<p>red963, if I were involved with someone else, I definitely wouldn’t. If I weren’t, I am not entirely sure. If you kept asking me to do things one-on-one with you, I would probably wonder if you were interested in me and wouldn’t want to lead you on. I would not be a close (true? best?) friend, and I wouldn’t tell you everything, etc. Does that make sense? And I would find it a little strange if you wanted to hang out just with me and didn’t invite anyone else.</p>
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<p>You should watch “He’s Just Not Into You”.</p>
<p>Why would you think it would be weird if I wanted to hang out with you by yourself?</p>
<p>Some parents in here are remind me of Shar’ia law.</p>
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<p>What’s inappropriate to one person is not inappropriate to the next person. Most people would say that a 16 year old girl making out with her shirt off is not inappropriate.</p>
<p>Their liberties need to be restricted? Are you going to lock them in their room all day and monitor their each and every move?</p>
<p>Red…extremes, extremes are not good! Are you the op’s daughter?</p>
<p>multicultural: LOL! Nobody here believes in so horrible extremes beliefs “e.g. amputation, stoning, lashing, and beheading?.” Uhh</p>
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<p>You are saying it was extreme that the 16 year old daughter took off her shirt and made out with her boyfriend in the car?</p>
<p>I can understand if the daughter was saying she had hot sex in the car, but there is nothing wrong with making out with somebody.</p>
<p>Honestly, the best thing you can do is be supportive of your daughter and her decisions regarding her sexuality. I grew up in a very open household where my mother often talked to me about sex and told me that sex was not a bad thing but it should be reserved for people who are in love. Granted, your daughter is 16 but that is a normal age to become sexually active. The best thing you can do is sit down with her and talk to her about the consequences of having sex in a non-threatening or judgemental manner. Ignoring the issue of sex is the WORST possible decision. You need to talk with her and ask her if she does need to go on birth control. Do not try to force your beliefs regarding sex on your daughter, its something she needs to decide for herself. If you judge her decision on this matter she is less likely to come talk to you and more likely to get pregnant.</p>
<p>What don’t you understand red? How old are you? You are asking what is extreme…</p>
<p>Extreme is your question and suggestion: “Are you going to lock them in their room all day and monitor their each and every move?”</p>
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<p>So what would you do to make sure your child doesn’t have sex?</p>
<p>greenery, I find your moralistic comments offensive. Calling sexual behavior “abnormal” is ridiculous. I put my own opinions out here as what they are: my opinions. I know that there is a wide range of attitudes out there about young unmarried people and sex. So be it. </p>
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<p>I am glad that my D would be impervious to people like you.</p>
<p>I actually agree that it is difficult for men and women to share an intimate emotional bond without it becoming romantic. It’s easier as you get older, probably because of self awareness. I don’t think it means that men and women cannot be friends. It’s just sort of a less extreme version of Baelor: you have to be aware of the limits and play within them. Also, this is shallow, but it helps if you don’t find the other person all that physically attractive!</p>
<p>red963, I have seen that movie. And I didn’t say that I would think that you are definitely interested in me. I would WONDER. Generally, that’s how the guys that I have know have expressed interest in someone before asking them out - asking them to lunch and dinner, movies, and hanging out one-on-one. Whenever I have had friends that were guys, we would generally hang out with other people as well, not just the two of us. That has been my experience. And I would rather make sure that the guy in no way thinks I am interseted than run the risk of leading him on.</p>
<p>And as a matter of personal preference, the only guy I am having meals with one-on-one is my boyfriend or husband. But I realize that’s just something that is specific to me.</p>
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<p>Green, are you the “Church Lady” from Saturday Night Live? Time to do your “Superior Dance?”</p>
<p>Just exactly who made you God and the one who gets to decide what is “good,” “bad,” “normal,” “moral” ( I assume you meant “moral,” not “morale”), “appropriate,” etc.?</p>
<p>We all have principles, morals, values, etc., and they are NOT all going to be the same. I actually would probably agree with you on certain things regarding the dangers of teenage foreplay and sex, however, I don’t come to my conclusions based on whether or not they are “bad” or “inappropriate,” or “moral,” but more to do with how I hate to see young people suffer lifelong consequences as a result of impetuous actions. But your tone is judgmental, condescending, and REALLY presumptuous. Each of has our own ideas of what is “good” or “bad” behavior, and this forum is here to provide support and advice, with room for disagreement, but NOT condemnation for parenting decisions that are different than our own. We are all struggling with wanting to do the right thing for our children; it’s confusing, scary, and so hard to know how to handle these very important issues. We are all here because we love our kids and sometimes need to hear a kind word of understanding about the difficulties in raising imperfect human beings given that we are imperfect ourselves.</p>
