Octogenarian romances? Who has had experience with this with their parents/in-laws?

Parent Cafe
2001

I am not sure about how much she cares about getting money. She did text yesterday, “I just want it gone.”

I sent a link to the nearby Habitat Restore. They won’t take clothing, bedding, or chemicals, but they do take most other things. However, that would probably necessitate her boxing up household/kitchen items. Idk. Sil chimed in that was what her son and roommate had used as well as mil’s sister.

At this point, I think mil would take any easy button she could find even if she got nothing for her things. None of the remaining items are particularly “fine.” She herself is taking a lot to the CCRC. Other grandson and roommate are taking a lot, too.

She and Bob are reaching out to the movers this week. Another thing that has not been scheduled. House is being shown again on Thursday of this week. Not sure if a repeat or someone different. I am being very intentional to stay out of the house sale stuff.

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2002

The friends are happy to walk out with half used bottles of floor cleaner as long as there’s a nice platter or cute handbag to take with it… I think inviting friends and neighbors over to scavenge before you order a truck could work well for you. One of my mom’s “frenemies” walked out of her house with an unopened 12 pack of paper towels (Bounty, not the cheap stuff) and a spray bottle of windex which prompted some very funny comments. But at least we didn’t have to box it up!

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2003

Right before we moved from NY to Colorado 30 years ago, my father took home a carful of chemically stuff we knew the movers would reject (cleaning supplies, paint cans etc). He even took an old little chest of drawers from the garage to hold some of the stuff. I was delighted. Except now I do wonder how much of that stuff still lurks at his house, waiting for me to help someday when house gets sold.

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2004

Friend L suggested a, “Hug and Haul,” to me. Have the neighbors go by to hug her goodbye and take whatever they wanted.

I’m not sure they’d show up. Friend L said she herself wouldn’t. She has dropped them all like a hot potato. Doesn’t communicate with them at all.

The challenge is that mil would have to physically be there. It’s clear to me that Bob doesn’t want to spend time in her town/in her home at all. They should have stayed at least one more night. There was definitely more to do there. She apparently has still not gone through all her clothes. She brought back shoes and shoe boxes. Not sure what else.

My best guess is that they are only hoping to have to go down two more times - once when the movers are there and once when the estate sale or junk pickup or whatever winds up happening happens.

But, it’s theoretically a great idea.

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2005

I love Hug and Haul. But to be clear- we did the Coffee Grab without our mother there. She was already in assisted living and would have barred the door if anyone tried to walk out with so much as a pillowcase. We all lived out of town and needed a very fast way to get the place as close to “broom clean” as possible (although still massive amounts for Junk Luggers).

I applaud you for your serenity throughout this. I hope MIL is enjoying her new life at least a bit….

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2006

St. Vincent de Paul took some of my mom’s stuff.

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2007

Another option would be to find a local refugee organization. They usually need all sorts of basic household items.

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2008

They will usually take furniture too.

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2009

Did this as an executor for a relative’s estate with a group resettling recently arrived Afghan refugees, and it was beyond satisfying. One family was thrilled for a big brown desk - they were using an ironing board for that purpose. They were excited about decorative items as they’d left the things that made a house a home behind. Bonus: all of the heirs got so excited about this as well, and there wasn’t a peep about “we could have maybe sold it for $xxx”.

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2010

@Hoggirl how are the newlyweds?

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2011

Here’s the good news: Sil met with the other person about the living estate sale, and she will do it. She has other items she will bring to sell at mil’s house. Scheduled for the first weekend in February.

Here’s the bad news: Mil and Bob are woefully inattentive. A significant winter weather event is likely for our entire state Friday afternoon/evening and all day on Saturday. Still a little too far out to know what type and how much winter precipitation will occur where, but something is happening. They had planned to drive to where her house is on Sunday. I texted on our group text yesterday and said I wasn’t sure what day they were driving, but I hoped they were paying attention to the weather. They were not.

Mil (texting this morning): I’m not seeing anything on my weather app?? And then mentioned the movers.

Me: No, not next Friday - this Friday.

Sil chiming in about the grocery store already being busy there. Mil saying not stocked up here (where the CCRC is) and they’ll rely on the CCRC meals and hope they can make it to the dining hall. Meaning walking in the snow/etc.

