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<p>You can’t control and protect yourself while being in the same room alone with somebody of the opposite sex?</p>
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<p>What do you mean allowing kids to have sex? It is the kid’s choice if they want to have sex or not, not the parent’s. Are you going to monitor your child 24/7 to make sure they don’t have sex?</p>
<p>red963, you asked about boundaries. Hugging, along with other physical touching (touching the hair, patting someone on the back, etc.), seems to be very acceptable between men and women. Also, flirting seems to be acceptable, as long as it doesn’t lead anywhere (I am not talking about sexual comments or something like that, just flirting). I know there are more example I see, but I can’t think of any right this second. If you are really interested in more, I can think of more. To me, all these things cross a line. What’s worse is that I get hit on by people I don’t even know (or barely know), and I don’t want that either. It feels really uncomfortable when people act like that. I think people are more likely to act like that (be more relaxed about it) when they are alone with someone. I would prefer not to be in that position, but if I have to be, I would not want to encourage it by chatting with the person, when we are supposed to be doing work anyways.</p>
<p>I know that I am going to get a lot of negative responses, but I will say it anyways. I don’t believe men and women can be close friends (I mean true, real friends). If one of you is in a relationship, then I don’t find it acceptable to be that emotionally close to someone of the opposite gender (that’s why I said true friend - someone you are truly close with). You say it’s about trust, but you misunderstand the issue. I am not saying it’s inappropriate because something will happen. I think it’s inappropriate to have that level of emotional involvement regardless of whether or not anything happens.</p>
<p>If you are not in a relationship, I think there is no reason why you can’t be together if you are so close. I know people will come up with a million examples where someone felt like it was their brother or sister, but I don’t buy that.</p>
<p>By the way, I have gotten out of my comfort zone (have had male friends in the past), and the older I get (I am in my mid-twenties) the more I am convinced that I am making the right choice. I will say to each his own, although I truly don’t think it leads to anything good, but, personally, I chose to keep it professional with my male coworkers and not become their friend. By the way, that doesn’t mean I am rude or not nice to them. It just means I am not friends with them. I definitely would not want to work alone with someone unless absolutely necessary.</p>
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<p>You’re saying you wouldn’t want to be alone with somebody who is hitting on you? I understand that. Would it be uncomfortable to be alone with a male who isn’t hitting on you?</p>
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<p>Men and women can definately be close friends even if they’re in relaitonships. I’m not saying that you should be discussing your sex lives, but you can be close friends and talk together about anything.</p>
<p>What can’t you have emotional involvement with somebody of the oppsite sex you are not intimate with?</p>
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<p>I have been friends with a girl since Freshman year. We see each other every now and then and hang out and talk about things. I do think of her as a sister and would do anything for her because she’s such a close and dear friend.</p>
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<p>It seems like you have a poor opinion of men and then that if you are their friend, then that means they want to sleep with you. That is not always the case. You can be friends with males at your work and keep it professional.</p>
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<p>You are fortunate. Sadly, many people with the same trust and belief that the kids shared all of their values and/or would at least be able to “figure out how” to access birth control have become grandparents long before they desired it. I’m absolutely sure I do not want to raise any more children.</p>
<p>I have not put my daughter on BC. But I can’t say I wouldn’t at least make access to it very easy at some point in the future. My older daughter was like yours. I don’t think I can automatically count on the same behavior from the other daughter,(who seems far more interested in boys and who is receiving far more attention from them than her sister did) just because I raised them both the same way. I really don’t know for a fact how I will handle this as time goes on.</p>
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<p>I wouldn’t give you a negative response at all. I will say, though, that this is something on which you can only speak for yourself. You cannot extrapolate this to all men and women.</p>
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<p>If I was a betting woman, I’d put money on the fact that you have nothing to worry about on that account.</p>
<p>-Not that there’s anything wrong with that.</p>
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<p>Because then nothing could happen, and no one could think anything of it.</p>
<p>It’s very simple – there is literally no necessity for two people of opposite sex to be in a very private area alone together. Therefore, it is a choice. To avoid Scandal (in the religious context), avoid any totally unnecessary possibility of anything happening or anyone thinking that anything happened.</p>
<p>red963, I think our disagreement is in what we think is OK, more than anything else. To me, if you have a spouse or serious boyfriend/girlfriend (and I don’t think you should be in a relationship unless you take it bery seriously), they should be the only person of the opposite gender that you are emotionally envolved with. I think getting emotionally involved with other people is a dangerous line to walk (again, I don’t mean just sexually, although it’s a possiblity, but I think you can emotionally cheat on someone). Relationships and marriages go through problems, sometimes really bad problems, and if you have this friend that you then turn to, it can become a betrayal, and that doesn’t just apply to talking about sex.</p>
