I’ll add my two cents here as I have a very similar kiddo who has done remarkably well in life (just sold his second startup). He received top 1% scores on every standardized test but was average in school…why? Who knows. Boredom, executive functioning, learning disabilities??? Not all kids are “school” superstars, but when was the last time any of us needed to know how to solve polynomials… There are other skills that will serve him better in life.
Cheer him on for doing his best and don’t worry about the grades. If he isn’t concerned about it why add that level of stress. Encourage him to find what he loves and let him pursue that with all his might. My kiddo went to a CalState where they accept almost everyone, but by then had figured out what he loved and pursued it with fervor. He met people with the same interests as his and they started their first company two years out of college. The rest is history.
A good attitude and commitment to a passion will get you further in life than a name brand college. I know it is scary for a parent to accept this and we are almost conditioned to push kids to top schools but look at the billionaires of the world…most didn’t go to Harvard.
I was also wondering about this, but didn’t know how to bring it up diplomatically, and I thank @Tigerwife92 for doing so.
@anne_1973, I want to tell you about my interaction with the Davidson Gifted program. Davidson is an organization dedicated to realizing the potential of highly gifted individuals, specifically those that are +3SD over the mean, which your child seems to fit.
My son and I attended a Davidson weekend program when he was in junior high. Because Davidson sponsors the program for a very low cost, many families there had highly gifted children in mediocre high school programs. And I learned that many of them vastly underperformed because they weren’t challenged.
Davidson also has a forum that discusses what are called twice-exceptional kids: Gifted students with learning disabilities. The forum used to be active many years ago, but I don’t know the current status. In any case, I am sure that if you posted something people would be happy to help.
I might be one of the few here but I just don’t understand why a 3.13 GPA warrants brain function testing. Yes he got a high SAT score- that’s great! Could that be some luck involved?
Maybe he gets the GPA he gets and none of these scores means there is anything ‘wrong’ with him at all and all of this concern about him might be giving him a complex in thinking he is damaged because his grades aren’t higher. Which would be very sad indeed.
I agree that a 3.1 and a 1580 alone definitely don’t indicate some kind of disability.
I think what has people alarmed (at least me) is the information that the student is spending 16 hours studying on Saturdays and Sundays. First, that’s completely inappropriate and alarming for what it says about this poor child’s life at home.
Secondly, if an obviously smart kid (1580) is spending 16 hours on weekends studying, in addition to studying on weeknights, this should lead to superb grades. The fact that the student is not getting those grades indicates that something is off. Either he has a disability of some kind (learning disability, ASD, etc.) or he is not actually studying when he is sitting in front of his computer for hours on end (gaming, Discord, etc.). That’s the disconnect that I think people are responding to.
Thank you. My son is actually a member of Davidson, and he attended one of the Davidson summer camps in elementary school. I should ask on the forum though, that’s a good idea.
We go out on most Sundays, but sometimes he has quite a lot of homework to do so we don’t go out, or my husband and 14yo son will go out. He did extracurriculars up until 8th grade. He was on a basketball travel team for 5 years but he quit because he didn’t like it. He had a part-time job two summers ago bagging groceries and last summer he had a job at my husband’s company doing data entry.
I understand that school pedigree isn’t necessary for success at all - my husband went to university in his native Kosovo and is now a successful executive in America. I just worry that in today’s world, it’s more difficult to succeed when one went to a low-ranked school.
Do you think your son resents not having any fun time with his family while he’s doing hours and hours of homework? Does he seem content with his current situation? Does he have anyone in his life he confides in?
What is the relationship like with the younger sibling?
Can you actually say “we do fun activities all together first. Hw is tomorrow, 2h max, and whatever you can’t do I’ll talk to your teacher about”.
Be the parent, put your foot down, protect your kid.
It doesn’t matter if he has ‘a lot of hw’. 8, 10, 12, 16 hours over the weekend is insane and WAY too much. Even in college he won’t have that much.
(BTW, does your HS offer dual enrollment? It may work better for him. Faster paced, less ‘busy work’.)
Make it a new policy that not completing all hw is okay.
Yes it probably goes against common wisdom but it may be what your son needs.
See where this goes.
Can he find a club to join? Hiking or basketball or anything outside.
And a social job (not data entry) unless he hates social interactions - scooping ice cream is a great one (people are generally happy when they buy ice cream, lots of positive little interactions.)
There used to be a member at the Davidson forum, aeh? aeg? who was a specialist for 2e kids, and able to tease out answers for kids who had everyone else stumped.
The problem won’t be the school’s rank - the problem will be finding the right fit x and getting in.
Because a stark discrepancy between ability and achievement, which cannot be explained by issues outside of the student’s control (grade deflation, illness, family problems) is a red flag for admission officers, too.
Is the student just lazy? Alienated? On drugs, addicted to gaming? Is there undiagnosed mental illness or a learning disability which will put stress on the college’s resources, cause the student to crash and burn?
All the questions thrown up here are questions the AOs will ask themselves.
Again, a student with this IQ, these test scores, going to school, doing his homework, working so hard, but “not understanding the concepts” in tests - you need to get to the bottom of this.
Yes - that’s the disconnect. The neuropsychologist said that she didn’t see any immediate signs of learning disabilities in his questionnaires or IQ test scores. She also said that his Processing Speed and Working Memory are so high that it’s next to impossible that he had ADHD. That just seems like the only option, however. I can’t tinder stand his poor performance any other way.
I don’t think that he is sitting on his computer gaming either. He had his mathematics final exam today, and he spent nearly all of yesterday and most of the day before studying. In that time, his computer was charging in our attic, and his phone was on his dresser. He had no technology, but still spent the entire day studying.
I don’t think that makes sense. My S23 was in the >99.9% category in his neuro-psych testing but very definitely has ADHD. Where that shows up is in his executive functioning and ability to initiate work. He still doesn’t understand how to study (but doesn’t spend hours trying and failing to do so).
oops