We don’t have WiFi yet (allegedly on Wednesday, but talking to new neighbors makes me lack confidence), and we don’t have unlimited data, so I haven’t been on here much lately. Right now I’m at our local coffee shop on their WiFi.
Allegedly, the boat mechanic checked out the generator, and it is fine. Told Bob it needs to be run. So on Saturday, they headed to the lake. Bob’s son and wife were vacationing, so the plan was that Bob and mil would go out alone for a long cruise to run the generator. Later that afternoon she texted it had died while they were in the slip. I viewed that as providential protection as I don’t think Bob ever practiced getting the boat out of the new slip with his son. Plus, we have strongly urged them to not take it out on the weekends - the lake is much busier then. The reality is they are going to do whatever they d@mn well please.
Otherwise, hardly any communication from mil other than doing her puzzles. I sent a few pics throughout the move to the group. She’d briefly respond. Sil and I would have a major chit chat going. Eventually we just side-barred it.
Sometime last week I asked about her back. Doc was upping her Gabapentin and referred her to a neurosurgeon. She was waiting for a call from them. No idea if that happened. She NEVER follows through with any prior topics. Only answers what we ask her when we ask her.
Oh! I know what happened! A friend and former neighbor in mil’s former town invited mil for her birthday gathering the third week of August. She told this friend they would be there. That friend told Friend L (also invited to the birthday party) who told sil who told me. I know some of you don’t like the telephone game we have going on, but it is sometimes the only info we get. The point is mil has not mentioned this visit to sil at all. Has not told her they are coming to town, asked about seeing her or other grandson. It’s been at least a week since the former neighbor extended the invite. Now, I think it’s highly possible mil just said she’d go to be nice when she has no intention of doing that. Or she said, “yes,” and then Bob said, “no.” It is a week before their cruise, which is six weeks from today. So, still far out, but if I were in that situation I would have immediately reached out to sil to say that we are coming in town. In fact, my dh’s 45-year high school reunion is in October, and as soon as we had dates, I checked with sil if we could take her and dear nephew out for brunch while we are in town. I am a big time planner. But mil has not seen her daughter since the funeral the third week of April. One would think she’d reach out to plan something if she’s going to her former town anyway.
@MaineLonghorn, I think @deb922 nailed it. LF is going to pivot to spending in other ways. Giving the appearance of being understanding and even magnanimous by reining it in, when she really isn’t.
The eating out is frustrating. I have no idea if Bob and mil use up their meal allowance each month. I doubt it. They only get the equivalent if $10.50 pp, per day included, but they eat in the bistro much more than the dining hall (where the buffet is $10.50), and the bistro is cheaper. They eat dinner out most every night.
He has a good attorney, too. She helped with the will and the family trust. We’ll talk to an elder law attorney if necessary, but we’re hoping not to have to resort to that.
Good points, thanks. I’m not sure my dad will agree to cutting back on transportation, but the liability is a good point. He might be willing to go with that explanation.
I suspect MIL won’t go anywhere 1 week before their planned trip, so won’t even go to what she had said she’d attend. Who knows? I’m sad SIL and MIL are estranged, but it doesn’t sound like either are making steps to heal the breach at all. Very challenging.
I am not a Texas attorney but here are my 2 cents.
Just cuz you have a POA doesn’t mean he can’t continue to do things with his signature. Usually a POA gives permission to another person to ALSO sign but doesn’t strip the person from continuing to do things for himself. For that, you’d need a guardianship. For example, when I was a nanny the parents gave me a POA for medical emergencies for their children. That didn’t mean I had exclusive power to sign, just power in addition to theirs to sign for them at the ER or even school forms when they were out of town.
I’d be really (really) worried that LF will get Dad to sign a codicil to the Will giving her the condo or something else valuable (car, stocks, bank account, etc). Ask the Texas attorney about things the LF could do to screw up the estate.
Googled this: Yes, Texas legally recognizes holographic (handwritten) wills under Texas Estates Code § 251.052. Unlike a standard formal will, a holographic will in Texas does not require the signatures of witnesses or a notary to be considered legally valid.
I’m a suspicious person and watch way too much true crime. I can see LF having father write a holographic Will and having that supersede the current one. Or as someone said, marry the LF which could also screw things up.
My friend is so lucky with the in-home caregivers for her 103 year old MIL (who lives next door). It is a small agency and MIL was the 3rd grade teacher to the owner! We all trust them. MIL doesn’t own a car (never drove) and the caregivers use their own cars to get MIL to a doctor or dentist apt, really the only time she leaves the house. They do not have to get food or prescriptions as son does that.
Can’t speak for @MaineLonghorn, but my college roommate’s dad kept a car (even though he didn’t drive) so the caregiver could use it to take him to appointments, get his groceries, etc.
When my mil was interviewing caregivers, they said that they could drive her to appointments but they couldn’t leave her. She being in their care.
I was trying to throw things out there. It seems that all the incidental things are getting a bit out of control. In my opinion of course.
My mom had prescriptions delivered. My sibling had a Walmart plus subscription so my niece or sibling would order for things to be delivered. I ordered stuff from Amazon and Costco. Her independent living place delivered right to her door. It sounds like the caregivers aren’t thrilled with driving LF to and from.
Bob and mil are meeting Bob’s son at the boat this morning. Hopefully, he can help figure out what is going on with the generator. To me, they should all meet with the mechanic out there together.
Mil has now mentioned that their cruise at the end of the month is uncertain. I think they are still hoping to go, but clearly she is having second thoughts. All related to her back pain.
Through a series of questions posed on the group text, I have learned that she took Fosomax for a while and then was switched to Prolia injections. She did those for three years, and then her doctor (a PCP) had her stop cold turkey with NO return to the Fosomax or similar. This happened three years ago. I am no doctor, but my googling has indicated that this is NOT the proper standard of care and results in a serious rebound and immediate bone loss. She has definitely lost height and become more stooped and crooked in recent years. I asked if she had told her doc here that. “I think I told her??” “Her,” is the PCP at the CCRC. I urged her to tell this to ALL the docs she is seeing for her back (ortho, pain management, and now a neurosurgeon). I think she needs to see a rheumatologist or endocrinologist.
I’m really upset with her PCP in her former town. Someone Friend L always labeled as a, “quack.”
I found that as my dad aged, he was a terrible historian and completely inaccurate with his doctors. At one point, he was no longer comfortable driving to the city so I would go with him to his appointments and it was shocking what he “forgot” or chose to omit. I would sit behind him and shake my head at the nurse or doc doing the H&P. Frankly it was scary!
He would say “oh I didn’t think that was important” or “I didn’t want to bother the doctor with that”.
I’m on Prolia and my endocrinologist has been VERY FIRM about not stopping cold turkey and how important it is to follow Prolia with another Osteo medicine when I’m done with Prolia. They are also very particular about the shots being nearly EXACTLY 6 months apart.
Back pain can be so many things. I hope she gets it checked out and is honest about how it’s affecting her lifestyle, no matter her age.
