<p>this truly was my hardest mother’s day. it was just difficult. i am still mourning the college empty nest–now that both kids are working, this new empty nest is really different. i have to adjust to the fact that they don’t get 3 months of vacation time in the summer to see me! i will be fortunate to have days from here on out!! </p>
<p>so, that coupled with the fact that no one was home at all, made for a long sad day for me. i know that we will all be together soon, but that didn’t make sunday any easier. </p>
<p>but i did stay busy and tried to make the most of it. not sure i could explain how i felt to anyone–it was just different…and hard!</p>
<p>First empty nest MD for me too. I spent it cleaning the bathroom because my daughter is coming home tonight Best present ever. And yes, I told my hubby, “I’m not your mother, don’t worry about it.” That doesn’t mean I don’t like to be appreciated, I do, it just doesn’t have to happen the second Sunday in May. I would love to be taken out for brunch, but we have never been able to afford it. Maybe one day … when filling up the tank is less than a meal in a fancy restaurant.</p>
<p>I care about M-day, but I don’t care about getting stuff. H pulled that “Your not my mom” on M-day when D was only 6 months old. My sweet dad pulled him aside that day for a heart to heart “let me explain something to you about women” talk. He told H that the more your wife tells you she doesnt care about something, the more she really does care. So man up and do SOMETHING.
So for years, I have pretended not to care and he has at least pretended to care about mothers day. It’s worked out fine…and I only expect a call from D and take out pizza from H. I am perfectly happy with the low key effort.</p>
<p>I think it is so ironic and sad that we as parents in this forum, who obviously devote so much time, effort, love, and creativity towards our children’s lives, appear to get little “return”. Not that we expect much, if any. That’s not what parenting is about. But it is human nature. Perhaps we give them too much! There is just something wrong when we are the last person that is thought about on a single day of the year, that (like it or not), is dedicated to us mothers/fathers. As a single parent, I put some the the responsibility of this disconnect seen in our children on those around us. Just as we teach our children how to honor and show affection towards grandparents, aunts, cousins, and friends, aren’t those people in a position to make sure we are honored? I really expect that our children SHOULD see what we do for/give them, and in return, treat others the same way. But with this generation of kids, that does not seem so realistic. Some of us parents were raised in “peace and love” generation, and some in the “me” generation. I am afraid that this may be the “me! me! now!” generation…</p>
<p>Ah, Musica, you’re killing us. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to be the person who *doesn’t *do that, and to bring up a daughter who doesn’t, either. I ask my H to believe what I say, not think I’m playing some kind of read-my-mind game with him. Likewise, when I tell my kids that what’s important is how you treat people, including your mom, *every *day, not on some artificial, arbirtrary once-a-year acknowledge-mom-day, I *mean *it.</p>
<p>I first heard the “I’m not your mother” line 3 years ago from my H…(have they all been communicating with each other?! which serves only to reflect the state of our marriage at that time considering he’d made sure the kids id age appropriate things to honor the day for me for the past 20 years. Last year, nothing happened…my most motherly D was away at uni, H followed the I’m not your mother line and went to play golf, my nephew who was visiting treated me and the other two kids who were here to breakfast…but they (not my nephew) were too tired after a night out to attempt to speak during breakfast. I was offered to be taken for dinner but it was such a half hearted attempt, I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up when a new day dawned. Was very surprised this year that errant H and only kid who was home stepped up to the plate…likely due to some pressure from oldest D who could not be here…but I had a lovely time… If it is not tradition in your family obviously it’s not a problem but it was always a tradition in ours so I do expect a special time and am very disappointed when they can’t be bothered.</p>
<p>I must admit to being disappointed by my child on Mother’s Day, too. She had to work that day but sent me a message via FB telling me I’m fabulous and suggesting we get together the day after (her birthday) to celebrate the two events. We took her and two of her friends to her favorite restaurant last night and celebrated her birthday with gifts and cards. I guess in all the birthday excitement, she forgot that Mother’s Day was the day before . Fortunately, DH treated me very well that day with a breakfast of French toast and bacon (my faves), cleaned the kitchen, and then took me out for the day.</p>
<p>Post #105 - and that’s why I let my daughter know it mattered to me, and it wouldn’t kill her to put a little bit of effort in getting a card out to me on Mother’s Day. $36 was a lot of money, but for all the effort I have put into her and love I have given her, it’s priceless. </p>
<p>After her talk with H, she actually got another card to send to my mother because she thought it would be hard for me to do so. She signed all of our names to the card. I guess she got the message. I think kids need to be taught sometimes.</p>
