<p>There are a lot of judgement being passed around here. Every one is different and every family dynamic is different. I am sure quite a few people on CC passed a huge judgement on me about my earlier post about having my daughter spend $36 on getting the card to me (that´s one sushi meal out for her). It may not be what most mothers would do, but I would rather let my kids and H know of my expectations of them, so there is no misunderstanding. Once I tell people what I expect, it is then their perogative if they want to honor it. They could never tell me, “But we didn´t know, why didn´t you tell us.” I would rather be upfront with people I care about, instead of carrying resentment on either side. It doesn´t make me selfish by letting my kids know that I want to be appreciated.</p>
<p>I also don´t believe my kids would run the other way or refuse to interact with me because of what I ask them to show some appreciation on Mother´s Day.</p>
<p>I have no judgment except for those dhs who, being told this is important to their wives, continue to ignore them.</p>
<p>And my dh is an elementary-school teacher, and I know his kids’ moms always get something … if they remember to take the presents out of their backpacks! ;)</p>
<p>Agree with oldfort. I am also up front with my kids about my expectations and this year for Mother’s Day, I told my son to do better than a phone call and an e-card.</p>
<p>All I expect is that whatever my family chooses to do, that it is heartfelt. Doesn’t have to be big or fancy, it just needs to come from the heart.</p>
<p>I don’t think this thread is silly. I think this thread is sad. Some of you are so angry that your kids didn’t treat you the way you wanted to be treated. I understand you’re disappointed and hurt–but I have to ask: did you <em>demand</em> to be treated a certain way? Because, IMO, demanding rarely works out. It spawns resentment. </p>
<p>If you’re hurt, may I suggest you ask nicely for a mulligan? Tell your kids and your husband that you’d like to have a special time for all of you to celebrate the things you do for each other. Ask them to make breakfast so that you can relax and enjoy your family.</p>
<p>Alternatively, you can go on strike. If they don’t understand what you do, stop doing it. Let the laundry go. Let them buy school lunches. Serve frozen pizza–still frozen–for dinner. Drive them to school, if you must, but take them when it’s convenient for you, not for them… so that they get there twenty minutes early or get picked up late. Work to rule. You’d be amazed at how effective it is.</p>
<p>i thought of this thread in a similar light of the say it here thread…can’t i just say i was sad? it was a crummy day for me…not really the fault of my kids in any way…just crummy for me for a lot of reasons. yes, i think it would have helped to have everyone home for dinner and maybe a card and or a small gift…but the real core of the problem is just me. i was just sad. </p>
<p>i can’t expect others to lift me out of my doldrums, but it never hurts to be shown a little love!</p>
This would not be very effective in my house because I don´t do any of those things at home (my kids would laugh). It is interesting to me that you assume all moms do that because I have a lot of friends who share most of those chores with their husband, especially the cooking part (a lot of men cook).</p>
<p>I have a feeling most women here know how to deal with their family members.</p>
<p>Hmmm, I am not big on hallmark holidays or even on gifts for a holiday, I would prefer a gift when I want it and need it and when it’s on sale :D</p>
<p>That being said, I do appreciate some sort of recognition, a text, a call, a FB is fine. Everyone has busy lives and I am annoyed at having to jump through the hoops all these years and pay ridiculous prices for delivery items for my MIL. Groupon has put me in a much better mood the past few years.</p>
<p>I can see the point of both posts, we should raise our children to be thoughtful adults, yet we should not obsess over the specialness of a day created by a card company.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I would have asked DD in the UK to scan and email that card for free.</p>
<p>Really, as I posted earlier (#63), MD is not a Hallmark holiday. No more than Christmas is, although I expect Hallmark also makes a bundle off of it as well. It did not orginate with “a greeting card company”.</p>
<p>Even though it was a long time ago, I can still remember spending many Mother’s Days in tears after years of infertility. Now I have 2 almost grown kids who do remember Mother’s Day. I was a little sad this year when neither one was here Sunday morning to make me the usual God awful breakfast but it was a wistful sad not the old heartbreaking one. I’m so lucky to have them and it especially hits home with me on Mother’s Day.</p>
<p>* he made a silly comment like “you are not my mother”. *</p>
<p>I’m convinced that men use this excuse as a cover for their own laziness/forgetfulness. They heard one guy say it at one point, and kept it in reserve.</p>
