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<p>In college, do you consider it inappropriate to have close female friends when you have a girlfriend? I have friends (including those of the opposite sex) that I sometimes talk to when I have relationship issues. I don’t think it’s unhealthy.</p>
<p>Bear in mind, said close female friend was almost our matchmaker. LOL</p>
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<p>I don’t think it is ever inappropriate to ever have close friends of the oppsite sex if you are dating or married.</p>
<p>@multi. </p>
<p>I am in college. I have a fiance (was boyfriend before). I have many close male friends.
He is also in college. He has close female friends.</p>
<p>Not inappropriate in the least.</p>
<p>Mousegray said: “I find your moralistic comments offensive. Calling sexual behavior “abnormal” is ridiculous. I put my own opinions out here as what they are: my opinions. I know that there is a wide range of attitudes out there about young unmarried people and sex. So be it.”</p>
<p>Mousegray, I could say the same about you…, but I agree to disagree so I will not want to offend you. However, you need to learn how to read a message and to not distort the meaning of other Op’s messages; I reaffirm what was said previously, YES & Yes–absolutely it is abnormal for a 16 girls taking a shirt off and making out with her boyfriend for a long time.
Why do you think the mother created this thread? Even she is worry about Daughter’s behavior. The mother’s concerns show she is a mother that loves her daughter and it is worry about the inappropriate behavior of “D”; it shows concern, good character, and great moral.</p>
<p>Mousegray said: “I am glad that my D would be impervious to people like you.” –People like you? The way you raise your daughter is your own private manner. Hope she has good principles or develop them with her own experiences. You are welcome to post your concerns if any about her, I’m sure all of the other posters will help you too…here we agree to disagree and if it is difficult for you and too offensive then move to other site if you please. On the other hand if you want to read, participate and disagree you are welcome to stay and participate.</p>
<p>roman said: “Less than 100 years ago, a 15 or 16 year old would be married, therefore sex would be normal.”</p>
<p>You are right, however in my generation and in this country a 15 or 16 should not be “playing with fire”.</p>
<p>One of the biggest problems is:</p>
<p>"•Almost 1 million teenage women of those who have had intercourse, become pregnant each year </p>
<p>•80 million women have unwanted or unintended pregnancies every year (Glasier et al, 2006)."</p>
<p>So I’m glad the mother posted this thread…because it is matter of concern for parents with teenagers.
The behaviour of the daughter, 16 year old, (her conduct] could escalete, if she is not counsel or given the proper advise. And if her conduct escalate she could be part of those statistics…</p>
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<p>What is abnormal about a 16 year old girl taking off her shirt and making out? Over 50% of high schoolers have already lost their virginity. What is abnormal for two high school kids to not have sex and just make out?</p>
<p>@Greenery: Though I agree with you for the most part, I just wanted to point something out about the statistics you posted.
If the parents and schools did a better job at educating teens about the consequences of sex and the different contraceptives–unplanned and unwanted pregnancies will likely decrease.
Before I ever have sex, I want to see an official medical exam result stating that my partner does not have and STIs/STDs, or else forget it.</p>
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<p>I have to disagree with that. Didn’t drug use increase or stay the same with all the education in schools and public service announcements on TV?</p>
<p>@red963: I guess I should modify my comment to add “effective and comprehensive education” The drug prevention program has made some difference in certain communities though obviously not all. Also what is at stake with drug use is somewhat different than sex, and people’s reasons to use drugs is different from why people choose to have sex. A comprehensive sex ed teaching about contraceptives will teach kids and give them a chance to protect themselves against the unwanted consequences of sexual intercourse. A lot of unwanted pregnancies and spread of STDs are due to misinformation (myths) among teens about the true facts of sex. I believe teens given all the correct factual information will make more safer, informed decisions reduction the spread of disease and the rate of unwanted pregnancies.</p>
<p>*YES & Yes–absolutely it is abnormal for a 16 girls taking a shirt off and making out with her boyfriend for a long time. *</p>
<p>Females generally reach sexual maturity @ 14 years old- two years younger than the young woman in question.</p>
<p>Our bodies are designed to function so that two years after reaching sexual maturity our bodies are doing everything it can think of to mate so that we have little RNA replicas all over the place.</p>
<p>What exactly is abnormal about a young couple necking for a long enough time that a young woman takes off her shirt?</p>
<p>I suppose she should have done it as soon as she saw her boyfriend?</p>
<p>About having close friendships with people of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay or bi)-- there is an easy test for whether you’ve crossed the line: has there ever been a time that you kept the relationship, or even a conversation, a secret from your siginificant other? Then you’re treading on dangerous ground. It’s about emotional betrayal, not about emotional closeness.</p>
<p>Btw, I’m not saying it’s not possible to have all kinds of close friendships outside of a marriage. I certainly do. I agree with oldfort – it’s too much pressure on a marriage to expect one person to fulfill all your needs. But I do have the most fun with my H – that’s why I married him!</p>
<p>@Baelor – interesting theoretical issue about not being alone with someone of the opposite sex, but how does it work out in real life? Two questions – first, doesn’t it ever happen at your college that all the dorm/study lounges and libraries are absolutely packed and the only place to study is in someone’s room? I also went to a huge university with tons of common study spaces all over campus, but at final exam time, it was hard to find a common space since every student on campus had multiple study groups, group projects etc. What would you do then? Would you be that person who would insist on sitting on the floor of an academic building and working on the project there, so as not to have to go to her dorm room?</p>
