<p>I want a job to get some extra money for college (I currently have less than $1,400 in my savings account) but a car would set me back and college is my main priority. Plus I will panic if I even try to drive after my panic episode the first time I drove. I went full speed and froze for like 3 seconds and slammed the brake ALL OF A SUDDEN and the sudden force scared me terribly. I’m almost 18 by the way. I just want to go to college ASAP and am planning on graduating by May. I think my dad doesn’t focus more on me gong to college because he said when he was my age he went and dropped out because he didn’t like it. But you need a diploma in the US nowadays, and I am dead set on going. He thinks i have no ambitions but going to college is my ambition. If I don’t go I’ll lose all my friends that I have, because they’ll move on with their lives, I’ll never get to meet a girl, unless I try a dating site and I’d rather meet a girl in person, and college is the only place with girls all around, I will not do that meaningless sex buddy stuff, I want a serious relationship, one that could lead to marriage, I’m looking for a soulmate, not someone JUST for sex. I’ll also never make a decent amount of money and I hate my stupid small town with no transit and rude people, and I long to live in a big city, that’s the proper lifestyle for me. If I try to tell him I need college to even have a life he will say Im just lazy and dont want to work which isnt true. Anything other than his way he considers not normal. Hes the one who doesnt make a lot of money, cause he didnt finish college. I want an education and an enjoyable time at college. I am set on going out of state even though its triple price and the debt will be worth it for me. Should I ask my grandparents to help pay? Even with my parents paying it still wont be enough, theres no way I will get enough with aid and scholarships. When I have some debt but a good job, a wife, Ill be happy and say (It was all worth it) Ill have no regrets. I am posting this specifically because I have not mentioned my dads opinion and how it puts extra stress on me, and I cant make him understand. He doesnt understand someones aspirations if theyre not like his. An extra thing to say, I wont be spending money on a car which means no gas, and no expensive phone bill. I will keep any spending to an extreme minimal, college is my main priority. Also if youve read my other posts, this is different than those (like I already mentioned) because I never mentioned my dads thoughts and the extra stress it causes me to have.</p>
<p>You have quite a few questions there!</p>
<p>We can’t convince your dad for you. You’ll have to have a calm conversation with him about your goals. </p>
<p>If you aren’t comfortable driving, you don’t need a car yet. With a car comes insurance and gas which are both rather expensive. </p>
<p>If I remember correctly, one of the colleges you were looking at is in Portland. Like many big cities it has an excellent public transportation system. You’d be better off buying a bicycle and helmet.</p>
<p>College may not make you happy. It’s great to have a goal, but it is also important to find happiness now. </p>
<p>If you can stay in state and graduate with less debt, I recommend doing so. You’ve likely heard that before, but it’ll suck to be paying a car payment-sized or mortgage-sized student loan payment. Big loans can keep you from future goals, which should include putting money away for the future.</p>
<p>Why not work and set money aside. Let your dad think it’s to buy a car in the future. Then after you graduate go to college w/ the money.</p>
<p>Who is supposed to pay for gas and insurance for this car? </p>
<p>Be sure to keep your money in an acct that doesn’t have his name on it. If you think your mom will take the money out to buy a car for you, then don’t have her name on the acct either.</p>
<p>There are several seperate issues you have to tackle. I would agree with you that you should save for college, but you may be able to save more at a job that requires transportation by car.</p>
<p>A seperate issue is the panic behind the wheel. It is true that most people need a college degree to secure a good job in the USA today, but it is also true that most people need the skill of being a competent, safe driver. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Well, that was one long stream of consciousness there! </p>
<p>You sound like a nice young man who has a lot of ambitions and that’s great. You can do all of these things. Unless your parents are paying for college, then you need to find a way to make it happen. Create a plan and then talk it through with them. Save your money and do the best you can. You can make it all happen.</p>
<p>You want to have as little debt as possible, trust me.</p>
<p>Sometimes parents may try to influence you not to do something because:</p>
<p>1) It is something that they don’t find valuable (I didn’t go to college and I turned out fine, or why would you want to do a year abroad?)</p>
<p>2) They feel like if you are trying to be more successful than they are that you are trying to be “better” than they are.</p>
<p>Objectively, going to college is a reasonable goal. Make that your goal.</p>
<p>A) Stop talking about meeting women/girls/getting married. Yes, that is a side effect of college but not what you should be talking about.</p>
<p>B) Stop putting restrictions on where you will or will not go. Finances are an issue. Consider instate. Consider scholarships. Consider asking your grandparents for help.
