I think it’s to allow for a longer amount of time from the divorce being final and when she visits. This is my sil’s theory.
If she waits until the beginning of August that is > 2 mos out. If she were to visit this weekend, it would only be three weeks out.
The reality is tongues are going to wag regardless. And, I imagine the reason the two local women turned him down (in addition to the fact that he was still married) was because his reputation precedes him. I’d love to know how long it was before he swooped in on wife #4 after her husband passed. It was 2.5 years between his death and when Bob married her. They were both in the CCRC. Remember, wife #4’s children supposedly didn’t want her to marry him in the first place. They were married seven years.
My college roommate had this system. She always had a new boyfriend before dumping her old one. She’s nice, many of them were too, but she didn’t want to be without a boyfriend. Several were clearly ‘placeholders’ as they really weren’t her type but she treated them kindly while they were dating.
The one exception (and I do mean ONE) was maybe when she got divorced. I don’t think she was dating when she was married but she got divorced and quickly got married again. They’ve now been married about 25-30 years. He’s nice too.
Bob doesn’t have a lot of time to waste getting a sweetheart. I think @Hoggirl said they are about 87 years old, so the clock is ticking.
If all MIL gets out of it is a transatlantic cruise, I’d say that’s pretty good. I hope she enjoys it and doesn’t get hurt (physically, financially, emotionally).
Seems like Bob is pretty good and quick about lining up romantic interests that are willing to marry or ??? I hope MIL doesn’t get hurt physically, financially, emotionally either. Somehow, the situation seems pretty ripe with opportunities for someone to get hurt. Hope she protects herself from STDs.
H and his buddies are in their 80s and vary GREATLY in their abilities & interests. Hope things work out well for MIL. None of H’s buddies (several widowers) have romantic inclinations but my late 70s BIL (widower) has several single women interested in him. He’s just interested in friendships as far as we can tell.
My aunt as a super senior looked for and found companionship (3 consecutive long term romantic relationships once she was a widow). She had more than enough assets to do whatever she wanted. My sister’s FIL similarly found a two consecutive long term romantic partners after his wife died. The family of last romantic partner told him she couldn’t be his nurse—his youngest D ended up making sure he got the care he needed as his health deteriorated before he died when the last romantic partner went back to her family. He had lots of assets and left it to that youngest D instead of dividing it among all his kids, though they all helped him as well.
UPDATE: Mil informed sil and me in the morning group text check in that she and Bob have decided the ARE going to see each other before the cruise. Phew.
But, here’s where it gets sticky. His son was going to drive down and back both ways to fetch her. I immediately called her and offered to take one of the legs (though I’m not going to do the down and back in one day as his son plans to. I’ll drive down and spend one night and then drive back). She was very appreciative. I texted sil separately and let her know. I know she’s going to be mad. I really don’t think sil is ‘shipping mil and Bob. I’m not necessarily either, but if it’s going to happen anyway, I’m trying to be fair about transportation. I told mil I was not going to do this all the time. I told her part of my willingness to offer was because I felt like they really should see each other again before the cruise.
If I haven’t shared before, there is quite a bit of disparity between our resources and that of sil. She’s not poor and mil is not rich, but I honestly think sil’s attitude re: Bob is somewhat motivated by her expectation of an inheritance. If mil starts doing lots of traveling with Bob, she is going to start spending more. That ultimately means less for sil. I don’t think it’s her sole motive in being against mil having a relationship, but I think it’s in the back of her mind.
You are making the trip more equitable and helping Bob’s son.
That’s very nice of you.
I wish all the happiness for your mil and if she’s found a travel companion, that’s great.
It may also be that mil was your sil’s travel companion and now she’s losing that person. And also lots of her life revolved around mil and that’s changing also.
After her own husband died, she sold their home and acreage out in the country (about 45 minutes from where mil lives) and bought a house and moved to mil’s town. I am pretty sure that she would have sold anyway, but for mil, she might have chosen to buy in the town where her ds lives instead which is in between. Idk. None of the distances are far. She has friends in all places and volunteers a lot in mil’s town. That was happening before she moved.
Sil complains a lot about having to travel with mil/help mil with piddly things, in general. However, she may perceive that she might be less needed if this relationship works out. She may view tending to mil as her, “purpose.” Idk. For all I know, she might even be jealous that mil has found a potential companion and she has not. Again, idk. I just suspect the money issue is a factor.
No one is entitled to inherit anything from anyone. I actually think for sil it’s more of a concern for future finances for her son than it is for herself. She has SS and a nice teacher’s pension. Her ds is 32 with no college degree. Though, he’s back enrolled in one class and trying again (third or fourth attempt?)
Yes, I believe feelings and lives are complicated. Sorry SIL’s S hasn’t “launched” and it’s understandable that SIL may be anxious about him. It sounds reasonable for MIL to have some fun. Here’s hoping “Bob” is fun and no one ends up hurt.
It’s good of you to volunteer to help MIL with at least 1 trip to see Bob. Is there bus service between their cities/towns? Might that be a way for them to get from one place to the other?
They have more luxurious buses, I’ve read, depending on cities involved. Is there AmTrak services between the cities? My daughter tried a bus from LA to SF & back twice. She found it fatiguing and switched back to planes.
I had no idea whether we had Amtrak until I looked. We do. Goes through mil’s town but not here. Was really interesting to see the towns where they stopped. The orientation of the route through the state is SW to NE (with stops on towns MUCH smaller than ours). We are NW of mil’s town. She’s pretty much dead center on the state.
Interesting and I’m curious why it stops where it does.
I have taken the bus from my home area to Boston more than a few times. It’s very comfortable, quiet, and has wifi. Very easy…and we leave the driving to them🙂
