NY Times: Sex in a Teenager's Room

Parent Cafe
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<p>To me it’s not so much a moral judgment about whether my (grown) kids should or should not have pre-marital sex. It’s more about the emotional investment required of me once it happens in my house. That implies (to me) that the girl is someone special whom I can expect to be seeing for many years to come. I want to get to know her, and I’ll start to care about her.</p>

<p>That’s too much to ask of me if the relationship isn’t solid. If the deal is a one-night stand or part of a rapid serial dating spree or anything intentionally short term, then it’s different. My sons’ friends are always welcome in our home, but if they’re not serious spouse-material they can stay in the guest room, please.</p>

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<p>I agree. Girls who have slept over have been long term SO’s. No one is picking up nameless ho’s for a quickie in their bedroom while we play scrabble in the kitchen. And it’s not like there is any big discussion. Given the level of vitriol against helicoptering parents on these forums i ami amazed at all these responses and worries about whose sleeping in what bedroom on a given night. For me, it’s way too much work to police who sleeps where.</p>

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<p>Wow, really? It takes two to be a “ho”.</p>

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<p>LOL No, it doesn’t!</p>

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<p>Yeah, it does. If he/she’s a “nameless ho” having a “quickie” then so is the other “nameless ho” having a “quickie”. It takes two to have a nameless quickie- thus would both be a “ho”. </p>

<p>Not that I would ever, EVER use that language IRL. But if one is going to use it, then at least use is properly :rolleyes:</p>

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<p>Completely with you there Romani…</p>

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<p>Oh! I misinterpreted cheeky’s post! </p>

<p>Yeah, if your son is bringing home different girls every night…I hate to break it to you, but Little Johnny is a manslore.</p>

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<p>^that would be my cousin’s son.</p>

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<p>Speaking of conservative views, several years ago on CC there was a female poster who said that her parents would not allow her or her married sister to sleep with their husbands at their parents house because there were still a couple of unmarried daughters living at home. </p>

<p>She was completely okay with it and saw nothing incongruous about the fact that the married parents slept together with these oh so fragile and impressionable young women in the house. </p>

<p>That was probably the most bizarre points of view I ever heard of on this issue.</p>

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She did mention that she called the ex to ask about the arrangements, as well as the boy’s mom:

Why does “being committed” have to mean going to the same college? We don’t know that they broke up at that point.</p>

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<p>I will not allow this to happen in my home. I can not control their sex lives but I can control what happens in my own home. I think it is wrong on so many levels.</p>

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<p>What is “this” that you will not allow? Teenagers? Adult children in their 20’s and their long-term significant others? 40-year old unmarried couples who’ve been together for ten years? I simply can’t understand the thought process of anyone who thinks that there are no differences among those situations.</p>

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<p>Since links to blogs are not allowed on CC, I will provide information for anyone who is interested to do a Google search on a very appropriate blog entry I found on a Facebook friend’s wall today. It will likely upset some people, and others will wonder why something like this hasn’t been published before. I thought the sentiments were exactly what I would want to tell my daughters if I were their father (not that I can’t say the same things as their mother, but some dads just seem to have a more difficult time reflecting on these topics).</p>

<p>Google: Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Awesome Sex</p>

<p>The website is goodmenproject</p>

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<p>^ I tried to post that and got it deleted, but I think it’s a really interesting article</p>

<p>The title makes it seem a bit creepy but it’s not</p>

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<p>Agree, the title DOES make it seem creepy; I’m glad I got past the title and read the entry. I thought about posting it on my FB wall and tagging my daughters, but didn’t think they’d appreciate me sharing it so publicly. However, the FB wall I found the article from is that of one of D1’s best friends (was her maid of honor last December), who both daughters are FB friends with, so I know they’ll see the article. ;)</p>

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<p>I can’t explain it ~ but I’d like my college graduate D and significant boyfriend to not sleep (and I mean just sleep) together in our house (since we have enough bedrooms to separate them) even though 1) I think pre-maritial sex is a good idea and 2) I don’t mind if they live together before they get married, as I did (but it wasn’t obvious to our parents) But I’d much rather, at our house, she just ‘visit’ him in the guest room for part of the night if they really want to sleep together -returning to her room before the household awakens. That would be my wish. Again, can’t really explain the rationale</p>

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<p>That was how my parents felt when I was in college and came home with my boyfriend. I thought it was silly then and, tbh, still do. But to each his own!</p>

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<p>I think momof3 is referring to the original article, with the high school lovers moving in together.</p>

<p>I was able to connect to the blog post before it was deleted yesterday. IMO this dad fails to understand/recognize the difference between male and female sexuality. </p>

<p>He says he has held his sobbing teenage daughter after her BF cheated on her. Yet he wishes her fun sex with multiple partners? He says he hopes she makes “big mistakes.” Like what? (Picking up an STD or two, suffering a broken heart, pregnancy, abortion?) I hope my kids avoid big mistakes.</p>

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<p>I lived with my H for three or four years before we were married. We lived in same area as both sets of parents, so sleeping arrangements didnt really come up, although H did stay with me at my mothers house for a short time during the first year after we met.</p>

<p>I only had a single bed there however and it was a little cozy, especially when our family’s two dogs decided they wanted to sleep with us too.( I just had a box spring & mattress, so low to the ground and easy for the dogs to jump on the bed.)
I knew he was a keeper when he didn’t mind my dogs or my teenage brother barging in without knocking. ( well- he did * mind* but he got over it)</p>

<p>Neither of our daughters or their sig others have stayed at our house overnight, although I have offered to get younger daughter a larger bed so it would be more comfortable ( she has a twin & both she & her bf are tall - she is 5’8" & he is probably 6’1")
They stay at the BFs parents house who live about 12 miles away- and while their house is bigger than ours, it isnt humongous and I dont imagine that they dont have her sleep in the guest bedroom. They have also had her accompany them on vacations where she & her BF had their own room.</p>

<p>Older D doesnt really have a room here anymore, but she graduated ( undergrad) from college 7 years ago. ( her sister is still in college). Her BF also would be welcome to stay ( we do have a sofa bed) they travel to the southeast a couple times a year to visit with his family, but rarely come up to Seattle.( as far as we know):(</p>

<p>Before I met H, I had stayed with bfs at their parents house by " accident".( after high school)
In both cases the BFs actually lived somewhere else, but their room was still intact- the parents were out of the house when we arrived, and while we did sleep there- we made it look like we had just fallen asleep with our clothes on. ;):o
Im sure their parents weren’t fooled, but since we weren’t exactly rubbing it in their face, we gave them plausible deniability, and that made them happy.</p>

<p>Both sets of those parents were quite fond of me, which possibly was why I broke it off with their sons in order to prioritize a relationship with a man ( my H) whose parents * didn’t* approve of me.
I wasn’t quite sure of what I wanted, but I knew that I felt more comfortable dating someone whose friends & family were still attached to his previous girlfriend( I was his rebound relationship), than I was someone whose parents were a little too invested.</p>

<p>However, in the long run, not fitting in with your sig others friends & family is a stress :stuck_out_tongue: & I am relieved that our daughters have been welcomed into their BFs families.
Ironically, now that each of Hs sisters are now divorced, one twice divorced, by default I am now the favorite in law!
Ive only been with him for 37 years, not bad for a rebound relationship.</p>

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Maybe because it gives you plausible deniability?</p>