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<p>Believe me, I am. And believe me, I have. 
But those stories are for another thread.</p>
<p>When it comes to sex, religion or politic, no matter how you preach until you turn blue, you would never be able to change anyoneâs mind. That is why I do not go to the political forum. I have âpreachedâ to my girls while they would still listen to me. At some point itâs up to them to form their own principles. My only concern is of their health and safety. With that said, I canât help but wonder if 16 was too early emotionally to have sex. I remember at that age I was very involved with someone, but waited until was 18. Even at 18, when the relationship went south it was very hard for me to handle.</p>
<p>Taking off oneâs shirt isnât a specific sexual act, so she may well have thought she was being honest when she said she and her boyfriend were just kissing.</p>
<p>And⊠really? Your daughter being minus a shirt during a makeout session may disturb you, but it isnât actually any specific sexual act that would cause any problems. If sheâs sixteen, youâve either instilled your values about sex in her, or you havenât; itâs a little late now. But either way, it doesnât sound to me like sheâs doing anything that crazy. </p>
<p>Are you disappointed because of what you percieve as the lie, or because of moral issues? If itâs because of the lie, again, she may not think sheâs lying. If itâs for moral issues, I think sheâs at an age where you donât have much business in her moral choices unless they have concrete consequences. Taking off oneâs shirt, as much as it may upset you to think of it, doesnât have concrete consequences.</p>
<p>Baelor, you are either the best â â â â â Iâve ever seen on these forums or well on your way to becoming Andy Stitzer. Also, are you majoring in math, computer science, or some form of engineering?</p>
<p>Baelor, may I suggest law school? Or talk radio⊠I think youâd give Rush a run for the money. </p>
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<p>Thatâs pretty funny.</p>
<p>Arenât you tired of people justifying what is plane "wrongâ?</p>
<p>Example: The 16 year old took her shirt off and did whatever she want it with her B:
Excuses: Is that the worse thatâs ok⊠</p>
<p>Then when people get out of excuses justifying what is âwrongâ then the next statement is:
âOh such OTHER person did worse: such and such that it is worse than the original act. </p>
<p>Other Examples:
-Somebody stole: Then the excuse is âohâ thatâs nothing compared with Maddoffâs scheme.
-Somebody got pregnant at 16: OhâŠthatâs nothing with all the kid celebrities that have been pregnant.
-Somebody cheated: Oh it is not the first time, such other person was caught too.</p>
<p>So, so on, and so onâŠthatâs how society gets to the âlow standardsâ: Justifying what is WRONG from the beginning!!!</p>
<p>As the mother of a 16 y/o daughter, I donât look at it so much from the perspective that itâs âwrongâ as much as itâs worrisome. In spite of what others have stated, I believe itâs perfectly rational to be concerned that the teens wonât just stop at heavy petting. No one is saying itâs a given that they will go on to sex, but come on. Teens who do have sex usually worked their way into it by escalating heavy petting sessions. I think a responsible parent would be concerned about this and would be giving a lot of thought into how to approach it the right way.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4: âWorrisomeâ is exactly the right word. I have given this matter a great deal of thought and I am most appreciative for all of the responses. ( and wow, there have been many responses!) I do not necessarily think that having her shirt off is a guarantee that sex is the inevitable. My concern is that she has not had this BF for very long; she does not know him very well. I do not want to see her get hurt or end up feeling badly about her actions once their relationship has ended. We have had many discussions about dating, stdâs, sex etc over the years. She is very well versed in the health risks involved with being sexually active at this age. But 16 year old kids are not known for always making the wisest decisions; they are impulsive at this age. I am worried but also hopeful that DD will be careful and remember some of our many talks.</p>
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It sounds like youâve done your job. You canât protect your daughter from having her heart broken now or in the future. All you can do is be there and support her if it happens.</p>
<p>I just stumbled upon this thread and only saw one person briefly allude to this possibility, but wanted to echo that the D might have been lying to the friend and not the parent.</p>
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I was going to say that there are no such peopleâespecially if we are talking about sexâbut I donât want to completely ignore the possibility of the existence of saints. I have to admire the idealism, but I think most people would feel that itâs more realistic to take out some insurance against the possibility that the OP is worried about.</p>
<p>I just have one comment on the issue of whether it encourages sex to tell kids about birth control. Hereâs what I tell my kids: âI donât want you to drive the getaway car after a bank robbery; but if you do, put on your seatbelt.â</p>
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<p>Their current sex life, silly. Their premarital sex life is a very open book, what with it being empty and all.</p>
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<p>See, I wouldnât even go there â which is probably the fundamental difference between our perspectives.</p>
<p>I think the fundamental difference is that I actually have children and have to think honestly about their overall best interests, as opposed to a theoretical position about some imagined person with characteristics rarely found in the real world.</p>
<p>And like other parents, Iâve known about plenty of kids who would âneverâ do certain things, who nevertheless did them.</p>
<p>Okay - a side issue regarding the incident bothers me. The daughter laughed with a friend about the incident. As the mother of a young man, I hope not to hear him laugh with friends about a make-out session where his girl removed her shirt. The girl might view sharing such information a betrayal of trust - as she should. I want him to view such matters as private - or at the least not worthy of a laugh or two among friends. Perhaps the boyfriend himself may not choose to have what he did or did not do with the young lady common knowledge, and in high school information spreads. I guess I view it as simple respect toward the other person. Oh well, as I indicated, not the main issue anyway ⊠but still âŠ</p>
<p>Girls are known for calling up their best friend(s) morning after to analyze everything.</p>
<p>Here is a side note - when my kids were younger and try to do or say things to get a reaction from me, I donât bite. Thatâs why some posts here are just not even worth responding.</p>
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<p>An example of âWhatâs okay for the goose is not okay for the gander.â</p>
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<p>Yes, I posted with trepidation. I usually steer clear of vitriolic threads. However, the OP brought up some legitimate concerns.</p>
<p>My remark was not directed at OP, but to some youngster on this thread.</p>
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<p>I understood that you werenât referring to the OP, but thanks for clarifying just in case. :)</p>
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<p>The theoretical position is the actual position. Itâs the position my parents have held their entire lives. And my grandparents. So clearly itâs applicable enough.</p>
<p>And rare still means they exist. Itâs simple a matter of finding them. A process which religion makes very easy.</p>
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<p>Clearly they did them, so the âneverâ position held before was obviously disingenuous.</p>
<p>The belief is that â**** happens.â Yeah, sometimes. But you can do a pretty much perfect job of making sure that it doesnât.</p>
<p>*a side issue regarding the incident bothers me. The daughter laughed with a friend about the incident. As the mother of a young man, I hope not to hear him laugh with friends about a make-out session where his girl removed her shirt. The girl might view sharing such information a betrayal of trust - as she should. I want him to view such matters as private - or at the least not worthy of a laugh or two among friends. Perhaps the boyfriend himself may not choose to have what he did or did not do with the young lady common knowledge, and in high school information spreads. *</p>
<p>This is a very good point. The same female who would be aghast to learn that her boyfriend/husband joking about intimate details of her sex life should think twice about doing the same.</p>
<p>Girls are known for calling up their best friend(s) morning after to analyze everything.</p>
<p>True, but girls still can do so without revealing details of a sex life. Itâs one thing for girls to talk about concerns and such, itâs another to be jokey about oneâs sex life.</p>