<p>Mother’s Day was allright I guess. H wanted to buy me a bead for my (new) pandora bracelet but no one in this rinky dink town I live in sold them so he said I could buy some on line. He didn’t want to travel an hour to get to a store and I don’t blame him. He traveled all week and the thought of getting into a car! Ugh! </p>
<p>My D is in the middle of finals, I got a text from her first thing in the morning. I didn’t expect or want a call, she spent the day in the library which is where she should be. S is home and wished me happy mother’s day. He and H took me to dinner, he offered to pay but since he has no money and I would have to loan it to him, I declined.</p>
<p>What did hack me off though was H attitude. He asked S what he wanted to do. H wanted to take a bike ride and go golfing with S. He never asked me what I wanted to do. It really hurt my feelings, I told him that I wanted to go for a walk. H took a 2 hour bike ride and then all of us went for a hike. H was not going to complain but he was so tired during the walk. Serves him right. I hate it when he has an agenda and doesn’t want to see what I want to do cuz he doesn’t want to mess up his plans. He also made some mean comments to S about me. I told him he was hurting my feelings and to cut it out. He thought they were funny comments about me but it was mother’s day and I just thought they were mean.</p>
<p>This is what H does for gifts at all holidays. He doesn’t like to shop, so he’ll find something he knows (or maybe he doesn’t know) we won’t be able to find or buy the day before said holiday. Then he puts me in charge of buying my gift. Annoying as heck.</p>
<p>Deb–that is awful. I’m so sorry. There’s never any excuse for mean-ness, especially to the people who love you. And saying it’s just meant to be funny is even worse–at least he should own up to his actions.</p>
<p>If this were me, I’d have issues that went far beyond obsrving or not observing the day. I hope he can learn to treat his wife with respect; this kind of behavior is just unjustifiable. My heart goes out to you.</p>
<p>CF, Mother’s Day did not originate with Hallmark. In fact, our minister at the UU church had the kids in church read the original Mother’s Day proclamation aloud to the congregation yesterday (the woman who started it was a UU). Just because Hallmark makes money from it is no reason not to recognize the holiday… unless, of course, you don’t value the contribution of the mothers in your life. Most mom’s I know would prefer a homemade card anyway (support the glitter and crayon industry instead :D).</p>
<p>Also… I think the moms with the most hurt feelings here have expressed to their spouses and kids that it is important. And have been ignored.</p>
<p>I’m late to the party but have a similar tale of woe. On my very first Mother’s Day, only three months after S1 was born, I was rife with anticipation from the moment I got out of bed. After all, I had quit my job to be a SAHM (happily) and had been pretty much handling all the parenting duties thus far. DH said nothing. So I figured he was hiding some great gift,meal…something and wanted it to be a surprise. The whole day went by…nothing.
He called his Mom to say Happy Mother’s Day (we had sent a gift). When she asked what DH had gotten me for MD, he looked stunned. He then told me “I forgot you were a mother”. I was pretty hurt.</p>
<p>Most MD’s since them have been pretty similar. He’ll usually asks “where would you like to eat” which sounds nice but we eat out every Sunday after church so it’s really no big deal. </p>
<p>Our S’s are hit and miss. The 24 yr. old called me last night and said “Happy Mother’s Day” but he calls me every Sunday night.<br>
S2 (21) occasionally comes thru with a card or a candy bar but this year nada.</p>
<p>Last night DH says “lets go out to eat” but all the “good places” had lines a mile long so we ended up at a fairly deserted Bob Evans with really bad food.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Oh yeah, I bought MIL’s card,put some cash in it and signed our names. DH was adamant that I needed to get it in the mail by Wed…sheesh.</p>
<p>We never do anniv. gifts, rarely do b-day gifts and only sometimes Christmas gifts (none lately). DH hates to shop.</p>
<p>Ok so taking this thread off to a side track. Am I nuts or should I have been upset with THIS one: years ago (still stings when I let it) MIL planned a day at the lake for the whole extended family. Picnic, swimming, the whole lovely day. Coincidentally, it was the day before my birthday. I didn’t expect it to be a day about me, at ALL, however, when desserts were served up I was kinda hoping for at least a cake and a little singing. Nuthin. Not a mention. I was hurt. DH didn’t understand why. (Now, I love my H tons but the holdiay/celebration/gift stuff is just meh or nonexistent.) I thought of this past incident in this thread because indeed, Moms teach their sons about celebration and this little non hooray day was I guess telling.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about the events on MD that made each of you sad. :(</p>
<p>I have 2 really good friends and we are always threatening that the BEST MD would be to be out of town on the day. I honestly have no expectations - don’t care about flowers, a gift or even a card - but some acknowledgement would be nice…so maybe I have a small expectation :rolleyes: </p>
<p>I texted both of them last night telling them next year we need to save the $$ and time to leave on Friday and come back Sunday night to a clean house and NO demands/questions from H or kids. This morning one of them called to tell me that her day was great until 6pm. Between her sister, her mom, and all 3 of her kids having some kind of a meltdown she declared we need to come back on the Monday :)</p>