<p>Also, how do you think it will work out in the work place? I work in a huge city where my office is open 24-7 and no matter which colleague you’re working with, you’re never in the office alone. But I’m assigned to handle just as many cases out of places like Toledo, Orlando etc. where the business day ends at 6 pm. Clients will leave us with access to their office space and go home, which means a long night of working in an empty building with just my team – which could be just one other person of the opposite sex. How would you handle it? Would you say something to your boss to avoid such trips? Some of my best friendships at work – with both men and women – have come from those trips where you are stuck together working a late night in a different city because you end up talking about your families/home/interests/ranting about work/whatever and you end up getting to know someone much better. Would you forego those types of relationships, which are important in the corporate world to stick to your principles? Just curious.</p>
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<p>Perhaps. Or maybe the drugs increased and therefore the education and service announcements on TV were needed.</p>
<p>Every time there is a surge in abstinence only sex education, there is a rise in teen pregnancy. States with abstinence only education have higher teen birth rates. All it teaches students is that sex is bad and they should feel guilty for having it. Plus, it doesn’t give resources to the students who WILL have sex. It is quite natural for us to have sex at 16, 17, 18.</p>
<p>EDIT: Other problems with abstinence-only-until-marriage education is that 1- we do not all have access to marriage here in America and 2- lots of young people are choosing to forgo marriage for whatever reasons.</p>
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Well if this is truly the majority, then I am most definitely the minority. We raise our kids to be kids a lot longer than we used to, except in this area apparently. Our kids have a hard enough time picking a major, I am sorry they feel the need to make decisions this life altering so young.</p>
<p>OP, it sounds like you have had a ongoing dialogue with your daughter. I would just continue that. Let her know that you overheard her conversation and tell her your concerns. Let her know how much you love her and how much you want to be there to help her in any way you can. Sex can be embarrassing to speak about, but you are there for her unconditionally. Tell her you want her to benefit from your experience and you want her to have as full a life as possible, better than your own, if possible.</p>
<p>While there are physical consequences to her behavior, and I think you should remind her of those - there are diseases that do not have cures and can have long term consequences even if she doesn’t go “all the way”, not all of them preventable no matter what - short of abstinence, that is. I would also lay out the emotional consequences of her behavior. How would she feel if they broke up? How would she feel if he told others what they did/do? How would she handle him assuming that since it happened once he can now count on it? At a certain point she might get her heartbroken badly. Ask her how she would handle that. If that happens enough, she will have a harder time trusting another bf. Give her real life examples - I’m sure you know people with stories that could benefit your daughter.</p>
<p>I guess first and foremost you assure her that you are in her corner for the long term. You want to help her see, not just next week or next year, but years from now and live with as few regrets as possible.</p>
<p>God Bless - it’s a tough job being a parent, we can all use support.</p>
<p>^^^^^</p>
<p>Good, good post.</p>
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<p>That is absolutely untrue. What about mutual masturbation?</p>
<p>I agree that it’s important to talk about the risks out there–STDs, pregnancy, and so on. But you ONLY do the fear-mongering part (“If you have any kind of sex, even with a condom, you will get HORRIBLE DISEASES!!”) then you may find the kid has sex anyway . . . WITHOUT a condom because “they don’t do any good.” </p>
<p>Result: a higher risk of pregnancy and diseases and high risk behavior (“we can have anal sex without a condom because no babies!”) than if the kid had accurate information, which would include “Although condoms don’t make sex 100% safe, they do make it safer” and “here is information on how to put a condom on correctly” (a lot of “condom failure” is a result of putting it on incorrectly) and “this is what you shouldn’t use with a condom” (oil based lubes that weakens latex).</p>
<p>Studies have shown that kids who get abstinence only education are still likely to have sex, but are much less likely to use condoms.</p>
<p>I didn’t say it was * advisable*
to make out to the point of semi nudity with another teen,
I didn’t say I would be *pleased *
to see hormones run amuck- and I never said that my girls had done anything similar to my knowledge before they reached 18.</p>
<p>But I am still waiting for someone to explain what makes it " abnormal"</p>
<p>^^^Ha, emerald, I wouldn’t hang around waiting for an explanation. Do you really want to hear how someone gets to “abnormal” from that scenario? </p>
<p>If it were abnormal, humans would have gone the way of the woolly mammoth long ago.</p>
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<p>No. That is literally an impossibility. There is absolutely no way that could ever happen. If that were, theoretically, to occur, we could work in one of the common rooms of the dorm rooms. If I had a single, there is no way we would study in my room. </p>
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<p>I’m sorry, I’m not going to respond to your false dichotomy. Rephrase this completely and I’ll consider answering an actual question.</p>
<p>Baelor, your last statement was rude IMHO.</p>
<p>You had stated you would never be placed alone with the opposite sex. They were just asking how you would handle the situation in the workplace. You know and the entire board knows there was no false dichotomy, and there was an actual question within that quoted post. You prefer not to answer it and that is why you gave a bs response.</p>
<p>So, why don’t you lower your intellect standards according to you, not us, and answer the question.</p>
<p>Would you remove yourself in the workplace scenario if it meant you were to work late with a colleague of the opposite sex and no oversight. </p>
<p>I am intrigued with what your answer will be, because if you say yes, to me it means you don’t trust yourself in these situations. If you say yes, I will also feel for you, because you are not giving yourself to create a great friendship. If you say No, than what is the biggie about working in dorm rooms?</p>