I realize probably you want out of state to get away from your parents. But even the smaller states you could live on campus and be far enough from home.</p>
<p>C) Instead of saying I want to go to college, talk about what you want to major in or what profession you are interested in.</p>
<p>D) High School grades should be your first priority, but being able to drive is a skill you will need to have at some point. Can you go back to driving with another driver in the car? Small trips? Also will a job help you make money toward college?</p>
<p>I am not sure of where you live or what your GPA is or ACT/SAT score is. But that information plays a big role in what lies ahead for your future. Have you tried talking to your guidance counselor at school? My suggestion is keep working and saving your money. Right now the money you have set aside will maybe cover the cost of books your first year. You will still need to come up with tuition and room & board. Which are the most expensive parts of college. Without knowing the real important details of your situation I can only offer a vague suggestion. Look into a community college where you can live at home, save money and get some college credits. You will see if college is truly for you while not going into enormous debt with school loans (if you are even able to get the loans … you have to have your parents financial information to fill out FAFSA and if your dad is not a willing participant that might prove to be impossible to get). If your small town does not offer any type of community college you could look into moving to a larger town or city that has one - but then you will have extra living expenses even with roommates, that can be quite expensive. </p>
<p>I would try to work out a deal with your dad. Try to negotiate a 1 year deal. You continue to work, live at home while attending a local community college and if you do well he must allow you to continue on at a state university to finish the last 3 years. I think that is a fair compromise. </p>
<p>Oh and college is not about finding the wife of your dreams. Please do not go in there thinking that is why you are there. Don’t be in such a rush!! Focus on getting top grades and graduating and the rest will fall in place when its meant to be. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>They feel like if you are trying to be more successful than they are that you are trying to be “better” than they are.</p>
<p>I was thinking the same thing.</p>
<p>If your parents don’t have money to send you to college, and your savings are small, you are unlikely to be able to afford to go out of state to college. Even if you are willing to take on a large amount of debt, you simply won’t be able to borrow enough money on your own. You will be able to borrow $5500 for your freshman year via Stafford loans; for any additional money, you will need to get someone to cosign your loans. </p>
<p>I urge you to talk to someone at your school who can give you advice on how to get to college. If your school doesn’t have a guidance counselor, talk to the principal. You’ve said in other posts that you’ve written that you’ve only recently become interested in going to college. This shows: for instance, you’ve not yet taken the SAT or ACT and you’ve not listed your GPA. Those are two of the most important factors in being admitted to college. </p>
<p>Wanting to go to college is very important, but you will also need to make sure that you can succeed in college. From your other posts, it sounds like you’d do best in a school that offers a lot of support, or a school which will allow you to get used to college slowly. Going to community college, taking a class or two while working might be an excellent way for you to get a feel for college-level work.</p>
<p>Here’s a different perspective. Perhaps when your father suggests that you get a car and a job, what he’s really trying to say is–“Prove to me you are mature and capable enough” to handle living away and all of the responsibilities involved. Many parents use the “first car experience” as a way to see how their young adult child can handle responsibility (earning money for gas, taking care of the car, keeping it clean, not getting parking and moving violation tickets, getting to and from jobs and school independently and on time, etc.).</p>
<p>You drove once, had a panic attack, and now don’t drive. This means, he and the other people in your life are stuck with the responsibility of getting you to and from places. To him (and many parents), this shows that you may have a bit more growing up to do.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Address your anxiety. When anxiety prevents you from doing what is a routine activity (for example–driving, going to the doctor, leaving the house, going into a crowded store, etc.) it is time to seek professional help in dealing and learning ways to overcome it.</p></li>
<li><p>Hate to break it to you, but whether you go away to college or not, you very well may lose contact with your HS friends. It is a natural course of life to spread your wings after graduating HS and move on. People move away for job opportunities. People move away for college. People move away just because they want to experience a new environment and start fresh. It’s normal. People grow and HS becomes a memory.</p></li>
<li><p>Despite what you may read on this CC forum, an extremely popular way to begin college is by attending your local community college. In other words, getting a car and a job may be your first steps towards attending a college. This way, when you graduate HS, it will be possible for you to continue working at the job while also taking a few college classes. Driving will be a necessity.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Why does your dad want you to buy a car? Is he having to drive you to the places you need to be? If not, and if you can get to a job and other places you need to go without relying on your family, I don’t see why you’d need to buy a car. Do you currently have a job? If so, there’s so reason why you couldn’t save up your money without even mentioning what it’s for. </p>
<p>However, your plan to go out of state for school may not be realistic. There are plenty of good schools in your state that will be much more affordable. Lots of students (most, I think) start at local community colleges or state schools. No matter how much you think it’s worth it now, you don’t want to go in debt for more than the Stafford limit, if that. And don’t go to college to find a wife - that’s not a good reason and many college students do not find a future spouse at their schools.</p>
<p>You drove once, had a panic attack, and now don’t drive. This means, he and the other people in your life are stuck with the responsibility of getting you to and from places. To him (and many parents), this shows that you may have a bit more growing up to do.</p>
<p>I don’t think this shows that the student has “more growing up to do”. Your next para is more likely. The student should seek professional help now to deal with this anxiety. Anxiety issues are not evidence there there is more “growing up to do.” </p>
<p>I do agree that the student should attempt to get over this anxiety unless he/she can always live where there is excellent public transportation. Not being able to drive while living in an area where cars are a necessity could make him/her a “bother” to his/her friends/family.</p>
<p>Yes, Op had many good questions. Allow me to address a few points…
First, continue with your desire to go to college.
