<p>Gee, I must be Mommy Dearest because I really don’t expect that.</p>
<p>Though I have to say, my kids are kind, loving, thoughtful people despite my lack of that expectation.</p>
<p>My mother died a few weeks ago, so I was a bit down. She drove me crazy much of the time, but I’m sad she’s not here to see the flowers and trees blossoming.</p>
<p>My youngest D wished me a happy Mother’s Day first thing. She’s the thoughtful one. Nothing from older D, even with prompting from H.</p>
<p>S at college must have realized what day it was midafternoon on Sunday, because he texted me and posted something nice on Facebook.</p>
<p>My husband, who REALY isn’t good with any holiday reminded me why I married him. Sixteen years ago my mother died in February, my father in the beginning of May. I wanted nothing to do with Mother’s Day. It was for MY mother. My husband got the kids and we drove to Old Town Pasadena to my favorite, now gone, restaurant/bakery. Despite my protests we went to breakfast (with a few snivels from me during the meal). An older woman next to me asked why I was crying. My husband blurted out that my father had died a week ago and my mother two months ago.</p>
<p>The woman and her family got up and hugged me. She told me that i would be ok and Mother’s Day was for me and remembering.</p>
<p>My husband asked for the check about a half hour later. The other family had picked up the check. </p>
<p>Mother’s Day is for all of us.</p>
<p>Ellebud your story brought a tear to my eye. My own mom passed away last June. Nothing she would have enjoyed more than to see her oldest grandchild, my D, choosing her college, planning prom, etc., and I am so sorry she is missing out on all of this. I hope it gets easier eventually…</p>
<p>Wonderful story, ellebud. Hoping your happy memories sustain you as you are grieving, kbiresearch.</p>
<p>kbiresearch: I am so sorry that you lost your mother. May you find peace and remember the happy times</p>
<p>Here’s my Mother’s Day story of a few years ago: I made my own cake… and instead of having all of us together, with candles and song, someone had eaten that first slice. I was livid! I broke in big sobbing tears because no one had made much of a fuss and then someone went and ate the cake I made without so much as a thanks. That shook up my kids something big. That night, they handmade cards and the next day (Monday) got some candy and flowers. And, of course, never forgot to tell me Happy Mother’s Day after that.</p>
<p>I feel awful for forgetting to buy MD cards for my steps. My mom and H’s mom have passed away, so it just wasn’t in the forefront of my mind. My dad and his wife sent ME a MD card and H’s stepmom called me to wish ME a happy MD. Man, I felt like such a loser for totally forgetting to do something for them. :(</p>
<p>Mother’s day is not only for your own mother, it’s a day honoring ALL mothers including grandmothers, mothers-in-law,step-mothers, adoptive mothers and god-mothers, etc.</p>
<p>Martina: I just reread your post. I am sorry for your loss. The first one without your mother is the worst.</p>
<p>Very early on, my husband forgot some date–I don’t remember which. It wouldn’t have been Mother’s Day because I’m not his mother (so I don’t expect anything from him) (yes, I’m in that group). When I told him I was disappointed, he said “why didn’t you tell me?” “I shouldn’t have to.” “Why not? You remind me about other things.”</p>
<p>Since then, for birthdays, holidays, etc., we have a conversation a few weeks before about what we want to do to celebrate. Not just my birthday or Mother’s Day… Christmas, anniversary, kids’ birthdays, etc. Emails go out. It becomes a cooperative thing. </p>
<p>Now, my husband is an engineer. He thinks very logically. But really, if you don’t tell people what you want, IMHO you can’t be surprised or hurt when you don’t get it. If you want the Mother’s Day where the kids come and take care of you all day, ask them for it. Me, I want the phone call and the hug.</p>
<p>The more I think about this the more I think that the fatigue factor plays a big role for us. It seems as if our lives have been so hectic and we have usually been so exhausted that these sort of holidays become “just one more thing” to have to handle.</p>
<p>I just got an email from Yapta entitled “Sorry Mom” travel sale. “Did you forget about Mother’s Day? That’s okay, we’ve got your ticket out of the dog house. Take her on that much-needed vacation she deserves… make it up to Mom in a manner she will never forget” Thought some of you out here might appreciate that :)</p>
<p>My son emailed me at 11:41PM on Sunday. (He has a new phone and hasn’t activated it yet.)</p>
<p>My expectations are so low that I was pathetically pleased.</p>
<p>For years, my H’s way of dealing with Mother’s Day was to very reluctantly ask me at about 5:30PM–often after I had already started cooking dinner–if I wanted to go out somewhere. I remember when I was a kid that my father would take my sib and I out every year and we would select a flowering shrub or plant for my mother. My H isn’t about to model THAT behavior. :(</p>
<p>His freshman year in college, after never doing anything MD-related unless it was a church or school activity, S sent me a mug with the school crest that read “Dartmouth Mom.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I drink my coffee out of it every morning.</p>
<p>There is a wonderful Billy Collins poem:</p>
<p>[billy</a> collins: The Lanyard - Billy Collins](<a href=“http://www.billy-collins.com/2005/06/the_lanyard.html]billy”>http://www.billy-collins.com/2005/06/the_lanyard.html)</p>
<p>Still waiting for S2’s card he swears was mailed last Wed. I would’ve much preferred an honest “sorry, I forgot”.</p>
<p>Early last week, D1 said to me on the phone, “Mommy, for Mother´s Day I got a card for you and I wrote something very nice in it. I think you will like it, but with you being outside of US, it´s going to cost me $36 to get it to you on time. I will save it and give it to you when I see you at my graduation.” I didn´t really respond to that.</p>
<p>I thought about it for few hours, I then emailed her, cc´d H (he was in Euroep) and D2. In the email I wrote, “It´s very nice you thought of me. But I just want to tell you that there are only 2 days when I expect you to show your appreciation, my birthday and Mother´s day. My mother will have something from me on that day. I don´t care how you do it, but just make sure the card gets here before Mother´s Day. By the way, we have a lot of stores that will deliver too.”</p>
<p>Apparently she called H to discuss this problem (probably to complain too). H said, “You know your mother by now.” She got the card to me and sent an orchid.</p>
<p>Okay, even I (who am often unhappy about MD inaction…) think that is probably going to foster more resentment than love (or even guilt). My D (who did call on MD) has a present in mind, but won’t be home from her internship until this weekend. I told her we could wait and the three of us (me, her, and her sister) could celebrate together the next weekend (her sister is at her dad’s this coming weekend). We agreed on a menu (grilling out and a special family dessert that D1 knows how to make). As with my birthday, I don’t insist on ON THE DAY celebration as long as something special is planned in a reasonable amount of time, and they at least call/provide special wishes on that day. If they were late every time I would be annoyed (and I hate it when they forget altogether!), but I would not expect my kid to spend $36 on postage for a card or even have something delivered if I were seeing her within a few weeks.</p>
<p>It will teach her to plan better next time. If she had mailed it in time it would have only been few dollars (or less) via UPS. I am going to pay attention to my credit card bill next month to see if she charged to my account.</p>
<p>wowzers…!</p>
<p>I’m with you Intparent.
I only expect a call, a text, an email to let me know you are thinking of me.
We’ll make time to create memories whenever we are together.</p>