<p>And clearly the child did not share the conviction that the parents did. I’m not talking about his family, because the religious argument only applies if the kid is religious as well. It doesn’t sound like he is to the same degree. </p>
<p>I am a child. My friends are all children. They all are virgins by choice. Again, just because you are unaware of massive groups of similarly-minded people doesn’t mean they don’t exist.</p>
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<p>I won’t buy into your strawman. Again, I could make the same argument about your child as a murderer. The question is completely vacuous.</p>
<p>Sorry, I am not taking the time to read all of the comments. I’m only giving you advice from my perspective (as I was 16 a short time ago). </p>
<p>My now-fiance and I started dating when I was 15. He was my first serious boyfriend and the first person I ever went beyond a quick peck on the lips with. My mom realized right away that we were getting really serious really fast so she took me to planned parenthood after about a month of dating and said “You are smart enough to know when you’re ready, but I’m putting you on the pill just in case. I don’t need to be a grandma yet.”</p>
<p>After my mom said that, I took some time to explore myself and decide when I was ready. While we had done everything but that, I decided to wait until I was nearly 17 (almost two years of dating) to go all the way. However, I can say nearly-definitively that if my mom had not trusted me enough to put me on the pill no-questions-asked, that I would have had sex right away just because I wanted to do it. Instead, the Planned Parenthood people took the time to explain to me the physical and emotional side effects of sex and gave me the power to make my own decision, whatever that was. My decision was to wait, but it was MY decision.</p>
<p>I would like to put in a small piece of input too after skimming this thread. I started dating my first boyfriend when I was 16. Shirts were coming off after a couple months in my case too. But we made a mutual decision to not have sex until I was 18. Some of it was the law (18 is the age of consent in my stage), and some of it was that I was just not ready to go all the way. And I made this decision despite the fact that my parents weren’t open to me about sex at all. Your daughter is in a much, much better position than I was to make a good choice about this. Your concerns about your daughter are legitimate, but a shirt coming off is not always equal to sex before college.</p>
<p>I am betting your Mom and I would get along fabulously because I feel the exact same way. As I have stated earlier, my children come first and I do not believe that being ignorant is being a good parent. It is in my opinion that to protect them you do everything you can, and it may be not what you want for them, but it is what you need to do for them.</p>
<p>I agree by being up front and not critical, the child will think twice about taking this leap. By ignoring it the child is less likely to comprehend the true consequences that pre-marital sex has at a young age.</p>
<p>I have had conversations with my DD and they were open and honest. The one thing I did stress to her was sex is emotional too, and it creates a certain bond. I have said how will you feel if you date him for 6 mos or a yr and you have sex. 3 mos later you break up, won’t it be harder getting over him because he was your first than it would be if you never slept with him at all.</p>
<p>I did not do it is a special gift to give conversation. I did not make it into flowers and music, I acknowledged that it is passion and the heat of the moment. I was Mom, but at the same time I was Mom who got it. </p>
<p>IMVHO sex conversations should also come from a side that they actually connect with. Pregnancy or STD can always be not me and that will not motivate them to not do it. When you start bringing it down to levels of you are sleeping with everyone of their previous partners, or breaking up and it takes on a whole new light of thinking.</p>
<p>You can play ostrich, but the stats are out there, 50% of hs students are sexually active. In other words if you have 2 kids, chances are 1 of them is sexually active.</p>
<p>I can also say because of that honesty my kids are very open with me. How do you think I know when my nieces lost their virginity, but yet their parents still believe they are virgins. My nieces even know I know and call me just to talk, because it is more comfortable, there is no hiding the facts. I will caveat and say I always stress and tell them that their Moms would be able to handle the truth…they maybe upset at first, but they will still love you like they did 5 minutes before you told them. I have never told their parents because it is not my place, it is their secret to share.</p>
<p>baelor. i didn’t realize you are the 16 year old. sounds like you’re taking care of yourself in a very healthy way. </p>
<p>my point about evolution and biology is that it always wins. and no matter who you are or how strong your convictions are, a mistake can happen. and often does. and here’s the thing about life, it’s all good until the mistake and then your world changes forever. live a few more years and you’ll know what i’m talking about.</p>
<p>It’s obvious that sexual activity among young people is a heated topic, but for the life of me, I cannot understand why some people find it impossible to believe that in some cultures it is so frowned upon as to be as unlikely as murder. Why is Baelor getting so much flack for his/her lifestyle and belief system??? </p>
<p>It can’t be easy to be a teen who values chastity (for whatever reason) in a day and age when almost everyone assumes you will be sexually active, and that you must be lying or naive if you claim otherwise.</p>
<p>I’m just having a hard time with the direction of this thread. We’re supposed to tolerate 16-year-old’s having sex, but we’re NOT supposed to tolerate people who say they value virginity before marriage??? UH???</p>
<p>i think it’s great. values and convictions are what rise us up above animals:)</p>
<p>i’m just pointing out it’s not full-proof. it never has been. the human mind does not win over the biological imperative to reproduce.</p>
<p>so to think you can’t make a mistake because of your religion or conviction is naive. to think you’re the one person on the planet that can’t make a mistake is foolish. and the irony is that religion helps people because we all do make mistakes. </p>
<p>when the right bee knocks on the door your convictions fly out the window:)</p>
<p>For those who do not want to do the sex talk— I tell my daughter it is not just for her, it is also for her friends – if she is informed abt stds, biology, etc etc, when she hears myths and nonsense among her friends she can correct the fairy tales.</p>
