That is excellent progress, especially about the house. Still cleaning out my mother’s house and I’m getting really good at just tossing things. Chip in a tea pot? Toss. 900 old Christmas cards? Toss. Dish towels that have seen better days (or not)? Gone.
I think MIL and Bob are getting better at tossing too.
Of course, I would have tossed those monkey pictures…
My better half’s dearest friend in London loved a restaurant in Chelsea that was named Monkeys. The entire restaurant was decorated in that colorful old Victorian style with tons of pictures that looked exactly like the last one! Was an old school British place where the menu was largely varieties of game. As you might expect, closed up shop few years ago.
Good for them getting those pictures hung. They aren’t my cup of tea…but I do think the choice hanging above that small table works well with the table.
At least they are working on making it their shared home.
I completely agree. I really hope that integrating her belongings makes it feel more like their home rather than Bob’s home.
Thought you said the prints weren’t signed?
I thought I had written that one was signed?
I have never paid much attention to them because I am not fond of them 
Those shiny brass-colored picture frames make them even more garish and unique. 
They would give me nightmares.
Then monkey prints are not to my taste. But I love the fact that something of sentimental value to MIL is now part of her new place. Best wishes for the house sale to proceed quickly and smoothly.
I think it’s a good sign that the picutres she likes are hung already.
Those monkey pics…I think I am actually feeling some sympathy for Bob!
Re: getting together, in general. I think I would go, if nothing else, just to keep an eye on MIL, make sure she is not isolated from family/friends, let Bob know we are in the picture, etc.
And as challenging as parents can be, we only have our 80-something parents for so long.
My dad’s hearing is terrible (but we are picking up the new hearing aids in a couple of weeks!) and I always left my spouse’s grandparents’ with a headache because it was so darned hot in their apartment. But you just deal with it.
Don’t forget, we are going to be those octogenarian parents and grandparents some day…
Art on walls is so personal. I bet I could go in 10 people’s homes and dislike 8/10 of the homes art. I think I’ll start a thread on this!
They both are. But I get it! The monkey with all the flowers is growing on me…
My spouse is in his 80s and has some difficulty hearing. I hope we aren’t shunned because we are getting older.
You won’t be shunned because of age but socializing with someone who can’t hear is frustrating on so many levels. I think I’d be much more understanding if i knew they couldn’t fix their hearing–then I’d be looking for other ways to communicate. But hearing loss is deceptive and it’s one of those things you might not realize until other people tell you.
And it can be quite different depending on environment. In a quiet room with one or two people someone may be able to hold their own but changing to a noisy restaurant with echos is a new ballgame.
It’s TIRING to speak loudly and continuously repeat yourself to carry on a conversation. You don’t want someone left out of a conversation but it just happens. And the speaker gives up. You don’t want to yell at someone continuously. You don’t want to speak to them like they are a child and yet you shorten every thought to the simplest direct terms. Just ugh.
I dunno.
Both parents died of Alzheimer’s. After a lifetime of being “that friend”, that neighbor, the person driving to chemo appointments, making dinner when mom was in the hospital, doing school pickups once they were empty nesters for younger friends who didn’t have grandparents who could help– we slowly watched them being “dropped” socially, by long time friends, neighbors they’d helped, community people.
I asked a long time neighbor for a favor at one point and she told me point blank that she found it “too hard” being with my mom. I got a phone call from another to report something “weird” going on in the house and when I said “thanks for letting me know, do you mind going across the street to make sure everything’s ok” I got “if you’re worried call 911 for a wellness check” and hung up the phone.
So while I know being with someone hard of hearing is exhausting, being with someone with dementia is tiring, being around the disabled requires more patience than being with someone fun and effervescent- just have a tiny bit of empathy for someone who is watching their social connectivity dissipate. I was sad when the long time friends told me “I love your dad but I can’t handle watching his decline”. I wanted to say “How do you think he felt driving you home from chemo when you were puking in the back seat of his car?” but of course one doesn’t say that. It’s not polite to keep score. So for many of us, that’s the “ugh”. Years spent taking care of people who needed a hand, and now for some reason being dropped. You’re the couple that everyone depended on for snow shoveling and doctors appointments and free child care in a pinch and teaching your kid how to drive and now the neighbors are afraid to poke their head in and ask “Everything ok over here?”
Not the same. I was talking about hearing which is something that can be fixed. If your hearing can be fixed and people mention that it’s a problem put it on your “to-do” list immediately. It’ll help keep you connected to people and friends. It’s not the same as having illness or dementia which you have no control over. Like getting eye glasses–you wouldn’t dream of having people lead you around just because you don’t want to wear glasses. But people do that with hearing aids.
And I’m truly sympathetic when dealing with dementia or Alzheimers. It’s REAL tough. And not an excuse but most people have NO idea how to interact with someone who has it. Unless you’re thrown into the situation and learn by baptism of fire or have some experience dealing with it then interactions are scary. It’s not necessarily from not wanting to help but more from not knowing what to do and afraid of making mistakes. But when someone is sick or infirm–most people have an experience they can relate to and willing to help in some way.
I haven’t done it but proposed it: in a noisy restaurant, I suggested that we start a convo in the phone wearing earbuds or headphones. My friend didn’t have either but it would have worked and can work in a group.
I have a good friend (10 years older than me) who discovered the apple airpods and how to do just what you suggest. He couldn’t wait to show everyone how great it worked!
I agree. My MIL was told by all of us in her family and by many friends that she needed hearing aids. Was even told by her doctor that she needed hearing aids. She refused for several years. Her reasoning? “They’re too expensive” and “I don’t want to look old.”
…but having people constantly repeat themselves and basically shout/yell at you doesn’t make you look old? 
She eventually did get hearing aids when my husband dragged her to Costco. After she got the hearing aids and started using them, she was shocked at how much of conversations she was missing. She thought she was just fine because she thought that she could rely on trying to read lips and filling in the blanks with what she thought people had said. Despite all of her friends & family telling her otherwise, she thought that hearing aids were still super large things that wrapped around the outside of your ear circa 1982.
She also refused to use her eyeglasses. When we went out to eat with her, we’d have to read the menu to her. Why did she refuse to wear glasses? “I think they make me look old.” But squinting at everything like Mr. Magoo is better?