Whoa. With “friends” like that, no wonder she ran into the arms of a love-bomber.
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It flummoxed me how two people (my parents) who had spent decades doing, volunteering, helping, showing up, driving neighbors to chemo and then staying to help kids with homework, cook and serve dinner, do bedtime while the ill parent was recovering from that days chemo treatment…. ended up surrounded by friends and neighbors whose “help” was confined to calling us adult kids to either berate us that we weren’t moving quickly enough to get them into assisted living, weren’t around enough, were in denial, etc. So many people who when I’d ask (without malice, I promise) “Have you actually talked to her recently?” responded with “Oh, I can’t visit her, it’s too depressing to see someone with dementia, I’d rather remember her the way she was”.
Well that’s rather sweet. But then keep your opinions to yourself. Parents on about 10 waiting lists for suitable living accommodations– if you know a way to move them up the list please share.
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If it were me in that situation, I’d probably let that text simmer on the back burner for a few hours and then I’d respond with something like “That’s a pretty big assumption.” And if she doubled down on it, I’d just give it all right back to her with “I don’t appreciate your judgmental assumptions when you don’t have all the facts nor am I going to fill you in at this point. So if you really do not care what happens to her, kindly lose my phone number and don’t text me ever again. I’ll do the same favor for you as well.”
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I’m confused. Friend L texted YOU and said “just can’t believe her family isn’t concerned”? Aren’t you her family (and you’re very concerned)?
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I just ignored it, and she started texting me about something else this morning.
Friend L, Friend C, and sil are all having lunch today. I prepared sil to expect an earful from Friend L.
Friend L clearly DOES care or she wouldn’t be continuously texting me ominous predictions about what’s going to happen to them on this cruise. She’s always been a bit of an alarmist.
In other news I did see mil walking on the trail this morning during my run. “Strolling,” is a better description. Bob was with her, and they were holding hands. I think he cannot stand being alone - ever. Regardless of speed, moving is better than not moving.
I brought up seeing them in the group text as well as encountering on the trail someone else I know who lives at the CCRC riding his bike this morning (several of our church’s members live out there). I asked if she’d met him and his wife. She had at a political meeting that is held monthly but not on the CCRC calendar. So, at least they are going to those. She did invite me to attend as a guest to hear the next lecture, but I politely declined. Let’s just say our political views don’t align, and leave it at that. 
As that conversation continued, I brought up a couple of interesting things I’d seen on this month’s calendar. Mil said they’d only done ONE of those (went to hear a political speaker).
Do y’all remember Bob promising mil he’d be more social with/for her??? Along with ALL the traveling he promised they were going to do? Since the Transatlantic crossing last summer they have been to NOLA for a 3-day trip where he was speaking at a conference. She was duped, plain and simple.
Editing to clarify: They have only done one CCRC event since she moved in in January. Not one event this month. In six months, they have done one event/activity/outing/party provided by the CCRC.
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Apparently, the only way to show concern in her mind is to intervene and stop them from going. We aren’t doing, “enough.” She has been critical of our lack of protest on all aspects of this journey the entire time.
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They will be fine on the cruise. They will probably be the target age group for this particular itinerary.
I have a friend who does the American cruise line trips and they are only slightly younger. They love them and like that they don’t have long flights.
Friend L is being a busybody sticking her nose where she shouldn’t. You have little agency over what your mil does. Let your sil deal with her
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Good point - we see LOTS of quite elderly people on cruises. Makes me feel like a spring chicken!
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I wonder if Friend L is getting most of her input from SIL. If SIL is focused on her grievances, that may be why Friend L thinks the family isn’t concerned.
In a more amusing thought, perhaps MIL isn’t getting out as much because Bob is thoroughly “entertaining” her at home.
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Yes, I think the Friend’s response about a Viking cruise not being elderly friendly is hyperbolic.
