Get me flowers on mother’s day. I love flowers. Get me flowers.” Probably said it a few more times. Got flowers the next couple years, then it pooped out. DH is just not a gift giver. Even on birthdays it’s dinner out; that’s it. Dinner out and cards all are nice, but an occasional thoughtful gift would be nice. Flowers are so nice! This year I admit i bought some for mahself. So there. But still. I love them all dearly and appreciate the cards muchly. But yeesh - at $5 per card I’d rather just get some freakin’ flowers!</p>
<p>I’m sorry to read about such frustrating, sometimes sad days people had. Sistersunnie, particularly yours, which will never be the same.</p>
<p>For the most part, I don’t really get the MDay, FDay, VDay holidays. In fact, yesterday was my anniversary, too, which we celebrated solely by saying “happy anniversary” to each other–and feeling blessed and lucky to be together.</p>
<p>very accidentally, I ended up seeing both my mother and my kids yesterday, but it was not organized for MDay–it just worked out that way (I didn’t realize till a couple days before that it *was *MD and my anniversary–honestly these things just creep up on me). I cookeda simple dinner, and cleaned up, and again, felt happy to have these flawed but loving (as am I) people in my life.</p>
<p>To me, Mother’s Day is really for little kids to get to do the whole, make cards and bring mom toast and juice, type thing. If I needed it, or anniversaries, to remind people to remember they love me, then I’d be sad. But thankfully, I dont.</p>
<p>My husband and I use mother’s day/father’s day as a way of showing our children how much we value each other in our roles as their parents. We don’t do big expensive gifts, but we do acknowledge each other. My husband bought me a couple of flats of annuals and then planted them in their beds and pots. It cost about $30 and 2 hours of his time, and I will enjoy those flowers every day until the fall comes. I couldn’t be more pleased, and my son (12) helped and directed him. I’m seeing a time down the road in which the little guy will be doing it all, and even this year he feels an ownership of how our garden looks and will help take care of it. And someday he will know how to spend time and care in showing his wife how much he values her as the mother of his children. Win-win!</p>
<p>Saturday went to S2s college to move him home. Spent Sunday moving his stuff to the curb and cleaning his dirty house. S1 send me a voice message, it was meant to be a joke, but is was somewhat crude and I didn’t appreciate it…Happy Mother’s Day to me. As far as a husband saying that you are not HIS mother…that really hacks me off. You are the mother of HIS children and it will not hurt him to take a moment or two to do something nice to acknowledge that! And I don’t think it has to be a big deal, just a small nice thoughtful type of thing.</p>
<p>I agree. Do you ignore your kids on their birthdays? After all, YOU weren’t born that day.</p>
<p>I got an iMac with a 28 inch monitor. It’s really nice, but it’s really a family gift, as our household is long overdue for a decent (shared) computer. Husband and sons are thrilled at this new addition to our household. 10 year old son and husband spent much of the morning posing for the webcam and making fake pics of themselves riding a roller coaster, throwing their hands into the air for effect, as I prepared a simple meal for company.
I think I’m heading out next Sat. to buy myself a brand-new vespa scooter. Justified by savings on gas while I am not driving the family SUV around town (alone) to run various errands on my day off.</p>
<p>I don’t belive that expecting your kids or husband (father of said kids) to acknowledge you on Mother’s Day is an unreasonable expectation…there doesn’t need to be expensive gifts or fancy dinners but not acknowleding your mother or the mother of your children is very disrespectful IMO. For me, the hurt would not go away easily…and I would probably go on strike for a while (no groceries, laundry, rides, etc.) I would take the old fend for yourself attitude. </p>
<p>And if my kids were away and financially dependent on me, I would forget to send the check - be late with it. And if they were independent and blew me off, well, that is just selfish. And I would tell them so. There is no reason for it. Why should I slave and serve if nobody cares enough to make one day a little special - make breakfast, take a walk, or just tell your Mom (or wife for that matter) that you love her. Would it kill ya?</p>
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These things really boil down to what the family does as its traditions if you will, rather than what the TV commercial hype would like to have it be as they try to ratchet up all of these ‘observation days’ (can’t call it a holiday) in an attempt to get us to buy more and more. I know it’s not a ‘legal issue’ (you made me smile with that) but truly, it’s just how we observe these days in my family and different families observe these things differently. There’s nothing wrong with that. It really comes down to expectations and I think that’s what the OP and some others on this thread have pointed out - that they had certain expectations based on how they observed these days in the past in their family and now, poof - nothing, which leaves them understandably disappointed.</p>
<p>But my W did okay - she was taken to restaurants for lunch and dinner and remembered by both kids on the day.</p>
<p>There was a story on the news this morning about a woman who physically assaulted her husband yesterday because he didn’t buy her a Mother’s Day present; seriously…I couldn’t find the article online to link it here but when I opened this thread, I was convinced this was what this was about…</p>