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<p>Ditto for us.</p>
<p>Hugcheck - I get you. Not expecting a parade, just a little “Happy Birthday” thrown in. After getting married, I spent way too many birthdays at my in-town-in-laws because H’s out-of-town sister was visiting to attend the ACC basketball tourney… and my b’day falls on that week.</p>
<p>Intparent–these “observation days” whether originated from or just coopted by Hallmark et al still feel like fake-obligation to me. I think it’s unfair to say if someone doesn’t observe them, it automatically he/she doesn’t value the person who holds that role. I think valuing comes from day to day life, not from a pre-ordained value-time day. </p>
<p>Of course, if a person does assign it great value, then it would be prudent for those around her/him to honor that. That being said, I think not assigning it, in the face of reality, and focusing on the worth of the relationship in total, might be a way to avoid un-meant hurts.</p>
<p>My mother passed away 11 years ago. She was 64. She never met my brother’s children; she never saw her grandsons graduate. Mother’s Day is a painful annual reminder of how much I miss her. I would actually prefer to be alone or just NOT recognize the day. I’m glad it’s over.</p>
<p>12rmh18 - you can join me and my friends next year if you’d like. No “mom” talk necessary. We like coffee, long walks, wine/martinis. :)</p>
<p>I should stick up for my H. Usually he is the kindest nicest person I know. He doesn’t make mean comments. I have no idea what got into him yesterday, maybe it was dehydration on our 1.5 hour hike. His comments were really out of left field. I told him to cut it out and he did.</p>
<p>No harm no foul since he is usually very nice. But a dope where presents are concerned. He is a bad shopper, for anything.</p>
<p>Deb–good to hear that the comments were unusual. I guess everyone has a bozo day once in a while…:)</p>
<p>Not everyone celebrates every holiday. It’s a family choice-- and I don’t understand why some people here think they get to choose to celebrate one particular holiday and get to be offended if the other members of their family don’t find it important. Of course couples need to be sensitive to one another’s feelings, but what I’m hearing here is, “I want Mother’s Day to be about ME ME ME and I’m going to be in a snit of other people don’t think the holiday is important, and I’m right and they’re wrong and they’re offending me.” You’re acting as if you are automatically right, and the other family members are automatically wrong and insensitive for not going along with you. No, no… it’s <em>your</em> problem if you want Mother’s Day, or another important day like The First Day of the Hockey Playoffs, celebrated, and your spouse doesn’t think the day merits celebration.</p>
<p>I don’t think I’ve read one message on here asking to be the center of attention. Relationships are about treating loved ones like they want to be treated, not how you want to treat them. YMMV</p>
<p>Cardinal, hmmm. Are you married with Kids? I feel sorry for your wife.</p>
<p>By default, if you ignore the holiday, YOU are deciding whether to celebrate.</p>
<p>Thanks Cardinal! </p>
<p>In our house when some guy does something really jerky, my DH always says, “Now, he is making me look REAL good.”</p>
<p>DH is suddenly lookin’ REAL good.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone here is demanding to be the center of attention. Most want some kind of recognition, but it doesn’t have to be a parade down Main Street.</p>
<p>If you ask your dh to do something for you because it’s important to you, and he routinely ignores that request, that’s a problem, IMO. If year after year, a woman HOPES that her dh will get it and he never does and she never says a thing, that’s another kind of problem. There’s is no right or wrong about it, just respecting each other’s wishes.</p>
<p>I told ds2, who is 16, about this thread over dinner and those who say, “She’s not MY mother.” He said, “Dude, are these guys suicidal?” :D</p>
<p>So it’s not just me. The best thing I can say about Mother’s Day is that the way it has gone for me the last several years, it now tops Christmas as my LEAST favorite day of the year.</p>
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<p>Married, check. With kids-- well, one kid, check. Wife? Nope, I have a husband. He has a wife.</p>
<p>We too are not big gift givers for anniverseries, Mother’s Day, and Fathers Day - but we do try to mark the occasion with an experience - like going to the farm to have special coffee and pick up our annuals or making a special breakfast. We really don’t buy alot of “things” but we do “experiences” where we do something special for each other or just spend time together.</p>
<p>For BDays, I make their favorite dinner and they are “special” for the day. Sometimes that means letting them take the day off of school, sleeping in, and going out for a special lunch - if that doesn’t work because it coincides with exams then we postpone to another day.</p>
<p>One exception - we have a tradition, every year my H and I announce the family’s vacation plans at Christmas. We start talking about what we want to do for the next year when school starts in September…everyone provides ideas but then my H and I decide and announce it on Christmas AM - although we all get some smaller gifts, that is the big gift for the family.</p>
<p>I still think that every mother (unless you are Mommy Dearest) should have the expectation that she will be honored in some small way on Mother’s Day - home made card, special phone call, just something. I don’t buy Not my Mother and for the grown kids that just “forget”, then they need to be reminded to grow up and not be so selfish.</p>