Folks, my problem was that she was still upset enough to steal the sign and write on it, as she has been “joking” about doing. She did NOT put the sign BACK OUTSIDE. They took a picture of her friend holding the sign and sent it to me. So yeah, she thinks anyone who is attracted to girls between the ages of 13-17 is a pedophile. She thinks he is attracted to girls in that range. And has done it said things to make it clear. What the actions or words were that made her come to that conclusion, you know all that I know. She is still at her friends house. Sign is in the garbage. It was therapy for her I guess. I’m going to bed now, thanks all.
OP I’m glad you are considering a therapist. It really seems like something happened that is distressing to your daughter and she has trouble expressing it. That is exactly what therapists are for. Tell her you can see that she is upset and that it’s hard to talk about, so you are going to back off on the questions while she works on this in therapy, but tell her that you are always available to listen and that you are very concerned that she would be suffering so without being able to express it, even to the point of working late, alone, with someone she doesn’t trust, and not saying why she is afraid.
If she and her friends really think the man is a pedophile, that’s a lot more serious than just being creepy. (which obviously I don’t think is OK either!) But they are not likely to get a good result by just defacing signs. They will stir up controversy, possibly get in trouble themselves, without being at all likely to get a good resolution.
If any of her friends really think there is something that counts as being a pedophile, they need to notify the police.
If they he is just making comments that could be inappropriate, like “miss U”, that’s a whole different thing! I would still want to make it stop, and I think young people who are old enough to have jobs should be encouraged to deal with comments like this immediately and directly, while also seeing them as red flags that may require additional action, including enlisting help and advice from others, rather than suffering in silence and letting things escalate.
Your daughter (and probably her friend) are legal adults at this point. If you got this text with them holding a sign about this guy being a pedophile, who knows who else they also texted. Calling someone a pedophile is a very serious allegation. He may very well be but that is still unclear given what info you’ve provided
For heaven’s sake tell her to stop stealing government property, even if she did not display the sign. Sober adults know this.
Who is stealing government property?
If the guy was selecting only female 7th grade students for private tutoring, given everything else, it would raise a red flag for me. Younger kids are less likely to make a fuss over unwanted advances.
Yeah. A pedophile is a problem. Much different than creepy. Me thinks there is more to the story. Probably a good idea to bring in the pros.
So far, I’m reading about a defaced business sign (slander or possibly libel since printed), lots of tears, few details about what really happened that summer, the defaced sign spread over social media. There’s no proof anything actually happened, just a lot of teens using the same phrase “creepy”.
I am so not cool with this story. If any adult has knowledge of any infraction against a child it should be reported to the police. End of story. If it’s a non story they will figure it out. The mother had knowledge. It should be reported. Forget the 18 year old child. If her daughter won’t go with her the police will interview her anyway.
In this country, the 18 year old is not a child, so if anyone has an obligation to report, it is the daughter. Pretending adults are not adults doesn’t really work. Moreover, the mother has no information regarding anything improper.
Your daughter and her friends are young women now and legal adults. They need to piss or get off the pot. Calling someone a pedophile is a serious accusation and can be very damaging if untrue. It could also be considered libel. If they have legitimate concerns, it is their responsibility to share it with the police. Either way, they need to knock off the stupid sign stealing and social media type behavior. It’s a serious subject that deserves to be treated seriously.
If your daughter has problems talking about it and dealing with it constructively, I agree with others that a few therapy sessions sound like a good course of action.
If you think he did something to your daughter, I would do my best to make her tell someone whether it be a therapist or someone else. If he is creepy, I would call him and tell him that enough information has been coming to my attention that I am considering taking action and see what he says. Effectively put him on notice. Good luck!
Yes, I understand that an 18 year old is an adult but I doubt very few would be “mature” enough to make a police report. Stealing signs and posting on social media shows immaturity. We are still parents regardless of our child’s age. Now at least two “adults” suspect behavior that is questionable to children. It needs to be reported. Calling him is such the wrong move. Accusing someone is not how to handle it. What would you say if someone accused you of something like this. Let authorities look into it. They know what to do. This is not a TV show.
They can’t make a police report at 18?
But we allow them to drive, fly planes, get married without our permission, vote and shoot guns at people in the military.
If the student was the assailant we wouldn’t refer to them as the “18 year old child” who has been charged.
18 year olds interact with the police daily -sometimes as victims,or as witnesses, or as suspects. This woman is the potential witness, not the mother who knows nothing independently.
Someone who knows what is going one needs to speak up, for the sake of the children that are there now. Is he a pedophile, a predator, creepy or what? If your daughter won’t tell you, and the friend who knows won’t tell you, enlist a therapist. As a parent, I would be ticked off that people who were in a position to protect children did nothing when they had the chance.
We don’t know what is going on in these “private lessons,” but there is a non-negligible chance that it’s something awful. Suppose the worst is true. Suppose you are the parent of one of the 12-year-olds who is pulled out of the group lesson she paid for and subject to a “private lesson.” She doesn’t tell you, because victims usually do not.
You discover that your daughter was molested. You also discover that the OP knew that there was a substantial possibility that something bad was going on, but did nothing. Would you accept that as an excuse? Would you think, “Oh, she wasn’t an eyewitness and her daughter and her daughter’s friends wouldn’t go to the authorities, so she shouldn’t have done anything”? Or would you think she should have voiced her suspicions to the high school authorities or the police, and let them handle the matter?
If the creep is doing nothing but sending creepy messages, then the police can’t act. But maybe the creep is doing more. It would be good to know.
As this is discussed, I can’t help reviewing in my mind the NPR podcast “Believed” about Larry Nasar.
I’m not saying that this guy is necessarily that bad, but I think it is clear that this needs to be looked into by someone who should take it seriously: the police. I also think that the STEM school should be warned.
The OP’s D needs to understand that she and her friends have some responsibility here. Maybe a therapist could help. Maybe she could write it down instead of saying it.
It seems very likely to me that this guy chose this business not because he is a devoted educator, but because it allows him access to a lot of adolescent girls not accompanied by their parents.
I agree. I don’t want the OP’s D to be traumatized any more than she already has been … but I think that she has a moral responsibility to say something to someone who could look into the situation.
@“Cardinal Fang”… Exactly.
Also I never said an 18 year old can’t make a police report. I doubt my kids would but I can guarantee you that once they told me they suspected something then “we” would go make a report together. It can be scary to make a police report as an 18 year old. And yes I put 18 year-old as a child on purpose to make a point. I am fully aware they are legal adults but they are also children becoming and learning how to be an adult
I think that sometimes we as parents need to help teach them how to become responsible adults…
I think parents guiding them through the process is warranted. I’m sure I’d find it very daunting at that age, as many of us would even now. One reason I mentioned being legal adults now is they could get in greater trouble if caught stealing the sign or for spreading accusations against someone if unwarranted.