Second, welcome to America, continue working on your English. Fair or not, but people are often judged by how well they speak- including during employer interviews.
Lastly, a high school boy does not need to worry about finding a soul mate at this time. Dating is a fun learning experience and to my knowledge, dating does not require sex. For now, think of dating as a nice time out with a pleasant companion- and not an interview for a wife.</p>
<p>A few things I have to say now. I want to go out of state for a BRAND NEW FRESH start in a different part of the country. That’s the MAIN reason. I got another reason too though, if I stay in state (It would definitely be in another town, going to a college besides community is literally not an option here, because there isn’t one). I couldn’t visit my family as much as in state, so I wouldn’t have to worry about an excuse for why I’m not driving there, it’s simply that I’m too far away. This reason just came after the main one. And also transit is very rare in Texas.</p>
<p>I want to get a self driving car when they’re available and the price becomes more affordable to the average person (as in average income). They are being made for the sole purpose of bringing down the number of car related deaths.</p>
<p>Cartman, is there a community college in your town? If not, how far away is the nearest school?</p>
<p>We can understand that you want to get a fresh start. However, if you don’t have the money to pay to move somewhere else, then that’s pretty much a show stopper. You’ll need to figure out options that are affordable. You may need to work for awhile, at least part-time, to save up money for college.</p>
<p>I am for sure not going to the community college in my town, I’d go to another town</p>
<p>Cartman:</p>
<p>We are assuming that you are posting on this board because you want the advice of parents. </p>
<p>We see you talking about a long term goal (graduating college) and we are trying to help you figure out the steps to get there.</p>
<p>Since you are just thinking about going to college as a senior, that indicates to us that perhaps you have not been on the college track all four years. You haven’t taken the SAT/ACT and haven’t talked to your guidance counselor.</p>
<p>So what we are saying, based on our experience and reading other’s experience on CC, your best bet to get through college is to start small, that is, a Community College. That will be easier to get into. You can see how you do. Then transfer to 4-year college.</p>
<p>What you want to do is apply to and get accepted to out of state colleges with no idea how to pay for it. That doesn’t seem like a realistic plan to us. Going to CC is a realistic plan. I know you want to get away from home…but baby steps first.</p>
<p>See if you can get some help with your anxiety/panic, so you can
Learn to drive so you can
Attend a Community college so you can
Transfer to a 4 year college so you can
Graduate and get a job wherever you want</p>
<p>Also I forgot something, why are there people in their 30s and 40s and older that have never been in a relationship? And they’ve tried everything, including not trying. I’m about to be 18 and STILL never had a girlfriend (besides a long distance one who doesn’t really count). That terrifies me, they’ve been alive longer so what gives me any advantage over them? I do care about an education but I also care about having a relationship, its just being a human! Also if you have a kid after 30 (I’d hate for it to take this long to happen anyway) the chances of them having autism go up! And at that age people’s physical attractiviness fades away (personality is way more important than looks but it’s still nice to have hot sex, i’m a virgin btw). I mean you only live once, so you never get another chance for anything ever again.</p>
<p>I can’t drive again, I like living! Also I couldn’t avoid my driving problem if I stay here and go to community college. Also most people are rude here and I’ll be lonely cause all the friends (not many) that I have will have already moved on. It’ll be almost like regular high school! I’ve been in an alternative school since the beginning of this year (beginning of 2013) but before that it was being bullied, and only felt accepted when I got to see my nerdy friends who I miss here. I have made a few friends here as well. What sparked me to post this is last night my dad let his steam out on me and I felt like I wanted advice.</p>