Yes, H does try, but he is having MANY more health challenges than even a few years ago. Our lung doc kept calling this trip we just returned from the “TRIP OF A LIFETIME.” It was an amazing trip with one of my best friends from when we were 12 years old and her husband, whom we’ve known for decades.
We have seen MANY more MDs and had a LOT more medical and hospital visits in the past 18 months than in the prior 80+ years of H’s life!
Age IS a factor and we do all we can to stay as healthy as we can, with varying amounts of success. Haha!
It’s so sad that your MIL has stopped walking. That’s the best thing she could be doing for herself.
That said, my step MIL is in very poor health now (cardiac issues) and she still loves cruising. She focuses on the bus excursions if she opts to leave the ship but really she just loves being wined and dined, finding cozy spots to curl up to read, the lectures, meeting new people, etc…
Would it be a horrible thing if Bob and MIL stayed on the ship at most/all ports? If they don’t think they can handle a tour or getting on and off a tender, they can stay on the ship and play bridge or people watch or eat and eat and eat. It’s their vacation and they can do anything they want.
A friend of mine, who is a very large man, went on a cruise of Spain, Italy and France last year. His wife can’t walk far so she’s mostly in a (manual) chair. He had arranged handicapped permits for many of the places they wanted to see, like Sagrada Familia and museums. A lot of work for him to push her across Europe, but they took it slow and it was a bucket list trip for them. Were they like all the other spry travelers? No, but they did what they wanted to do and went on the cruise. (honestly, I bet Bob and MIL are in better shape at 86 than my friends at 66)
Although I feel sorry for L for having lost her friend and travel companion, it is MIL’s life and as you said, she’s been kind of lonely for years. She wanted to have her own ‘person’ to do stuff with, to feel important. SIL and L can grieve their old relationship with MIL but MIL gets to live her life.
IF they had the travel agent arranges things well, it should be pretty straightforward to get transferred airport to hotel to boat to airport. Other than that, they can decide what they want. If they didn’t arrange things, they can call for cabs, porters, etc.
They are going on a cruise, not a hiking vacation in the wilderness. Honestly, they don’t need to ever get off the ship if they don’t want to. If there is a tender ride at a port, they can just stay on the ship (we took a 15 day cruise recently and there were folks who chose NOT to ride the tender).
They will have food at every turn. Just about every port has the option of a bus ride tour.
Frankly, this particular cruise sounds like a good choice for folks who don’t want to hike it. Actually better than even a group led tour of Italy (very hilly) even with a guide.
I think so. Her husband is 82 - 83 I think? But he is medically fragile. He had some sort of throat cancer 20 years ago, and the effects of his radiation treatments mean he now has a stomach feeding tube? They had to take all of his, “food,” which im sure was very stressful. I’m sorry I do not know the medical term for that feeding tube. He had told Friend L this would be his last European trip. I have not seen him recently, but he is very thin. I don’t know how steady he is on his feet. They traveled with a group of friends, and she still said it was hard. This was a European river cruise. Someone (not her husband) on the ship needed medical assistance. The ship’s nurse was also a chef! She also said the gangplanks were tricky. I think getting on and off this larger ship mil and Bob are going to be on will be on will be easier. It appears that all the included shore excursions are simply city bus tours. Mil said they will look at some of the optional tours as well.
And they can absolutely do as much or as little as they want. Personally, it seems like a lot of $$ to never get off the ship, but that is certainly their choice. If they want to sit on a boat and look at water, they can do that on Bob’s boat!
Everybody is different–what works for some doesn’t work for others.
We have a relative who LOVES to be active and travel, while her hubby has become a total homebody. Someone described them as “a young 74 yr old and an old 80 yr old”!
BUT, the homebody loves cruises, so she can get him to agree to cruise. Granted, he enjoys staying on the ship while she gets out into the ports, but, it works for them.
That’s how my parents traveled before my mom got too sick to go. My mom would do every excursion that she could and my dad would stay on the ship and play cards or go to the casino.
The last few cruises I’ve been on have had a LOT of wheelchair and scooter users. Sometimes it’s the best choice of vacation for families with mixed generations and mixed mobility. The younger members head out to explore and those who can’t walk either take a bus tour or stay on the ship. Those on scooters weren’t walking 25000 steps in San Francisco like I did or taking a cable car or a ferry. They could see those things but leaping onto a cable car just wasn’t going to happen. Was the cruise still fun for them? I think so.
Remember Bob and MIL’s last cruise was a transatlantic, so they weren’t doing ports (all sea days, IIRC) and they enjoyed it. It’s what they like.
One remote possibility: could it be that she has read so much about norovirus etc. on cruise ships that it makes her imagine all sorts of nightmare scenarios and hence she is anti-cruise.
Friend L has her own issues and opinions. I would pretty much ignore whatever is unhelpful as it appears you are doing. Cruises are the method of traveling preferred by many people who have less stamina and more “iffy” health. Several patients I know have greatly enjoyed cruises, especially the easy & bountiful food available as well as entertainment and on some cruises lectures as well. Not having to change where you sleep and pack up your belongings and move from lodging to lodging is appealing as well.
Mil texted on the group this morning that she and Bob were going out to breakfast and then to clean the boat so her puzzles would be late. Right after she posted puzzles, sil commented, “I hope you are cleaning/working inside in the A/C.” Mil replied the boat was air-conditioned, but the work they were doing is up top.
The heat index here is 93°.
I just wonder if she knew when she married Bob she was signing up to be his swab/deckhand. As soon as fil passed away (when she was 79), she hired a housekeeper, so I find it hard to believe cleaning Bob’s boat in the sweltering heat at the age of 87 is something she really wants to be doing.
She’ll say it’s too hot to walk because it’s later in the day, but she’ll go out at high noon and clean a boat?
I was thinking of this conversation when I played golf and had lunch with a friend who is 15 years older than I am.
I know it’s who she is, but everything seems to be deferential to her fiancé. They won’t get married and keep finances separate for the most part.
For instance last year they went on a cruise to Iceland, this year Alaska. She commented that she doesn’t like cold weather but this years cruise will be better because the ship has a casino.
They have 2 cars but only drive one at a time. A winter car and a summer car. They go everywhere together or he stays home if she has plans.
It feels so strange to me the dynamics. I don’t know if it’s generational or her personality.
Mil did plenty of things independently of my fil during their marriage. Even some significant travel. Now, she did do all the domestic household type things. And made sure dinner was on the table for him every night. But, she certainly wasn’t with him constantly. At least not during the 30 years I was around them.
