Oh, my gosh! 
Thank you!
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I agree—@hoggirl is very considerate and thoughtful in trying to help make things work out as well as possible. She has put her self out and gone above and beyond for MIL, SIL & others.
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Well anyone wouldn’t like it, right? But anyone wouldn’t like the millions of other topics about themselves discussed here. It’s all anonymous, so what’s the difference? You’ve been reading the thread, so how is posting anonymous photos any different than discussing their relationship or their fights with relatives or how selfish MIL can be? No different at all.
Another perspective on your own child vs in-law being responsible for “kin-keeping,” present buying, etc. My son used to buy me presents. He got married, and THEY decided that within their responsibilities, she had responsibility for present handling (with him providing input, of course). That frustrated me at first, but then I decided it was THEIR decision to handle things that way, and I had to respect it. I do still include them both when asked/asking for lists and making plans.
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I like this perspective very much! It really is up to the couple to decide how to handle such things. Starting with a group text to both makes no assumptions and feels inclusive. Much less your parents v my parents. It gets the ball rolling on the topic that needs to be discussed, so you aren’t left wondering if the info got passed along to the other spouse.
We have cut out all gift exchanging other than the flowers for mil on her birthday. I am not a fan of, “stuff.” She still gives cash to her two grandchildren for Christmas and birthdays.
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My mil would run communication only through her daughter in laws. My husband and his sibling weren’t part of the conversation at all. It was womenfolk who made the plans and made decisions about family life.
What I do is send communication through all the kids. Mine and their spouses. Sometimes I will only send texts to my daughter and son. They are my kids after all. I’m sensitive to putting that burden on my dil.
I wouldn’t get upset with my dil if for instance my son would forget a birthday. My mil seems to feel that the responsibility of remembering is my purview and not her child.
I will say that things are better now that my husband is retired and I’ve put some boundaries on him that communication is his responsibility.
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I agree. I retired before my husband, and due to that, I took on more of a role between my retirement and his retirement. Now that we are both retired, I feel a lot better about doing this:
about communications between husband, his mom and his siblings.
For our family, we have a discord channel that our DIL has joined. It serves as our group chat. We schedule our family zoom calls on that, and DIL and boyfriend in waiting (what do I call a potential future SIL?) join at their convenience. We are all getting to know how to manage these newish relationships. But of course, CC is always here for advice.
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Families all have such different beginnings and histories. My mother was raise by her aunt’s family, and while they included her in most things, once she married at 19 years old, she became part of my father’s family.
Sort of ironically, many of the gifts to my mother’s aunt, uncle and family were thought up by my father (a dog after they lost their older dog, a year of vanilla cokes at the drug store pharmacy for the uncle, who was a grumpy old guy) and my mother spent 20 years looking after my father’s father. She was also close to my Uncle who she’d known since he was 13 and she was 16. That worked for them (with my father taking credit for everything, always).
One of my D’s is already the lifeline between her husband and his mother (although he calls his father on his own) while the other D leave contact with her H’s parents up to him.
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We love my DIL but so far mainly talk directly to S and don’t make her into a conduit. My H also speaks directly to his brother (but I do remind him to call). My BIL is a widower and rarely thinks to call but always seems happy when we call him. We also visit him and invite him to travel with us. (He has gone on at least 3 major trips with us.)
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Call the potential future SIL a ‘future fiance’?
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Bobgate Update:
So the living estate sale wraps up today. The only large items that didn’t sell were mil’s dining room table and chairs. There are some smaller items as well.
I (maybe all of us??) was (were) mistakenly under the impression this estate sales person handled everything that didn’t sell. She doesn’t. So, now sil has to take care of what remains. I think she is going to call Habitat. She will meet and settle with the sales person on Monday. Dear nephew and roommate need to remove the washer/dryer and fridge they are taking.
A piece of good news is that someone seems to have a strong interest in buying mil’s house. It’s unclear if he wandered into the sale and asked or if this was someone the estate sale person knew was looking so she contacted him.
