<p>Here is the post I was going to write yesterday but didn’t get a chance, after reading the previous day’s posts and so it is out of sequence now since many posts went up today.</p>
<p>Hoveringmom, I think it was brave of you to share your son’s story at his first college theater program. I can’t imagine how difficult that time was for you as a parent, let alone for him as a student. I thought about your son’s story and two stories came to my mind, even though they differ from his story. </p>
<p>First, my D’s best theater friend from her many summers at a theater camp is hugely talented in musical theater and got into many very selective BFA programs. She opted to attend one of the top BFA in MT programs in the country, a program my D chose not to apply to (even though much of their college list did overlap). This other program had a very significant cut policy and that was not my kid’s cup of tea (not truly mine either) even though the program is truly great and so well regarded with lots of talented students who do well after graduating. This friend was NOT cut at that program and in fact, from all accounts I know from the parents, the program loved their daughter and she did well there and was reviewed positively and cast well, etc. She was not in danger of ever being cut. However, I recall hearing about her experiences there and sharing and contrasting them with my own kid’s experiences at a different school that doesn’t cut, and it was really different. The other program was more competitive in nature between students, also smaller, and a different kind of stress given the cut policy and the atmosphere created in the program either due to the cut policy, the philosophy of the program or its program director, or some other reason. And my D wasn’t experiencing that and felt nurtured overall at her program. </p>
<p>But what made me think of my D’s friend in relation to your son is that this student was having personal issues as it sounds like your son was unfortunately going through at the time as well. And this could happen no matter where the student had landed at college. I believe from observing this other case that the mix of personal issues that were challenging at the time and within the particular atmosphere of that program turned into a situation that was not so healthy for the student. For her own health, she left the program in the middle of her second year there. She was told she could come back at any time. She got healthier and eventually transferred into an Ivy League school. I’m not saying she had the same issues as your son (she likely didn’t) but when a student is already grappling with personal health issues, their environment can contribute to exacerbating the situation. I think it is positive that your son did transfer out and found a better fit and hopefully is also much healthier now. </p>
<p>Our children’s health is the most important thing. Others reading along have to put into perspective that your son was already going through a difficult period and so others’ experiences at the very same school might not have felt the same as they did for your son who was “fragile” at the time he started at school. My D’s friend is not negative about her old BFA program and she liked it in many ways in fact. But she already was going through personal challenges and the atmosphere there likely didn’t help or support that. The good news is that this friend and your son are doing much better healthwise and landed in a positive place to finish their education that worked out better for them. I’m glad your son made the change! </p>
<p>The other story is not quite on the topic of personal health (though personal happiness is involved) and is different than your son’s and is not actually theater related. But since you shared so openly about your son, I will relate something about my older D (not a theater major) that came to my mind when discussing leaving a school that is not working for them, no matter how great the school is otherwise. </p>
<p>My older D (now age 25) is a high achiever. This is a kid with truly no emotional issues, very easygoing, and has been on a straight trajectory her whole life that has been positive in every way. She has excelled both academically and in extracurricular endeavors. She has been so easy to raise! To give an idea, she went from being valedictorian in high school to entering Brown University which she loved. She achieved a lot there in and out of the classroom and won the top award in her dept. at graduation. She applied to Master of Architecture programs (professional degree programs to become an architect) which involved a portfolio (kinda like having an audition!) and got into a bunch of the most selective ones in the country with extremely low acceptance rates. She immediately entered MIT after undergrad school. It was a 3.5 year program and extremely rigorous (I know a BFA is rigorous but this involved “living” in the studio from about 8 AM until 3 AM seven days a week, no joke). She was up for the rigor as she is a VERY motivated hard working person and driven to succeed. In arch school, a HUGE part of the program is the required studio every semester and then there are other courses too. Studio involves HOURS of work creating projects and a LOT of critiques of those projects that are pretty brutal in fact (not nurturing to say the least). My D was enjoying the program, working extremely hard and made friends. She was the youngest person in the program (not a problem for her socially at all) and the only one straight out of college. The program did not treat her level of prior experience any differently than those who had worked for many years in the field. The professors’ standards were the same in studio. We figured the school saw something in her and chose to accept her in a highly selective process which was not a fluke given she got into five other top programs. My D was getting As in the courses that were not studio. She worked her butt off in studio but was critiqued harshly. Effort is not what counts there. And her studio teachers the first two semesters were visiting faculty and they were pretty brutal to her. However, she was meeting with other great success there such as winning grants including to work for an architect in France that summer that MIT funded and was chosen to be a project manager on a major installation she did with a group of MIT grad students that was built as an exhibit in the National Design Museum in NYC. MIT even awarded her a half tuition scholarship for her second year that she applied for (didn’t have the first year). In Nov. of her second year (third semester in the 7 semester program), she called us while we were on a road trip and she was in tears. This is a young adult who barely EVER cries, just to give perspective. She said she was not enjoying studio. Long hours only work if you are passionate about it and while she loves architecture, she was not passionate about studio. I think they just really broke her in that studio because she was trying her hardest. She loved all the other courses but you can’t do that degree without studio which is a major core part. She said even if she was getting As in studio, she didn’t want to do studio. She realized she didn’t want to be a designer, but really loved what she was interested in before she even got to MIT which is sustainable design. She wanted to specialize in that and change gears to that specialization and not do studio any longer as she was unhappy in studio. She was worried that people would think she was nuts to leave MIT, ranked #2 for grad arch schools. But we supported her as we wanted her to be happy and we were proud that she was able to come to this decision and change gears even though she had been on a “straight line” with no detours her whole life. She dropped studio for the rest of the semester and stayed in the other courses. </p>