<p>I always have a great M Day , because I make sure it happens !! I start reminding everybody about one month in advance ( I have 4 kids over 18 ) I get gifts and calls ,because I let my family know it is important .One year my husband forgot ,and I said it was okay ,and bought something I wanted that for sure cost more than he would have spent !! I expect birthday gifts as well .Make it happen !!</p>
<p>sillymilly - well said. I am floored by all the mothers that are disappointed because our “busy” children and spouses were too occupied to take some time to acknowledge probably the most important woman in their lives. </p>
<p>And I don’t think it is unreasonable to “expect” someone to call and I say, I love you and I am thinking of you.</p>
<p>Anyone on this board has spent alot of time helping their children. Why is it OK for them to “forget” - we need Pepper’s frying pan (read the HS Class of 2011/College class 2015 thread!)</p>
<p>I’m with momofboston and sillymilly - we don’t do our children any favors when we teach them that they are always and forever the center of the universe and when we show them that their fathers don’t have to be thoughtful to us because “you’re not MY mother”. It’s all very well to rationalize the neglect because, after all, it’s only a Hallmark holiday (btw, not true) and suffer in silence, but what kind of spouses will these self-centered young adults grow up to be?</p>
<p>I think it also teaches our daughters to accept this sort of treatment when they are mothers and swallow their resentment as we do so often.</p>
<p>It’s ONE freakin day a year and they damn well better remember to go out of their way. Luckily, it’s pretty easy to get this across when they are small.</p>
<p>Wow, I’m really stunned by how seriously some of you take Mother’s Day and how angry you are at not being “properly acknowledged.” Yes, being a mother is important, and it’s important that children understand what a challenging job it is, but why on earth should it be recognized on one particular day of the year? My goal when raising my children was that they thank people who’ve helped them—as often as possible, not just on a “recognition day” like Teacher’s Day or Mother’s Day or Grandparent’s Day. I certainly don’t resent that they didn’t lavish attention on me on Mother’s Day; I was glad to hear from them and glad they chose to call.</p>
<p>Perhaps my view is warped by the terrible relationship I had with my mother, who constantly talked about what we owed her because she was our mother. It was a frequent lecture: “you must do <blank>, it’s your duty as a daughter.” Mother’s Day was hellish, as she criticized whatever efforts my sisters and I made. Eventually we all stopped trying, because nothing pleased her.</blank></p>
<p>Mother’s Day here was a little sparse as well. We did have other things going on; my Mom is in a skilled nursing facility right now, so our efforts were concentrated on taking Mothers Day to her (flowers, balloons, cards, LaBou – at least she had a nice MD). Plus D got home late Saturday night, so I suppose she couldn’t have been expected to, oh, pick up a card in one of the THREE airports she passed through. But DH dropped the ball for sure: a card and a fancy Lindt candy bar. Seriously?</p>
<p>ETA – dmd and others who think this whole thing is silly: That’s your privilege. For many of us, it’s a day – one day – we want to feel specially loved and appreciated. We feel it’s not asking much for everything we do. Please don’t tell us we shouldn’t be hurt when our nearest and dearest blow it off or forget.</p>
<p>I have no complaints but would like to say the best Mother’s Days were when the kids were in elementary school and their lovely teachers helped them make cards and crafts for the moms! So sweet. I really miss those days!</p>
<p>LasMa - I completely agree. My kids are well aware of the fact that it is hurtful to me and that for ONE DAY I would like them to think about my feelings.</p>
<p>I think that dmd was more refering to the spate of posts that characterized young people, in general, who do not properly recognize MD as “self-centered” and “neglectful” and raised badly. Ironically, there seems to be some overlap between those who feel that young people are being raised to be self-centered, and those who feel personally slighted. I can’t help thinking that if I, as a young person, got a whiff of “It’s ONE freakin day a year and they damn well better remember to go out of their way” – I’d go out of my way to avoid interactions whenever possible.</p>
<p>I don’t have self-centered, neglectful kids, and I don’t have any perceived slights/grievances issues. I think it’s because I have different expectations. But I do resent the implication that if I don’t elevate to immense proportions the importance of “one freakin day”, then I am raising barbarians.</p>
Best present ever. And yes, I told my hubby, “I’m not your mother, don’t worry about it.” That doesn’t mean I don’t like to be appreciated, I do, it just doesn’t have to happen the second Sunday in May. I would love to be taken out for brunch, but we have never been able to afford it. Maybe one day … when filling up the tank is less than a meal in a fancy restaurant.</p>
. Fortunately, DH treated me very well that day with a breakfast of French toast and bacon (my faves), cleaned the kitchen, and then took me out for the day.</p>