Dh spoke with him, and we are hopeful that it can be sold off-market. He wants to do a cash offer, no contingencies, and waive inspection. At first pass, all sounds good. Potential buyer was told owner-occupancy per the HOA. He’s a widower who wants to downsize. Dh was waiting until the end of this next week before he contacted a friend who is a realtor in mil’s (now former) town. The timing couldn’t be better.
When dh was talking to mil about the potential house sale (on speaker), I waved her CCRC key and fob in front of him. They’ve been back for nearly a week, and she hasn’t asked us about it. So, dh mentioned, “We have your key that you have apparently forgotten about.” Mil: “Oh, I haven’t forgotten about it. It’d be nice to have it back.” Her tone. 
She was clearly waiting for us to bring it up/deliver it to her. That annoys me. In my mind, the proper thing would have been for her to ask, “When would it be convenient for us to swing by and pick up my key?” Instead, it seemed pretty obvious that she’d been wondering when we would bring up the key.
After taking the key over to mil, dh reported that the sofa and two white chairs have been flipped. So the sofa now faces with window and the two chairs the TV. Definitely an improvement. The sofa was completely crammed in that corner. He did not notice if the leather tufted chair was still in there or not. He said the blue wingback chair was to the left of the sofa and, “looked dumb.” Desk that’s not being used as a desk still in front of the window. Hopefully, both of those items will go, but I doubt it - both belong to Bob.
Mil’s birthday is this upcoming week. I mailed a card and flowers will be delivered on her birthday. Dh’s birthday was this past week. He, too, received an e-card. Also, a Happy Birthday!” text that I was on. After the birthday greetings, mil wrote, “Bob and I would like to take you both out to dinner for all your help with the move. We know you like (nice restaurant), but we are happy to take you anywhere. Just have to find a time.” Dh just replied, “Thank you!” (for the birthday wishes). He didn’t address, and we won’t bring up the dinner. I doubt they will mention it again, but if so, we will just say that it’s not necessary.
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I guess I would take the up on the dinner offer. How bad can one dinner out be? It’s nice that the offer was made. It’s sort of the first nice acknowledgment of what you two have done!
And are you saying they swapped the couch and white chairs? Does that mean there are three chairs in a row (2 white and the blue)?
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So your MIL is playing passive aggressive games and hoping to win passive aggressive prizes. That’s annoying.
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Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I think everyone’s being a little passive-aggressive here! Maybe she intended to get the fob when she took OP and dh out to a dinner that I guess they don’t want to attend.
Sorry, but when she doesn’t act as hospitably as people want, she’s criticized. When she extends what seems like a perfectly fine invitation, she gets shut down.
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Why?
Lol. No disrespect truly. And I’m not there and don’t know any of you. I feel like I’m watching a Hallmark movie where everyone jumps to conclusions (and way too many assumptions) about the intentions of others. Sometimes it’s better to take words at face value than reading negative intentions into them.
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I appreciate the candor, and I don’t completely disagree. I had sort of been second guessing whether I was being a bit silly about the key. I just know if the situation were reversed, I would have offered to go pick up my own key.
Yes, @thumper1 - three chairs in a row - two white, one blue.
@gouf78 - a couple of reasons. 1) We don’t enjoy being around Bob. 2) Mil has not offered any similar type of appreciation to sil.
I was wrong - mil brought up the dinner out again when dh took her key over. He told me later. I don’t think she was waiting for the dinner to get her key. He just told her we were pretty busy for the next week or so. True, as my BFF is coming into town for a visit on Tuesday and our wedding anniversary is the following week. I’m sure we’ll eventually accept their offer. As I’ve written before, I can play nice and be around Bob 4 or 5 times a year.
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Ok. That sounds awful! You have to wonder why they need all those chairs!
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When my dh says, “It looks dumb,” you can know that it truly does. He is not exactly one to notice interior design decisions 
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I have to say I’m impressed with two 85 year olds moving furniture around, even if it does look dumb. I might have left it as I found it just to avoid moving a couch and several chairs.
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Have you seen the furniture, “sliders”?
Idk if they have those, but we do, and they make moving furniture easy! Now, if they put any of that furniture on the rug, that would be harder. Idk if they did or not.
I know the CCRC people came in and hung mirrors for them. Maybe they shifted the furniture, too.
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