I’m glad they are taking the trip with the group rather than going by themselves.
I still think Bob is controlling, high maintenance, and a PITA, but it seems as if your MIL is OK with that. Weird about Wife #4 and the book, but not your problem. I like your offer of walking with her as it is so good for physical and mental health.Hope she takes you up on it.
Bob sounds like kind of an unpleasant person to be around. He appears to be controlling, really insecure, maybe a little paranoid, and he wanted a nurse more than he wanted a wife. He wants somebody to take care of him. My prediction? If your MIL’s health declines more rapidly than his and she, at some point, becomes no longer able to dote on him like she might be right now, he will discard her. It’s good that you & your DH are nearby.
Re: Bob hating smart phones – I think this is a pretty common problem for the elderly. My MIL was always very technology-averse. An iPhone was too complicated for her.
Re: the trip to Italy – glad that they’re going on a tour that’s geared toward seniors. Woe to the poor souls who will have to eat meals at the same table as them…since Bob can’t hear well, I bet there will be a lot of shouting. 
Re: Wife #4 & daughter visiting to see how they’d redecorated the house – let’s be honest here. Wife #4 really didn’t go there for that purpose. It was to size up your MIL. And maybe to gather gossip fodder. As for them taking 2 TVs and the blue chair…hey, less furniture in the place, so that’s a good thing. 
I’d put money on the daughter of wife #4 saying “I can’t believe you let him have the good TV plus the “OK for watching in bed” TV. And you promised me that chair someday.”
Hence the surprise visit….
But GOOD. That blue chair is GONE. Too bad they didn’t take some more furniture!
I was so delighted to see that there was an update in this thread - I’ve missed everybody and this chat!
Glad MIL is visiting SiL and friends. Nice she had a chat with you and is less guarded. It’s great they are traveling with CCRC instead of just the 2 of them. It would be good if MIL goes back to walking or some activity. You’re a wonderful DIL and your MIL is very lucky to have you.
In our household, my H (who is about MIL’s age) is my tech support, having been in tech for 45 years. Fortunately he’s pretty good at it.
Sad they bought gas grill & are now afraid to use it.
I can’t believe Bob was upset about the inscription in that book. He had four wives before her, but a mere inscription from four years ago is problematic??
Not to mention one of them dropped by when she was gone!
Honestly though, I’m more concerned about the D noticing that she’s moving slower and slower mentally in just 3 months. Not walking would be a huge concern of mine. You lose strength and fitness so quickly in later years and that affects everything. Problems can start snowballing.
I find that the older men in our family have gotten much more insecure as they’ve aged so Bob’s reaction doesn’t surprise me.
It’s not just men. My grandfather remarried in his 80s to a woman of similar age. It started with her accusing him of having a fling with the young woman behind the deli counter which was clearly ridiculous. She wouldn’t let it go and continued to accuse him of other dalliances. It wasn’t until she started becoming physically abusive that my mom’s brother realized his wife was in the early stages of senile dementia. I think I may have mentioned at the beginning of this thread that my mom’s family had to convince my grandfather to move out of his home and in with my uncle after she became physically abusive (my grandfather was sharp as a tack).
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of Bob’s behavior has something to do with the beginning of mental decline. I mean, he does sound like he was always kind of a jerk, but senility can also contribute.
I mean, Bob is Bob - pretty much what we thought all these months.
I’m glad your MIL is visiting with SIL - I hope that is enjoyable for them both.
I find it odd that the minute MIL leaves town the ex’s are showing up at the door. Did MIL know they were coming? Did she have any say in the pieces they took - whether they were hers or not?
I think the whole 3 wives floating around one living place is crazy!!! I am glad they are doing the trip as a group.
I think MIL is exhausted. She’s had a huge year, mentally and physically with moving, giving up her former life, dealing with the joys of Bob and the stress of Bob.
And she’s older. I find myself moving slower even when making an effort to move faster.
I’m okay with Bob giving crap away. Having just cleaned out (almost) my mother’s house, if anyone, ANYONE, says they want something, they get it. My daughter was here last week and she set aside a few things that she wants to pick up this summer like some side tables. I mention this to my sister, who has had almost FOUR YEARS to take whatever she wants, sister asked “What did she take.” I’m so over the stuff in that house! Take it. Take it all.