<p>DH went through the “You’re not my mother” routine once the kids got old enough to (supposedly) have a clue. Of course, he seldom even spoke to his mother. Calling or sending a card would not be on the radar. Every year I would wonder if anything would happen. (He didn’t do anything for my 50th birthday/27th anniversary, which fall within four days of each other, a few months ago.) I have learned to treat myself to something small occasionally, and am getting better about not feeling guilty about it.</p>
<p>S2 typically made a nice breakfast when he was home. This year, the nest is empty. DH did yard work (which he absolutely hates, so this was a HUGE thing on his part) and took me out for lunch. We had a light dinner and he made me fruit with light whipped cream – an acknowledgement of my new dietary restrictions (also a BIG step for him).</p>
<p>2blue, I am so sorry S2 is being difficult. You do not deserve this.</p>
<p>The kids have gotten better about marking special occasions since they have been dating.</p>
<p>For the mothers of sons, go hunt down the barats and bereta youtube mother’s day greeting.</p>
<p>I hadn’t given this much thought but one of the things (of many) that infuriated my MIL about me was that I gave each of our children a birthday party every year. When they reached high school birthdays were special days and they could pick what they wanted to do.</p>
<p>My sense is (she won’t comment on anything now where she feels a shortfall) that my husband had two or three parties when he was a child. The parties she gave where, in here words, “society” or business dinners…all catered with children silent or gone.</p>
<p>My parents didn’t do much celebrating of their birthdays/anniversaries or mine. That was due to lack of time (my mother worked full time), money and interest. (Yes, I married as they say, up). But, when I married I gave my parents a 25th anniversary party which she spoke about until she died.</p>
<p>My kids take celebrations of their life for granted. They don’t have to be incredible events, but their choice and given with love.</p>
<p>One thing that my mother did do: Whenever there was a holiday, Jewish or secular, she invited anyone who she thought might be alone. We always had two or three very strange people at our home. This is a practice that I have continued to this day. NO ONE should have to spend a holiday alone unless they want to do so.</p>
<p>i made a tee time to go golfing just so i wouldn’t be home alone. and i was miserable the whole time i was golfing…i should have just stayed home. and i didn’t want the phone calls…i miss my kids so much and just didn’t want to act happy for a mother’s day call. it was a terrible day for me.</p>
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<p>UCDad–I think you phrased that very well. It does seem to come down to expectations–if you expect something specific from these (aptly termed) observation days, it certainly will be disappointing to not have these expectations met. It also does seem to come down to how families see themselves as operating. I do understand expectations (I have some great expectations of my own) but I think the disappointment/anger/hurt comes from a disconnect between what expectations are expected, so to speak.</p>
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<p>I may not be my husband’s mother, either but I’m gifting myself an iphone this week.</p>
<p>Not too great for me! I got very ill on Thursday night, chills, fever, stomach upset, then coughing, runny nose set in. I missed the professional dinner I was supposed to go with my H to, which he had worked on. I called my S’s friend who was going to house sit for us on Saturday & Sunday to tell him we wouldn’t be needing him. </p>
<p>H went off to pick up D at school on Saturday, I missed the Senior Art Show at her school, something I was looking forward to! They got back Sunday night around 10:30 PM and unloaded all her stuff. They gave me 2 very nice presents however! (I did not expect anything!) Got a text message from Son, phone calls from other 2 Ds. However I did not have to cook anything or clean up anything! I haven’t been sick for a long time! </p>
<p>I don’t buy into that “you aren’t my mother” business, the best thing you can do for your children is to treat their mother with love & respect, so they take that with them into their adulthood years. JMHO :)</p>
<p>When my husband implied he was not my mother, I reminded him that he MADE me one!</p>
<p>But seriously: I don’t wan STUFf, I just want a day off from being a mother!</p>
<p>I don’t approve of Hallmark inventing holidays and expecting people to celebrate them. My family of origin didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and my family does not either. We’re not big on anniversaries either-- usually my husband and I both forget.</p>
<p>So I’m bit mystified about young women who expect their new husbands to know what they want. Shouldn’t you have this discussion before you get married?</p>
<p>My husband worked all weekend so I didn’t expect anything from him…just a quiet dinner at home ( it would have been nice if he had kept his promise to get gas for the lawnmower so I could cut the dog yard that the landscaper forgot last week )
My sister gets ignored for ALL special days and her daughter’s make a point to tell her they " can’t afford " to get her gifts…I say BS to that when the very next day they post their pictures on FB of their little trip to Key West. I am tempted to call them out on it , but not sure if two grown women in their 20s and 30s would take kindly to being scolded by their aunt…really, it doesn’t take much effort to send a card or make a call !
Oh and I should be grateful that my husband didn’t ask me to work with him all weekend ( I was a little under the weather ) and I did buy myself one of the emailed specials from Williams Sonoma :D</p>