Do I think it’s a great idea that they’re going solo? Absolutely not, because the issue is that they need to get themselves to the Viking Cruise and from the Viking Cruise. Oh dear.
If they were traveling with a group from their community, then the group would be providing the types of accommodations that a couple in their 80s will likely need.
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Friend L is out of line. Wow.
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My in-laws always buy the pre/post transfer options on their cruises so they are met by someone who takes their luggage at the airport baggage claim, gets them to their hotel, and then to the ship. They usually show up a day or two before the cruise and do the ship’s extra tours in their starting city, and do the same on the back end. The ship gets them and their luggage back to the airport for the ride home. They also use the same ride service to get them to/from their home airport.
Definitely adds cost but it makes it much easier for them. Viking definitely provides those services!
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The amazing thing about Viking.
As long as you book the airfare through them, they take care of the transfers.
It’s quite a nice bubble and you don’t have to worry about anything. Seriously once we left the airport baggage claim, we never touched our suitcases until they dropped us off at the airport at the end. If you needed assistance, they could help with that. It’s very seamless
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Oh yes, I certainly agree that Viking will handle a lot, but IMO there still is a care gap between having the airport transfer booked, and having an actual group escort. Perhaps I’m overstating that out of a sense of concern here.
My folks have been on over a dozen Viking cruises - from river cruises, to the Mediterranean, to the round the world cruise, and they actually did this particular cruise as well (but in the opposite direction). They love them! But there’s still a certain degree of independence required.
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I read subtext of Friend L’s text as “[MIL] used to do things with me like travel and she was my friend and neighbor and now she’s gone and gotten herself a man to do things with and moved and I’m really upset so let me annoy you about it because you didn’t stop her from abandoning me.”
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I think this is probably spot on. Friend L chose to buy a home in mil’s former neighborhood because mil would be her neighbor!
Friend L is married, though her husband is older than she.
I think she, like sil, is feeling a great sense of abandonment. No one saw this coming.
Here is what sil texted me about her lunch with Friend L and Friend C today:
“Friend L was more insistent than normal that this cruise is a terrible plan…almost manic”
and
“She is just convinced they will not be physically fit enough for the tours, cannot walk fast or far enough, will fall and get hurt, Viking is not for old people, need to get her to switch to American river cruises…”
I asked sil how she responded, and she texted me:
“I told her [Friend L] I had prodded her [mil] to step up her walking game, but mostly that I had no influence over her“
She said that Friend L eventually calmed down. And sil also said to me that mil could fall on her way to the toilet tonight. At her age, anything can happen. True.
To be fair to Friend L, she was one who freely shared her opinions with mil about her marrying Bob and moving. That did not endear her to mil. But Friend L was forthright with mil. (I’m sure everyone has surmised by now that she is forthright and freely shares her advice and opinions with anyone and everyone)
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Well, just saying that my 80+ year old spouse just completed a 1 month trip which entailed a LOT of walking, getting on and off ferries, buses, trains and airplanes, going up and down a LOT of steps, dealing with our luggage (his and sometimes mine as well), as well as adjusting to varying time zones and different hotels and lodging sometimes daily. He did fine, except for one trip to the ER in NYC and losing his cell phone (which sadly we never recovered).
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I’m so glad it was (mostly) a good trip! A key difference is that clearly your husband is in good physical shape. Mil is not. And her fitness has definitely declined since marrying Bob because she does not walk daily as she used to. She has also recently been diagnosed with multiple back issues: arthritis, stenosis, bulging disks, age-related scoliosis, and she is very stooped. 
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True, I just wanted to say that fitness is more of an issue than age, as you’re noting. I’m sorry your MIL isn’t taking care of her fitness and it doesn’t sound like Bob is taking care of his either. Wishing them the best but I can certainly understand your concerns and worry.
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Sounds like your dh makes staying in shape a priority so he can do the things he wants to do.
It’s why I try to exercise at least five days a week! Getting older happens to all of us, but I do what I can in the hope that I will age well.
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