Profound.
Just the idea that someone would want the clutter that we all deal with when a parent dies or moves into assisted living or whatever….
I have a cousin who claimed to love my mom’s stuff. (very typical early 1950’s chip and dips, serving pieces, etc.) She only walked out with a dozen champagne glasses (I don’t recall anyone ever drinking champagne in my parents home) and matching water glasses but since she arrived with her own packing materials, boxed them up, gave me a hug and walked out, I will be her loyal friend forever.
Someone walking out with TV’s and an armchair? It’s like Christmas in March….
Point of clarification!!!
Wife #4 and her daughter came by when BOTH Bob AND mil were there!
Mil did not share the story of the TVs and chair being given to wife #4. She told sil that, and sil told me.
Whoever mentioned the four prior wives v an inscription in a book - WOW! What a valid point!
Mil describes Bob as, “the absent-minded professor.” But I think there is strong validity to the early dementia probability. Especially since you all have witnessed some insecurity type observations in other elders you have known.
I think anyone taking a chair needs to be required to take one of those side tables in the garage1
Like a “ gift with purchase “?
I believe they have taken those all away now.
I probably have a tippy table or two I could replace them with.
Visit to former town update:
I guess the visit itself went okay. Sil worked very hard to arrange gatherings and meet-ups so mil could visit as many friends and family as possible. One visit had to get rearranged because her eldest brother (I think he’s 92) went into the hospital. He’s okay (was severely dehydrated), but he also has dementia. That delayed her arrival time back here by a couple of hours since we shifted our meeting at the handoff location so she could visit the brother the morning of the day she was leaving. I don’t think Bob was happy about that because when mil was talking to him the night before her return, sil overheard her saying to him multiple times, “I need to see my brother.” I don’t think any of us thinks her brother has much longer, so I’m glad she insisted on that. Sil also heard her tell him how much she missed him and that she wouldn’t visit her former town again without his accompanying her.
Also the night before she returned, mil asked sil when she would come here to visit and stay with them. Sil said, “That’s not going to happen. I will come to visit YOU, but I don’t want anything to do with Bob.” Mil asked sil, “Why don’t you like Bob?” Sil told her she believes him to be morally bankrupt and mean. Remember, he started pursuing mil while he was still married to wife #4, the now owner of the blue chair. Which, btw, belonged to wife #3. 
Mil said he was not mean, and sil brought up the times he has yelled at her. Told her it was only a matter of time before he was mean to/yelling at her. Mil just doesn’t think that’s going to happen.
As I’ve stated before sil knows she has a standing invite to come and stay with us. However, she has said that she isn’t planning any trip here soon. Which is not unreasonable since they just had five nights together. I believe sil will use our moving to our new home (probably in late June/mid-July) as a reason not to come up. “They’re busy getting ready to move/moving.” I have no idea when/where they will see each other next. I fear we are at an impasse.
Oh, also. While mil was away, Bob worked on getting his boat working. We learned that it has not been operational for three years!! We also learned he pulled money out of his retirement account to pay for a new generator for it. This is an 32’ long sailboat of some kind. Our theory is that he didn’t want to spend the money while married to wife #4. Remember, she was only paying the monthly fee required for a supplemental person in the home rather than half the total fees as mil is doing. We don’t think wife #4 has the level of resources as mil does. We theorize he’s now comfortable paying to repair the boat since he has more financial wiggle room with mil around. Remember, too, if he runs out of money, she will be on the hook for the totality of their fees as each one is jointly and severally liable. He has MUCH less motivation to preserve his own assets. I’ve seen their balance sheets from the pre-nup. Now that mil has sold her house, her liquid assets are four times that of his.
Oh well… I’m trying to break this down. The fact that MIL had to keep repeating that she “ needed” to see her brother, I’m hoping that was just Bob not hearing her. Because when you “ need” to visit someone who is 92 that pretty much means they are running out of time.
Interesting how Bob is spending money now that he is married to someone who has more money. I mean, he shouldn’t have to count every penny but still…