<p>Also, regarding the pill–they do increase the chance of developing certain cancers down the road, not to mention blood clots in some users etc. I believe patients should be very well informed of such things so they can make informed choices, & I do not get the impression that young women are being fully informed when these scrips are written.</p>
<p>Bullet&Pima, I am with you on the emotional connection aspect of sex. That is what it was designed for, in humans, as a glue to keep two parents together to raise the babies – which in our species take so many years to mature. The girl is the loser when the breakup comes.</p>
<p>pacheight, I think Baelor is a parent, I don’t think they are a child.</p>
<p>axw, I value virginity before marriage. I think all of us would prefer our children to wait. I don’t believe any of us are putting our foot on their butt and say DO IT!</p>
<p>We are all saying, or at least me, that if the warning signs are there it is important to address them and not believe that ignorance will make the situation go away.</p>
<p>Baelor is saying that in their family it will never happen. To many of us we feel that this opinion is very rare. I know DS is not a virgin, I also know that he was 18 when he lost it, and that relationship lasted 18 mos. I know DD is a virgin, and she is 18, but she will be going to college come Aug and I won’t be going with her. It is important that they have ALL the facts, not just the morale or religious facts. I don’t want our DD calling me up in tears next Nov., saying “Mom, I am pregnant”, because I wasn’t open and honest with her.</p>
<p>I remember arriving at college, my very BFF was raised in a family that sex or alcohol conversations were considered taboo. She got there and went wild. I actually had to walk away from her for awhile because of her behavior. When we finally reconnected, who did she blame for her actions? Her parents. She felt that for the 1st time she could breathe and went over board with her actions as rebellion. Folks don’t know, won’t hurt them. Why did we reconnect? Because her actions gave her an STD, and she had nobody to go to, but me. To this day 20+ yrs later her parents still do not know.</p>
<p>That is my motivation to be open and honest with my kids, because it would kill me that they would be too afraid to come to me in their biggest hour of need.</p>
<p>bulletandpima, I appreciate your thinking that I am a parent. I am, however, currently a university student. I am speaking from my own viewpoint, which coincides absolutely exactly with that of the rest of my family members. On moral issues, we all think alike, and I know my parents well enough to know how they would approach the issue – which is how I’ve been presenting my posts. Given that I am clearly an example of this situation, I also just want to make the point that it is possible not trust the child completely in these issues.</p>
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<p>Condescension aside, I understand what you’re saying. So next time someone I know goes on a murder spree, I’ll remember to tell them that “this one mistake will change your life forever.” Fair enough?</p>
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<p>Two points:</p>
<p>1) We all make mistakes. Certain mistakes are unlikely. Again, let’s take murder. Do you account for the possibility that you will stab someone repeatedly tomorrow? Probably not. Why? Because it is so very unlikely. Now apply that identical framework to premarital sex, or sexuality in general. It’s a matter of recognizing that there are people who are so convinced that premarital sex is wrong that the sexual urge is simply not even an issue (or one that successfully fight off), much like a person who is able to suppress the desire to hurt someone spontaneously in anger – a situation I think many of us face, although that may be something specific to me as well.</p>
<p>The point is that you are still operating in a framework in which I am not. The “biological need to reproduce” is clearly there. It’s just not something I would ever consider acting out on. I make a conscious effort to avoid situations in which it would be an issue, and even if that is not possible, it still is controlled as necessary.</p>
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<p>Yes. You can burn someone alive and God forgives you. That doesn’t mean that you should (and relying on God’s mercy is in itself a sin). We are all sinners, that doesn’t mean that we should not try to be the best possible.</p>
<p>I’m going to second the beach front property in Arizona proposal. </p>
<p>Look, Baelor, YOU may think that no one in your family could EVER do that- but that doesn’t mean that they won’t. Who knows? I know plenty of people who are very devoutly Christian and swore they would never lose their virginity before marriage. It was ingrained in them since childhood. The majority of them still are virgins, but not all. </p>
<p>You NEED to trust your kids to make the right decision because you can’t always be there watching over their shoulder. Get them educated, give them resources, and then hope that you’ve done a good enough job raising them that they will make the right decision, whatever it is, when the time comes. But remember- your views and their views may not match up. That is inevitable.</p>
<p>Baelor, I admire your stance for yourself. And apparently the way that your parents raised you works for you. I do not presume to tell you what is or is not happening in your family. And certainly you are free to raise your future students as you determine is correct.</p>
<p>But the OP isn’t in your family, nor am I. We are talking here about a 16 year old who may (or may not have) taken her shirt off while kissing her boyfriend. (Remember, too, that kids do exaggerate what’s going on in their lives when they talk to their friends. I remember when my d came to me and said, “Everyone in my class is doing [add whatever activity you want]” I asked, “How do you know?” “They said so.” “Well, you can say so, too. Doesn’t make it true.”) The OP believes that sex is a definite possibility for this child. The question is, therefore, what does the OP do now?</p>
<p>Remember, too, everyone quoting the “50% of high school seniors are no longer virgins” means that 50% of high school seniors are virgins. The OP’s daughter may in fact graduate high school in the latter category. But should the OP count on it? Shall we recall that Sarah Palin counted on it and is now a grandmother?</p>
<p>sex is a basic human instinct. a biological imperative to further the race.</p>
<p>murder is abnormal behavior and not at all in the same category as human sexuality. ALL humans want to have sex. Very few humans want to murder.</p>