Part of me keeps thinking, “You’re never useless if you can serve as a bad example.” So, I hope I can file mil’s behaviors and tendencies away and refrain from doing them myself as I (hopefully) age.
16 Likes
My mother told me a few years ago, when talking about my D20, who was deeply grieving the untimely death of a friend that “You feel things more acutely when you’re young.” I don’t know if that’s true for all, but I guess it has been true for her.
3 Likes
I think lack of empathy does come with age in a lot of cases- I hear older people in my own family say things like - well they didn’t take care of themselves, or they are a little older than me.. I think it’s protective, they don’t want to acknowledge that something is coming for them in the relatively near future too.
10 Likes
Incidentally, when I went to open this thread, it popped me back to the very first post from a year ago. Reading through that again all I could think was oh my, what a journey it has been!
4 Likes
I think your SIL’s comment was 100% about your MIL, not at all about you. She’s mad because her mom said it was great to see her kids, but SHE is one of MIL’s kids. And yeah, SIL could have gone, too, but that’s not the point. What MIL said was foolish and clueless at best.
2 Likes
I agree with this. It easily could have been tempered. Fun to be with, “some,” of my kids. Fun to be with my, “local-to-me,” kids. I’m kind of past the point where I can give her the benefit of the doubt, unfortunately.
5 Likes
I know, right?
This all started Mother’s Day weekend last year!
At least there have been some educational tidbits along the way: pre-nups, types of boats, alpha gal, interior design, and Donald Roller Wilson monkey prints/paintings. 
17 Likes
I do think folks lose filters as they age. Those who have fewer filters seem to become ever more tactless. I noticed that with my dad more than my mom. Mom stayed pretty sweet until she passed.
8 Likes
My mil has definitely lost any filter she had.
My mom and my mil had less empathy and were more self centered. Couldn’t muster up much sympathy for others.
I think this is part of aging. Unfortunately
@Hoggirl I’m loling at your mil commenting on the comments about her appearance. It’s pretty telling, isn’t it?
3 Likes
I’ve seen the opposite phenomenon though.
Was recently at a funeral– the widow of the deceased was hyper focused on comforting everyone else. Telling the grandchildren– ‘He loved you unconditionally”. Hugging her adult children after the burial “He was so proud of you”. Making sure to say something kind and life affirming to the deceased’s siblings (some of whom didn’t deserve it). A nice or funny or sweet anecdote to the friends, assuring people ‘You meant so much to him”, and to his former colleagues “He was always so proud of the work you did together”.
My takeaway was that as people age, they become more like themselves. The kind and selfless and highly empathetic (like this widow- ALWAYS thinking of other people) become more so, even with advanced age, and even during a stressful time. The self-centered ones lose the ability to fake it- so they become more of themselves- self-centered, unable to be present or consider what others are feeling.
A little paradoxical, no?
17 Likes
Yes, my mom was always very empathetic and in the last days of her life gave hugs and told us she loved us. That was very special. She even hugged one of the nurses. She was never demonstrative, so that was magical.
Wow—what a selfless, thoughtful widow! I’m sure it made her happy to think of ways to be comforting.
3 Likes
Oh dear! Now you have me worrying about losing my filter! If that governor between brain and mouth breaks, we’re doomed!
9 Likes
My mom was always a giving person. My dad, however, got much nicer with age. This was possibly due to retirement?
4 Likes
I agree. My husband’s grandma was like the widow you describe. Very generous heart & spirit. She was the sort of person I want to be when I’m old. Not everyone ages gracefully, but she sure did.
4 Likes
My dad’s lady friend is SO sweet. She sent me the most wonderful text yesterday, mentioning my mom’s name and saying she knew the love I show comes from her. She’s very empathetic and caring. 
18 Likes
Love this.
So we have another example that getting older doesn’t make you selfish and cranky!!!
6 Likes
This made me think a bit about this thread, and I can’t help but wonder what the couple’s kids/grandkids think of this whirlwind romance?
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/15/style/john-cook-sylvia-auton-wedding.html
I imagine they were hoping the couple had adjusted their estate plans (or will do so soon).
Google AI - In Virginia, a surviving spouse is entitled to a minimum of one-third (1/3) of the decedent’s augmented estate if there are children from a different relationship…..
Omitted Spouse: If a will was made before marriage and does not provide for the spouse, the spouse is generally entitled to their intestate share, unless it appears the omission was intentional.
1 Like
Can you put in a clause stating I’m leaving my current husband $500 as we agreed on the marriage that we both wanted to leave our assets to our prior children.?
1 Like
No. That’s why you use a prenup. You can add that in, but the spouse can elect against the will after you pass. It’s just not something that is worth the risk of a, “gentlemen’s agreement.”
In our state, I think a couple has to be married for a year to elect against a will. All states are different. But all of them provide much greater protection for spouses than they do for children. It is MUCH easier to disinherit a kid than a spouse.
5 Likes