She and her first husband had also bought into the CCRC before he passed away. So, she has paid her own buy-in. I think she and her husband were in an apartment. There are apartments, cottages, and homes. Bob is in a home. She moved into his home when they married.
She had most recently been in the rehab area after a fall. Intel I heard was that they let her stay longer than necessary in that section because she didn’t want to move back in with Bob.
The cottages and homes are much harder to get into. Those are the sections with looooong waitlists. The apartments may have some waitlists, too, but since she’d already bought in, I’m pretty sure that would bump her to the top of the list. Maybe there is some temporary housing there as well?? Idk.
Oh, wife #1 (the mother of their children) lives there, too
This is sil’s big concern. That mil would wind up, “homeless.” She wouldn’t really. Not permanently. She could buy another house. But it would all be a big PITA for sure.
Mil can keep her house that she owns now if there is a need for a backup plan. She can buy another, she can rent an apartment. There might be other CCRC than the one Bob and his multiple ex wives reside in.
I wouldn’t worry about that.
Mil is enchanted by the thought of companionship and something exciting happening in her life. She had by @Hoggirl account, not the best husband.
I was taking to a friend yesterday, she’s in her 70’s. She’s engaged and not planning on marrying. I like her fiance, he’s a nice man but is very set in his ways. He might be a bit controlling. He is very kind and treats his fiancee with respect and kindness.
My friend was talking about her late husband. My opinion is that he was a huge jerk. She doesn’t say so but the stories are crazy!
So her new love is set in his ways. She seems very happy. IMO he’s a lot nicer than her late husband. He might not be for everyone but he’s good for my friend.
I don’t really have direct communication with Friend L. I’ve known her through mil for as long as I have been married. Have lunched with her and mil, had happy hours, she’s been at mil’s for some holiday meals with us. We’re FB friends. That sort of thing. I used to message with her some, but haven’t in well over a year.
All that to say that I don’t tell Friend L anything.
Friend L is the one feeding info to my sil. Which, honestly, is kinda helpful because mil is being more open with Friend L than she is with sil or me.
It is a difficult balance between the fact that mil is a grown up who can do as she pleases and concern over her long-term well-being.
Yes, my fil was, IMO, not a great husband. Mil deserves to be, “cherished,”. Fil definitely missed that part of the vows. If Bob cherishes her, that’s great. If it’s going to wind up as a bait and switch (because he’s love bombing her) that is not great.
I would bet you $$ that Bob desperately hates being alone. AND Bob wants somebody who’s going to take care of him and fawn over him. So when wife #4 could no longer fill that role, divorce happened.
Desperate people sometimes will make some really unwise choices.
Bob’s track record is not good. I, for sure, have no idea if he’s a good person or not.
When you are an older person and especially an older woman, you don’t have many options in finding a relationship. I wouldn’t say all, but I would say that some older woman are happy to accept less than peak goals to have companionship.
I’m not being mean, but the odds aren’t good and the goods are odd.
There are good people out there but it’s not in an older woman’s favor.
I mentioned upthread that he asked out two women here in our town before he started pursuing mil. I have some amazing intel with one really strong source.
But, he did not file for the divorce from wife #4. She did. So, he did not move on from wife #4. In fact, he was married to wife #3 for 17 years. She passed away. Cancer, hospice, all of those hard things. So, I think that is a positive sign.
I think I also mentioned that it came out on the trip to Temecula that Bob had a bit of a breakdown when he first got to mil’s. Told her he was blindsided by the divorce, didn’t want the divorce, etc.
However, my amazing source also said that once it was clear he couldn’t convince wife #4 to stay, he immediately began to work on remedying the fact that he was going to be alone. Which was why he asked out those two other women.
So, my overarching concern is kind of that companionship to Bob seems pretty fungible. He just needs a warm body. Any warm body will do.
Bob cannot wait until July 14th to see mil, so he’s driving himself down on Tuesday, July 1. Will join the family and friend gathering at sil’s on July 4th. We had (and still have) no plans to go down for that.
No idea how long he’s staying.
These are the titles we are considering for this ongoing saga:
All My Seniors
The Old and the Beautiful
The Old and the Restless
The (Remaining) Days of Our Lives
As the Pill Dispenser Turns
I’m curious why you aren’t considering attending the Fourth of July get-together so as to be able to observe their interactions in person, without it seeming like that is why you are going. I would think the holiday invite would serve as an excellent “cover”.