<p>Let me put it this way, why is the OP concerned that her daughter is taking her shirt off? It’s because it’s a slippery slope and a hard line to walk. I think it’s the same emotionally, I would rather not try to walk the line between being someone’s really good friend and becoming too emotionally involved with them. Everyone agrees that if you don’t plan on sleeping with someone, you shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed. Why is that any different emotionally? Yes, you can still resist, even sleeping in the same bed, but it’s a bad idea. Yes, you could probably be someone’s friend without becoming too involved, but it’s a risk and a bad idea.</p>
<p>If I choose to marry someone, that relationship will be 1000 times more important (actually, a lot more) to me than having a male (specifically) friend. Why would I do that? I really don’t care about male friends. I truly don’t.</p>
<p>It’s not just men that do that either. I would give the same advice to men. Women do it too. It’s not because I think the guy will want to sleep with me or hit on me (although that CAN happen). It’s because I don’t want to become friends with him or go out to lunch or dinner, and I think it can be really awkard to be in that situation with a coworker. People almost expect that if you work together you should be friends (especially where it’s just the two of you working on a project - comiserating, etc.). Let me put it this way, I want to keep my distance. Working together does not help that at all.</p>
<p>As for your female friend, maybe you are not that close, or maybe she likes you, or maybe you may like her in the future. Maybe you are really close and will never like each other, but that’s the exception.</p>
<p>I know I was fortunate. However, in my case, I really think the biggest break I got was that my D didn’t fall seriously in love until she was much older. I freely admit that when a young girl thinks she’s “in love” things are more likely to get out of control. My D just never felt that way in high school. So, it really wasn’t that much of a temptation.</p>
<p>By the way, Baelor has a good point about rumors. Those can get started REALLY easily, and if you are a person that doesn’t believe in premarital sex, etc., it can be really hurtful when people think that that’s what you are doing when you are alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Whether or not you should care, I guess you probably shouldn’t, but it’s really unpleasant when people think that’s what’s happening.</p>
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<p>I would hate to have to work with you on a project. What’s so awkward about going to lunch with your male coworker? </p>
<p>A lot of my friends I made in college came from working with them in groups. I would think you are weird if you kept your distance from me while working on a project the whole semester.</p>
<p>You keep saying can happen. It seems like you have an issue with men.</p>
<p>I think the whole "put on birth control"is demeaning and condescending.
You don’t “put” a girl on BCPs, you discuss it with her, and advise her.</p>
<p>In OP’s case she was on BCPs for some other reason, so it is irrelevant.</p>
<p>When parents ask a 16 yo about their romantic activities, they ask to be lied to, especially if the kid knows of parental disapproval. And even if they are not afraid of your disapproval, they probably find it embarrassing to talk about.
What would you (the married and mature parent) tell your mother if she asked what do you do with your husband? Would you reveal all the gory details?</p>
<p>red963, you made me laugh a little when you said you would think I was weird. A lot of people probably would, because I know it’s the norm, but I find that being true to what I believe is more important to me than what people would think. I am really not into conformity for the same of conformity (just because that’s what other people do, that’s what I should accept as the norm).</p>
<p>And no, I wouldn’t go to lunch with you (unless it was in a group, of course) unless I was single and was interested in you (or at least potentially interested).</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you keep saying that I have a bad opinion of men when all I am saying is that one or both people that are friends can start liking each other. It’s not horrible to like someone, is it? It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means that if you have a strong emotional connection with someone, you may end up liking them. Is it really so far fetched? You can be a man OR a woman! If I were a man, I would say the same thing about going to lunch with a woman - I just happen to be a woman, which is why I give the example with men.</p>
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<p>So if you weren’t romantically interested in me, you wouldn’t want to hang out and be friends with me?</p>
<p>acollegestudent…you are bright! Good for you and Baylor that know what you really want in life and stick to your principles without insulting others.</p>
<p>I was worry in reading so many threads where people underestimate abnormal situations: i.e. Such as a young 16 girl taking a shirt off and making out with her boyfriend for a long time.</p>
<p>Excuses of other posters , to cite just a couple, such:
“The girl is on BCPs, so she is not getting pregnant.”
“I come from the position that it is normal and OK for young women to be sexually active.”
“She took off her shirt. As far as the parent knows, that’s all that happened.”
“It is the kid’s choice if they want to have sex or not, not the parent’s.”
“ Are you going to monitor your child 24/7 to make sure they don’t have sex?”
“"The daughter never lied about anything because the mother never confronted the daughter about taking her shirt off.””
“She is also not doing anything grossly inappropriate.”</p>
<p>Such as a young 16 girl taking a shirt off and making out with her boyfriend for a long time= Amazing - what’s happening to the morale of people and our society!!! I guess that people are desensitize with bad behavior!</p>
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<p>Who said those were excuses? The only thing you can do is teach your kids and let them make decisions for themselves. You can’t monitor your kid 24/7.</p>
<p>Edit – my own misreading!</p>
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<p>I wasn’t referring to your post.</p>
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<p>Read acollegestudent’s post. She said she would feel awkward if she went to luch with her male coworker.</p>
<p>Yes red, those are terrible justifications for the inappropriate girl’s behavior.</p>
<p>Yes, if you teach your kids since they are really young, teach those values, let them know what is expected from them, and provide liberties and benefits according with their ages these problems would not happen. </p>
<p>And if they make wrong decisions at 15 or 16 then benefits and liberties need to be restricted…meaning they are not mature enough to deserve certain liberties.</p>