I actually think that the new Viking cruise could have some advantages when there are mobility challenges. I picture the bigger ships as being more friendly to those with mobility concerns. (River vessels had some challenges.) Plus there is more to do on the ship if they don’t feel up to shore excursions. They could even split up some days, depending on energy levels.
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Or his schedule all to himself - he may be the king of controlling the time of his partners.
This behavior is nothing new. Bob is the same Bob with the same habits of the Bob from a year ago. But now MIL is with him 24/7 (her choice of course) and subject to his plan, desires, schedule.
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I apologize. I’m the one who missed the Viking situation. And that she can play bridge in the winter. That was me and I was wrong.
I was putting myself into the equation. I play mahjong and golf. I will choose to play golf in the summer because I can play mahjong all year. But you are correct that it would give her opportunities to meet and find friends.
My mom was in a great independent living place where she had tons of friends and did so many activities. My sibling wanted mom to move near her. It was a bad idea, I knew it but mom was of sound mind and that’s what she wanted to do. I talked to her but she was determined. In the same way mil was determined to marry Bob. Sometimes we see the truth but they are making their own choices. Good or bad.
Again, I blew it. Apologies. $10,000 per person for a North American cruise? That is a lot!
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You and others who care about MIL can only do so much. As you say, she has agency and is making choices—not the ones many of us might choose, but that’s ok. Sometimes there is much that is out of our control, including aging parents who make choices we think might not be ideal.
As others have noted, there are advantages to this change—the trip will involve shorter travel time, allow them more control over their schedule, and allow them to stay on boat or get off, as they (Bob) prefer.
Being with a controlling person is a choice your MIL has made repeatedly and perhaps is what she’s most comfortable with.
Wishing MIL & Bob the best. If the agent does a good job at securing hotels, transfers, transportation, it should work out fine.
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Oh, goodness! No need to apologize! You didn’t blow anything. I provided a WALL of text - lol.
I think any cruise that contains American ports of call have higher prices? I might be making that up.
Bob could have afforded the airfare (maybe not the most responsible thing to do with his money), but we think he’d rather spend his money gassing up his boat all summer. I think it had a lot of costs to get it up and running after being inoperable for five years. Mooring an inoperable boat for five years also doesn’t seem like a responsible use of one’s money either.
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Do you think MIL is hesitant to play bridge at the CRC because she shows up as the “current” wife of Bob? Do you think she feels judged there ?
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@Hoggirl : When I hear you describing MIL and Bob’s relationship, it reminds me of a teenage girl’s relationship with her high school boy friend. And the mother is concerned that the girl isn’t being strong enough to push back and continue her own interests and that she’s letting the BF make all the decisions and having his interests take priority.
I think we all said this last year – Bob needs to be married.
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MIL too, I think.
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I don’t know. You have to remember that when she does play bridge she only attends the open play bridge that is published on the CCRC’s monthly calendar of activities and played in the community game room. So, anyone can sign up and go.
Believe me, there are plenty of, “private,” bridge groups where they meet in each others’ homes, cottages, or apartments. To my knowledge, no one has invited her to join one of those.
I think she and Bob mostly keep to themselves. My suspicion is that whatever gossip circled around about her has somewhat died down by now, but maybe not. Remember, Bob was pursuing her almost immediately after wife #4 filed for divorce. She married him less than six months after his divorce was final.
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I tend to disagree with this. Fil died in August of 2018. It had been over 7.5 years when Bob came on the scene. Mil never expressed ANY interest in having another relationship after he died. Never went out on a single date.
But, I definitely think she was MUCH lonelier than any of us realized.
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I agree that mil is deferential to Bob’s wishes and that Bob needs to be married.
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A cruiser I follow on YouTube happened to review a Viking ship today that holds 930 so I think it must be a sister ship to MIL/Bob’s ship. It is gorgeous. It is called Emma Cruises. She was very impressed with the food and all the things to do.
I hope they have a lovely time.
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Ugh. Friend L just texted me this:
[Context: Friend L became friends with mil when they were teachers. Friend L is 75. She has known sil and my dh since they were teens. I met her right before dh and I married. Friend L has traveled with mil both before and after fil passed on girls’ trips. Sometimes with and sometimes without sil and friend C. She was also mil’s neighbor before mil moved]
“But let me reiterate I don’t care what happens to them. Just can’t believe her family isn’t concerned”
I’m choosing not to respond to her text. She previously texted today that said she didn’t care if mil fell into the Atlantic Ocean. Next to sil, she clearly has been hurt the most by mil’s move.
Again, we are concerned. We just have no control. I’m tired of her disapproval of how our family has handled this situation.
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Sounds like Friend L is just passing the blame buck. Family can be concerned but friends can too! If she is so upset she should take matters into her own hands as a “caring friend” - or once caring friend.
Also you cannot say those things in the same breath - that you don’t care what happens to MIL/Bob and that you’re stunned that her family doesn’t care!!
Maybe block her for awhile on your phone 
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I would be concerned about MIL dropping playing bridge. Not only is it socialization, but it is a great mind stimulator. I was playing with a woman who was 100. She still played a great game, but unfortunately, her sight was going. Then, Covid hit. She passed away at 104, but not from Covid.
We have taken several Viking ocean voyages. They are wonderful. They can do as much or as little as they want. One good thing is that they serve tea in the Wintergarden every afternoon at 4pm. It is lovely and relaxing, and I remember that she did not get to have tea when they cruised to England. We really love cruising on Viking.
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“Friend L” wants someone to blame and doesn’t want any of it for herself. I’m sorry! I agree it might be good to ignore her for awhile.
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I keep coming back to this because it’s so rude. 
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I’ve learned to just block out people’s opinions about subjects they know nothing about. One woman kept calling DH and me about his sister (who probably has schizophrenia) who was living on the streets of Madison. “Why isn’t the family doing anything?” I told her everything we had tried and said she was welcome to call local agencies if she wanted. David’s other sister had traveled to Madison, found their ill sister, and tried to convince her without success to come live with one of the siblings. The woman kept pestering us, ugh. I finally stopped responding.
Then, of course, there are all of the opinions about our ill son which I just can’t deal with. I’m doing a damned good job with him and don’t need, “Have you tried this?” (yes) “Have you tried that?” (yes) “Can’t he work?” (no) “Why can’t he work?” (ugh) and on and on.
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As someone who lives in one of the states on the map, taking a cruise like this wouldn’t be high on my list for vacations.
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I had two of these people in my parents’ circle. Called all the time about why we weren’t helping or doing something. You want to try to have dad declared incompetent? Go for it? I stopped taking their calls too. Stay in your lane people!
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