<p>typically the same guy that says this does nothing for his own mother either (unless arranged/directed by his sister). </p>
<p>My H does remember me, but he NEVER remembers his own mom…I have to shop/send her gift. When she calls to thank him, he never knows what the gift was. LOL</p>
<p>None of this should really surprise us…how many times have our H’s said to us, “XXXXX at work had a baby, we need to buy a gift.” And we wives ask…Boy or Girl? Name? Weight? etc. And, the answer is…“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>(before my H calls any of his siblings, he asks me the names of their children.)</p>
<p>^^^ Absolutely, LasMa. Plus, many wives inherit the responsibility of honoring their husbands’ mothers on Mother’s Day. I don’t mind this, because his parents are important to me and his mom certainly does deserve recognition on Mother’s Day. But I promise you that he has never once thought of my mother on Mother’s Day, or worried about whether the card/flowers would arrive on time. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort and some of the other posters on the thread who mention making your expectations (or desires, if that’s a more appropriate word) known. Most of us probably assume that every one else feels the same way we do about social occasions. On Mother’s Day, I am more than content with a card or a phone call, wouldn’t like to fuss with flowers, and don’t need any more stuff. But my mom and MIL want more of a deal to be made. I had to learn this the hard way (as in, “if you don’t know why my feelings are hurt, I’m certainly not going to tell you”).</p>
<p>Some of us may have to spell it out for our kids a few times before they understand what we need. It’s just another mothering chore, which truly are endless, it seems.</p>
<p>Plus, many wives inherit the responsibility of honoring their husbands’ mothers on Mother’s Day.</p>
<p>And…WE don’t say, “She’s not my mother.” </p>
<p>This nonsense of H’s not acknowledging their wives on MD because, “you’re not my mother” is so ridiculous on it’s face. If H’s aren’t supposed to honor their wives on such days, that would mean that a mom wouldn’t get honored until her kids were old enough to actually do something. And, if those children have been raised in a household where they didn’t witness their dad doing anything for MD, why would the kids do anything??? Kids learn from example.</p>
<p>*Plus “WE need to buy a gift” actually means “YOU need to buy a gift.” *</p>
<p>Most definitely…and we don’t say, “well, he/she is not my co-worker.”</p>
<p>I used to prod my H to do this and that for his mother, buy her xmas presents etc. but I stopped. I figured, you know, she raised him, and if she didn’t teach him to do this and that, then I don’t see why I should ‘cover’ for him and make it look like he’s doing it. I am not his mother.</p>
<p>Conversely, I would not expect my children’s future spouses to ‘mother’ me.</p>
<p>I rarely liked any presents they got for me, and it just ended up being more ‘stuff.’ So now I buy myself a present (when I remember), something I may not normally buy, but it’s my trump card and they can’t say boo. This year, I told them I am buying an iPad. Haven’t done it yet though :).</p>
<p>Same thing for my birthday which is right around mother’s day. One year, I came home with a new car. I did warn my H though: called him from the dealer and said “I’m getting a new car for my birthday!!”. To this day, my D calls that car “your birthday present.” </p>
<p>I do clean up in the month of may sometimes :D.</p>
<p>INT- I missed #63, sorry 'bout that. Ok, I will change my comment…I try not to care about contrived holidays, MD/FD, Valentine’s etc. I think this stems from having a birthday near Christmas, even I don’t feel festive when my birthday comes, hard to come up with a gift I would like or a celebration I want to get excited about. Yet, months later there are things I would like to do. Our family celebrates the birthday month or even the birthday summer some years. It just works better that day, for us.</p>
<p>*I used to prod my H to do this and that for his mother, buy her xmas presents etc. but I stopped. I figured, you know, she raised him, and if she didn’t teach him to do this and that, then I don’t see why I should ‘cover’ for him and make it look like he’s doing it. I am not his mother.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>My MIL really knows that I’m the one who buys her gifts. </p>
<p>I know that I shouldn’t have to do this “job,” but I would feel really, really, really guilty if I just got something for my mom and didn’t get something for MIL. </p>
<p>And, as much as the sexes have gained “equality” there are certain things that women will always get blamed for…if the little ones are out in public in messy/wrinkly/dirty clothes, if the house is a mess, if gifts aren’t purchased for various “gift” occasions, if social obligations aren’t reciprocated, etc.</p>