There are different levels of bus travel. When I was a college student I caught greyhound several times and it was generally fine. When we go on tours, we are on buses for long periods of time and they’re fine.
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I still consider bus if needed to play catch-up when husband and I split up on family/friend road trips. Though I’d prefer to to use bargain Megabus, which son has used between Boston and NYC. Luckily so far we’ve had other ways to handle the reconnect, and backup plan was via train (with possiblity of bus ride at end).
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I’ve met a friend halfway between where she and her husband were. Everyone drove a little so no one had to drive TOO much. It seems like a compromise that could work as well.
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The thought of my 86 year old mother taking a bus or a train is almost laughable.
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I just turned 77 and today I took 4 different subway rides and a bus home. And a few months ago I took a bus to/from Manhattan-Boston. Granted I am not in my 80s and I am used to public transportation. It’s one of the big reasons that NYC is a really good place to get old. I don’t need it yet but Access-a-ride is available for those who need it–door-to-door service in a car or van, including for those in wheelchairs. And not just for doctor’s appointments–you can book a ride to the beach or the airport. The cost is the same as a subway or bus ride–$1.45 for seniors and the disabled.
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So, we all live in a flyover state. There are no big cities in our state. Much of the state is rural. Public transportation is just not a big thing here.
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Distances are much more of an issue as we age. As my folks got older and more easily confused we always had one of us accompany them whenever they left home. Even with us with them, it was a challenge. Mom fell twice and got bruises on her face. Dad got a terrible infection and was very slow to convince to take antibiotics that he desperately needed. Waiting and getting to the right place at the right time was increasingly challenging.
I hope MIL and Bob can manage their relationship with maximum benefit to both and minimal drama and harm to all.
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Y’all remember Friend L? The one who tried to take over the Temecula trip and then dropped out and that caused a rift between mil and her?
Well, they have now made up, and the two of them went out to dinner together last night. After three glasses of wine mil told Friend L she was planning to marry Bob and move to the CCRC up here.
Friend L called sil and told her that this morning. So then sil called and told me. Understandably, lots of angst and concern. I finally convinced her to call my dh (her brother). I’m tired of playing the telephone game and paraphrasing. Dh needed to hear the angst in her voice. Again, mil is in my circus, but she is my dh and sil’s monkey.
She did call him and then texted and told me so and that they were on the same page. I haven’t talked to dh - will tonight.
I do think sil is concerned about cognitive impairment at this point. Says mil is just not acting in character, and she’s concerned Bob has an undue influence over her. It is the sheer speed at which things are moving. Though, mil did not state a timeframe for this possibility. And, it could be the wine talking or attention-seeking or who knows what? Sil says that for lack of a better description, mil is acting like a hormonal teenager.
Regardless, this is becoming less fun
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If there were ever a time to stand down, it’s now.
You are smart to leave it to the actual children to sort out. There’s no involvement on your part that won’t blow back or even blow up.
The friend’s interpretation was that this was an actual plan. Another interpretation might be that this is your MIL’s version of “Hey, fun things are going on in my life right now”. She may have zero intention of marrying but it sure makes a more interesting story than “My gastro thinks I should give up dairy”.
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I’m very glad you were able to get SIL and your H to talk. It is truly on them to figure out how to handle this to the extent anyone can protect your MIL from herself or Bob. Good luck to everyone! I hope MIL is unharmed by whatever happens with Bob.
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Another interpretation…perhaps the friend expressed concern about this upcoming cruise…and MIL responded by saying they planned to marry. That sounds better to some folks than saying they are going on this cruise together…just because…
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Yes, there are many ways this could have been said and meant but it is something that bears having your H and SIL informed about so they can figure out how to proceed, if they want to do or say anything.
3 glasses of wine can definitely affect how things are said and heard as well. How reliable narrator is L?
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I have no family members in this situation but have been following this thread like a reality show. My thought, admittedly not knowing anything about the dynamic between your mil and friend - could she still be mad at friend and throwing a brag or dismissive “ I don’t need you I’m getting married” at her? Or is she trying to see if friend is a mole who is reporting everything she says to sil. Plant a story and see where it goes.
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Mil was never mad at Friend L. Friend L was mad at mil.
Honestly, I don’t think mil is that crafty.
As crazy as this might sound, part of me wonders if this is some kind of subconscious emotional payback to sil for all the angst sil caused her family during her teens and 20s. Sil was apparently h-e-double toothpicks on wheels re: rebellion, substance abuse, promiscuity etc.
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Probably pretty reliable. She is 13 years younger than mil. And, while I’m sure she had a glass of wine, I know she doesn’t drink as much as mil does.
But looking at it from MIL’s perspective…it is a viable plan to get into a very desirable place to live (from what I understand).
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True, though it involves her moving about three hours away from the city she has lived in for the last 65+ years. But, she would be moving to the town we live in, which to me is better than her moving to somewhere where neither dh nor his sister lives.
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Those of you who have access to bus or train options that are safe and uncomplicated and generally clean and all that should be grateful. This is not the case in all places and it is NOT the norm to travel by bus/train in all places. I don’t know about OP’s MIL’s area.
Here in my town bus use is limited USUALLY to those who can’t afford a car of their own or those with disabilities - that type of thing. I would have no idea how to travel by bus in my town. And it is only available IN town. Amtrak is also limited. I can take from here to a few major cities but there is likely only one time option (that is likely not great - like 5am in the morning or arriving at midnight) and NO WAY would I put my mom on one by herself when she was not used to traveling that way.
It’s not about being picky it’s just not the norm here.
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But a facility does not have to provide another room if divorced. So if that is part of any plan then really need to get down to brass tacks.
Honestly at this point it’s all talk. Now AFTER the cruise it could be another situation.
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Yes, what happened to his former wife after divorce? Where does she live? Are they in sane CCRC? Might that be awkward? Where would your MIL live if they split up?
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