need advice with 16 yr old daughter

[Chedva]

<p>

“Premeditated” in that it requires some thought/decision. First, to be in a position where sex with someone is even possible – again, not that easy to have if you make a conscious effort every day to avoid those situation. Second, to get undressed, unless you live in a nudist colony. Third, to start and continue the act (cf. two people kissing and one of them stops it).

I assume, Baelor, that your principles then also adhere to no alcohol, even after the age of 21, if one is unmarried? Because the vast majority of “unplanned” sex occurs under the influence of alcohol (excluding the possibility of rape, of course).</p>

[Baelor]

<p>

I assume, Baelor, that your principles then also adhere to no alcohol, even after the age of 21, if one is unmarried? Because the vast majority of “unplanned” sex occurs under the influence of alcohol (excluding the possibility of rape, of course).

</p>

<p>No, they really don’t. But if refraining from alcohol is what it takes, then that’s what it takes. Everyone I know can have a beer or glass of wine without stripping afterward, so it’s not really a problem.</p>

[woody]

<p>Hmmm, I don’t know Baelor, a glass of wine or beer here, alone with a girl there. It can be a slippery slope but you must be made of sterner stuff.</p>

[Baelor]

<p>

alone with a girl there

</p>

<p>There’s the catch – that situation would never come up.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>There’s the catch – that situation would never come up.</p>

<p>Then I guess your convictions never need to be tested.
Good for you.</p>

[Baelor]

<p>

Then I guess your convictions never need to be tested.

</p>

<p>Not letting the situations come up is its own test.</p>

[pugmadkate]

<p>

…I think the fundamental difference is that I actually have children and have to think honestly about their overall best interests, as opposed to a theoretical position about some imagined person with characteristics rarely found in the real world.</p>

<p>And like other parents, I’ve known about plenty of kids who would “never” do certain things, who nevertheless did them…

</p>

<p>Yes, well said. And it cuts across all religions, all cultures. It doesn’t take too much time in the public health field to figure that out.</p>

[bulletandpima]

<p>Agreed!</p>

<p>Baelor you have the luxury of ifs and maybes. We actually are trying to enlighten you by saying ifs and maybes become reality.</p>

<p>Have to ask this:</p>

<p>Your 1st born is a DS and at 16 he says he is gay. He is not sexually active, but he is gay. What will you do?</p>

<p>Will you disown him because of your religious beliefs or will you embrace him because he is your son?</p>

<p>Your DD gets pregnant as a freshman at YALE, where do you stand now? </p>

<p>Remember there is the adage God laughs at those who make plans.</p>

[red963]

<p>

There’s the catch – that situation would never come up.

</p>

<p>Wow. And I thought I didn’t get out much. You’ve never been in the same room alone with a girl ever?</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>You’ve never been in the same room alone with a girl ever?</p>

<p>It is interesting that the people who are determined to avoid sex- are the ones who seem most obsessed with it.</p>

<p>I can’t imagine being so afraid of being alone with someone of the opposite sex that I micromanaged every minute so that would never occur.</p>

[jonri]

<p>I think “afraid” is the wrong word here. It can be part of one’s value system. My D worked in a small office with a devout Orthodox Jew who was married. My D had a serious boyfriend. She had no interest in her co-worker. But, yes, he would never be alone with her. </p>

<p>In his case, there was really no fear that this Gentile woman he knew to be very much in love with someone else and who knew he was married and had met his wife would attack him. It was just ingrained in his very marrow not to be alone with a woman.</p>

<p>So, I don’t think that it’s necessary to think that Baeler is afraid that he will do a Dr. Jekeyl and Mr. Hyde if he were alone with a woman. He just figures it’s safer to avoid being in a situation in which the raging hormones you are all going on about could lead to things he’d rather not have happen. Apparently, he–like my D’s co-worker–was raised in an environment in which that’s the NORMAL state of affairs. So, he takes it for granted.</p>