Me: Are you waiting until the snow is gone to go? Mil: Idk.

Sil: How much more do you need to go through? How much time do you need?

Mil: Wanted three days, but maybe I can do it in two.

Me: It barely gets above freezing on Monday (both places).

Sil (later): I just watched the local news, and I don’t think traveling will be possible Monday or Tuesday.

(If we get anything significant, it won’t melt in one day. Y’all gotta remember we don’t often get snow, and there is not the road equipment to clear it quickly as is the case in other places. Plus, thawing and refreezing issues).

Mil: We’ll discuss. I’ll let you know.

:roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

They need to get their a$$e$ on the road on Thursday. Arrive before anything starts in either place and have time to stock up at the grocery store. Then they’d have plenty of time to sort and pack before the movers arrive a week from Thursday. Sil and I have tried to impress this upon her, but the reality is that she will do whatever Bob says. And, I know he doesn’t want to be at her place for a whole week. If they try and wait, they might get there on Wednesday. It’s going to be cold and stay cold after the precipitation.

So, idk what is going to happen. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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2012

Sheesh! I don’t know if they are inattentive, irresponsible or what but honestly they really sound as if they expect things to just “ happen” or for someone else to just make things happen. I give you, your H , your SIL a lot of credit , I would not have been patient this long.

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2013

Oh! Also - my birthday was last week. She sent me an e-card. Did not wish me happy birthday on the group text until much discussion about other topics. Asked my plans. No mention by her of my birthday ahead of time or asking about my plans ahead of time at all. Nothing like that. We don’t do gifts, so I don’t expect that. Though, we send her flowers every year on her birthday. I really thought she’d totally forgotten about it until I got the e-card. I know she’s ticked we didn’t have them over on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Anyway, my friend took me to lunch and we had a mil & Bob sighting in the wild! They came into the restaurant where we were eating. Didn’t see me. I went over and said a quick, “Hello.”

I’m certain she expects birthday doin’s from me/us. Her birthday is in February. She likes a LOT of fuss over her birthday. Will be hard to muster up the enthusiasm given her inaction about mine, but I will do it. Sil may or may not come up. Gotta get through this move first.

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2014

Well, you guys have done your part. You all warned them of the incoming weather. Whether or not they choose to be wise about it is not something you can control.

They’re making some dumb choices about that, though. Sometimes you just can’t save somebody from themselves.

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2015

My elderly MIL used to handle this sort of thing in a similar way to yours. One option that you could consider is to not take on the job of organizing her next birthday celebration. She’s married now, has a new husband. So let Bob handle it. And besides, her 2 adult kids are grown adults just like you and she’s not your mother (you’re in the supporting role as the DIL)…so if she wants a birthday celebration, your husband and his sister can coordinate it with Bob.

What Bob will probably decide to do is take her to lunch or dinner at his favorite spot and you guys will find out about it after the fact.

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2016

She has Bob now. If he is so eager about driving the boat for everything else , he can drive the b-day boat for her too :wink:

Oh gosh that move is so close. They should really just invest the couple of extra days at her house and make sure they get there in safe weather and get all the moving prep
Done.

Pretty scary thinking about a couple in their 80s in the South , driving 3 hours in potential winter weather - yikes.

And belated bday @Hoggirl !! :birthday_cake:

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2017

Well, as we all know, sil doesn’t want to be around Bob. She mentioned to dh in a text between the two of them she might make a quick trip up for her mother’s birthday. But, I don’t think she wants to.

I’m not sure dh would coordinate anything. So, it’s up to me to stay out of the way. Which is hard for me, so thank you for the reminder that it doesn’t have to be my responsibility.

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2018

Does MIL do video calls? To avoid driving, could they hire someone to pack up the house via video conference, so the items are packed up in time for the movers?

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2019

She does, but she doesn’t want everything that remains in the house.

I suppose that would be possible, but I imagine $$$ and pretty inefficient. Not sure how she’d find someone to even do that?

They should have done more work last trip. They should just go Thursday and be there three nights longer than they planned. I think Bob just doesn’t care. It’s not his stuff.

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2020

While reading this, what comes back to me is how you mentioned that your MIL had commented to you and/or your DH that she just kind of wanted all of the stuff in the house to go away so she wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

She’s definitely making choices that are moving her toward that goal.

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