<p>She worked in architecture that spring in Boston and then won a scholarship and even still got funding from MIT where she was no longer a student (they liked her!) to do research that summer in Zurich in architecture in her specialty and then she worked in architecture in France after that and then came back to the US and coached a sport at her undergrad school. She applied to the very small number of grad programs in building science/technology and sustainability that were highly selective (very chancy with so few schools too). She got into top programs and entered an MS in Architecture in Building Science and Sustainability at Berkeley this fall, and in fact, is the only MS entering in this specialty there and she is very lucky to have been selected. Things worked out. I shared this as it is a personal story and while not involving mental health or not exactly the same as your story, it involved a school/program considered to be highly regarded in her field and even so, she found that certain elements were not for her (though she liked the school and got great recs from professors for her new grad degree). But her studio at MIT was the opposite of nurturing. In fact, it reminded me a bit of how faculty can be in cut programs in BFAs, even though the students collaborated in a very supportive way with one with one another in her program.</p>
<p>Actually, I just recalled the third story that your story brought to my mind. I already related that my younger D (now 23) had a very positive experience at NYU, Tisch, and in her two studios (CAP21 and ETW, which I realize are not the studio your son was in). But I can think of one experience only that was less than positive. But it brings to my mind that every teacher is different in how they approach things and it isn’t an entire school. My theater D entered college at age 16, after three years of HS. She moved to NYC after growing up in a rural area. In March of her last year of HS, right after her 8 college auditions were completed, she was in a very serious car accident which left her with severe injuries and landed her in intensive care and eventual surgery, complications and a long recovery. She luckily survived. They said it would take six months to recover and she actually got her NYU and some other BFA acceptances while in the hospital! It was six months before college began. </p>
<p>My D entered for musical theater. Prior to college, most of her training was in voice and dance, but very little in acting. She had danced her entire life and was in a select repertory dance company and was doing dance 13 hours per week on top of all her theater stuff. In fact, her accident was when she was driving from her studio which is far away after choreographing a piece for the company there. She was an advanced dancer. At Tisch/CAP21, at the time, for every dance discipline and grade level/year at the school, there are FOUR levels for just that year (ie., four levels of ballet, four of tap, four of jazz, just for freshmen and four more for sophs, etc.). You audition on the first day for placement. My D who used to dance almost daily, had not only not been dancing for six months, but she also now had five screws in her hip! It was amazing she was dancing AT ALL! I know she informed the dance teachers. She was placed in the highest level of ballet, tap and jazz on the first day based on auditions at the start of the freshmen year. However, one or two dance teachers were very critical of her in dance classes and on her dance evaluations and then dropped her to the second to highest level. Their critiques were rather negative about (I forget the technical terms)…extensions, or whatever, with her legs. There seemed to be NO support or accommodations of the fact she was coming back from an acetabular fracture with screws in her hip, much pain and not having danced in a while, not to mention her other injuries. She was doing well but was not up to the way she was the year before just yet. She started to feel bad about herself in terms of dancing even though that was the one area she had the most training in and is a very good dancer! But she survived. She felt supported everywhere else there and so it was one thing that did put a damper on her image of herself as a dancer. The last couple of years she has not danced that much (but has done a lot of acting and singing) and I’ll hear her say “I’m not really a dancer.” and I think “what? you’ve been a dancer your whole life and are good at it.” Anyway, recently she had a callback in NYC and had to dance and the choreographer had been the dance captain of a Tony winning musical. She came out of that audition saying, “wow, I realize I actually do dance pretty well.” I always felt badly that her confidence in dance was partly knocked down by the negative feedback in her early time at Tisch when she was very vulnerable coming back from such major injuries. Didn’t have this issue at all with any other teachers or directors at Tisch however! So, there’s my share. Your son sounds like he was vulnerable for different reasons. Thus it may have been hard to be critiqued in that circumstance. </p>
<p>Lastly, I want to respond to some posts by fishbowl and SDonCC two days ago. They talked about how many programs take freshmen and want them to “forget what you have already learned” and take them from scratch, not in an attempt to “break” them but more to start the program from the ground up fresh. This is what I was trying to convey earlier in the thread but didn’t say it as well as they did. I think at most good programs, they sort of consider the freshmen as “beginners” and want them to start out fresh in their BFA program sequence and train them. That doesn’t mean it is not individualized or that they are “molding” them. But the BFA faculty sort of think of the freshmen as starting from scratch with their training. And I was trying to say that there are some kids who enter college with a lot of previous training, lots of theater credits (even at professional levels in some cases), and who may have been used to “shining” previous to college in their theatrical endeavors. But many of these BFA programs kind of wipe the slate clean and consider this the beginning of their training for these students. Even my own kid will not post YouTube clips from prior to college as she says, “that is prior to my being trained,” even though she had lots of training before college. And so I don’t think the teachers are trying to “break” students but it may feel off putting for some kids to be critiqued a lot and be considered a “beginner” of sorts in the training program.</p>