<p>Even Baelor, as narrow and rigid as he appears to be, has simply defended his own beliefs/actions, not condemned as immoral the beliefs of others. Or maybe I missed it…but still…</p>
<p>Live and let live, give advice which is helpful and nonjudgmental, even if differs from the norm, but then get off your high horse.</p>
<p>mousegray, I kind of wonder if it does get easier with age. I would think that since marriage can have really tough periods (I have never been married, so this is just my impression), it may leave people (both men and women) more vulnerable to developing strong emotional connections with other people who seem to understand them at a time when the spouse supposedly doesn’t (even if it’s just in their heads).</p>
<p>Yeah, that’s what I mean with boundaries. I would rather not have to walk that line and have to watch myself. I really don’t feel like I am missing out by not having guy friends.</p>
<p>Again, this is just true for me personally, so I won’t generalize, but I don’t need to be physically attracted to the person to like them or want to be with them. If I like their personality, that’s everything to me, and they truly become the most attractive person in the world to me. I realize that’s probably not true for everyone.</p>
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<p>Less than 100 years ago, a 15 or 16 year old would be married, therefore sex would be normal. Really, it’s just the last 3-4 generations that weren’t popping out kids before 18.</p>
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<p>Wow. Just wow. You have trust issues. I am engaged and have been loyal and faithful to my boy throughout our entire relationship. My best friend is a guy. He and I are very emotionally close, the same way I would be to a girl. When I’m upset about my boy, I go to him. When I need to talk, I go to him if I don’t go to my fiance. And since I am bi (therefore can have relationships with both genders) would it be inappropriate for me to be emotionally close to someone of the same gender since I am just as likely to do stuff with a woman than a man (actually, more likely with a woman than man but w/e)?</p>
<p>Every single person believes that certain values are universal. I have never met someone who respected every tradition in every culture. Everyone believes that something is wrong no matter what, even you Nrdsb4. You are the one who is being condescending. There are things that even you would consider inappropriate. How do you know that it’s not you who is wrong in your views and not Green?</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes, let me just say, that although I disagree with a lot of your views, I have a lot of respect for you (having read a lot of your posts in the past on this board), and I am really happy for you and your fiance. I have no doubt you have been faithful to him.</p>
<p>Once again, I will repeat what I said before, it’s not about “doing something”. It’s about the emotional connection. There are such things as emotional affairs. Personally, I don’t believe about talking to anyone about your problems as a couple without your partner’s OK. It’s personal, and I think you betray the trust by talking to other people without discussing it with your partner first.</p>
<p>It’s not about not trusting that they won’t sleep with someone. The emotional connetion itself is the betrayal (beyond a certain point). If it’s OK with both of you, it is what it is. I think it’s a dangerous line to walk. It is not a relationship I would want. Some people have open relationships, and it’s OK for them. To me, having a strong emotional connection with someone is kind of like having an open relationships. Being emotionally connected to someone is a lot more significat (in my opinion) than being physically involved with someone.</p>
<p>@acollegestudent: If the strong emotional connection was formed first and can’t be broken even as both of us move forward with our lives with new boyfriends and girlfriends, would keeping the connection still be betrayal to the boyfriend/girlfriend?</p>
<p>@roman: you are inspirational!</p>
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<p>What is wrong with an emotional connection? People have intense emotional connections all the time- it’s called being very close friends. There is a HUGE difference between being emotionally close and being romantically involved. We are not even close to being in an open relationship, but being emotionally close to someone else =/= cheating or being open or anything like that. </p>
<p>And discussing problems with a friend isn’t a betrayal unless it’s something you know your SO wouldn’t want ever coming out. Even still, you sometimes need an outside opinion or someone to discuss your problems with. It’s called being human. I think people would go mad if they were never allowed to discuss their relationship problems with a close friend. </p>
<p>It’s the same as the OP coming on here to ask what she should do about her daughter. Obviously, she can’t ask her daughter what she should do, so she comes on here. Does the OP have an open relationship with her daughter? Does everyone on here who talks about a problem their having with their SO have an open relationship? </p>
<p>@dfa- not sure how, but thank you lol.</p>
<p>In my opinion, yes. Let me ask you this, if you were sleeping with someone before you met your spouse and didn’t stop, would it still be a betrayal? Just because it’s harder to define when the line has been crossed with emotional involvement doesn’t make it any different (just harder to define). It’s doesn’t make a difference when you met that person. All that matters is how involved you are with them.</p>