<p>Personally, I admire the fact that Baeler’s parents raised a son who shares their beliefs and is willing to voluntarily adhere to them in a college where “hook ups” and “sexiles” are frequent events.</p>

[nngmm]

<p>^in some religious communities it is strictly prohibited for people of different sexes to be in the same room with a door closed. For someone who grew up in such community it becomes a second nature to follow these rules, it is <em>almost</em> automatic (just like brushing your teeth in the morning)</p>

<p>That is not to say that members of these communities never have premarital sex or homosexual relationships. But those who do try very hard to stay deep in the closet, and those who don’t try very hard to believe (or to pretend) that no one in their community does.</p>

[ignatius]

<p>

@Baelor

Not letting the situations come up is its own test.

</p>

<p>I have a married friend who travels on business quite a bit, and he practices this bit of wisdom as a means of staying faithful to his wife.</p>

[multicultural]

<p>If your child doesn’t know how to deal comfortably with members of the opposite sex, it can be rather awkward in college. Just saying.</p>

[Baelor]

<p>

Baelor you have the luxury of ifs and maybes. We actually are trying to enlighten you by saying ifs and maybes become reality.

</p>

<p>Of course they can become reality. That doesn’t mean that they will. </p>

<p>Let me just put it this way – in my entire existence, not once have I really been surprised by an action anyone I know has taken. As much as it may surprise you, I have a pretty good sense of how people reconcile and balance actions and beliefs (and whether they adhere to them). I know that you probably won’t believe this, but I thought I would mention it.</p>

<p>

Your 1st born is a DS and at 16 he says he is gay. He is not sexually active, but he is gay. What will you do?

</p>

<p>No sex until marriage. He is my son, and I love him unconditionally. Those are probably the two big points.</p>

<p>

Will you disown him because of your religious beliefs or will you embrace him because he is your son?

</p>

<p>My religious beliefs wouldn’t require me to disown him.</p>

<p>

Your DD gets pregnant as a freshman at YALE, where do you stand now?

</p>

<p>First of all, she would be supporting herself at Yale, because we certainly wouldn’t pay for it. And if she’s pregnant, we work with her through her pregnancy and help her support her child. We help her to become a good parent and work with the father as possible. </p>

<p>

Remember there is the adage God laughs at those who make plans.

</p>

<p>Hardly a theological or moral concept.</p>

<p>

Wow. And I thought I didn’t get out much. You’ve never been in the same room alone with a girl ever?

</p>

<p>In a private area? A couple of times with platonic friends, but really not ever normally. A couple of times in the common room of my dorm, but that was more for planning things for organizations. But I don’t spend much time in private anyway – I’m generally out and about, with friends, etc. If a friend needs a private conversation, then obviously we go somewhere private.</p>

<p>

If your child doesn’t know how to deal comfortably with members of the opposite sex, it can be rather awkward in college. Just saying.

</p>

<p>I do. Just not naked.</p>

[nngmm]

<p>

First of all, she would be supporting herself at Yale, because we certainly wouldn’t pay for it.

Why is that? Because she is a girl?</p>

[Baelor]

<p>

Why is that? Because she is a girl?

</p>

<p>What? No. I just wouldn’t want my child to go to Yale, and therefore would not pay for it. But again, this is literally irrelevant.</p>

[Greenery]

<p>Question of someone: "Because the vast majority of “unplanned” sex occurs under the influence of alcohol (excluding the possibility of rape, of course). </p>

<p>"B Answer:: "No, they really don’t. But if refraining from alcohol is what it takes, then that’s what it takes. Everyone I know can have a beer or glass of wine without stripping afterward, so it’s not really a problem. "</p>

<p>Question of someone:
"If your child doesn’t know how to deal comfortably with members of the opposite sex, it can be rather awkward in college. Just saying. </p>

<p>B Answer: I do. Just not naked. </p>

<p>Baylor I have to say you are a mature individual…good for you. Wishing you success in your life!</p>

[Baelor]

<p>Thank you. :)</p>

[nngmm]

<p>What’s wrong with Yale?</p>