This is where I feel out of step with many on here.
I would tell MIL all that I’ve read and even offer to accompany her to her next doctor visit. She seems past the point of being a good advocate for herself and needs help.
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I would too. We all have different ways to get involved and one isn’t right and one isn’t wrong and so much comes into play. But I would feel like I would put the offer out there - wouldn’t pester her, but would stress that it’s important and I’m happy to accompany as a “bystander”.
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Since she has moved to where we live, I have offered to accompany her to MD appointments. I have very much cast it as, “It can be helpful to have another set of ears and someone to take notes.” Her reply was that Bob goes with her and asks excellent questions. Seems unlikely since he can’t hear well. 
I can’t remember if I wrote this here, but during some of these health discussions on the group text, I also suggested she provide a list of all her medications and dosages to both my dh and sil. I did not include myself. To her children. Her reply was something along the lines of, “That might take a bit of time.” Which, to me, is code for, “I’m not doing that.” She’ll forget I suggested it anyway.
I feel I must tread lightly since I am the in-law.
As far as sharing what I’ve read, maybe I should, but, again, I’m trying to find the proper balance. That’s why I suggested she share that info with her doctors.
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Fwiw, it sounds like she has boundaries and you are being as helpful as possible while respecting them. I think the most you can say is “From what I have read, your doctor should know about your previous osteoporosis meds - what you took and when and how you stopped.” You’ve already said most of that out loud.
These things are very hard. People have different views on how they manage their health, how much information they want, who they want to share with, how much they share, etc.
While one person might love getting info on their condition from a spouse, child, friend, etc., someone else might feel like it’s an invasion of their privacy. The challenges of people!
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Well, I’m off to my 50th hs reunion this week. I will not be bringing home a Bob!
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I don’t disagree with what anyone is saying about respecting boundaries. I think where I’m coming from it is that she might WANT agency and THINKS she is making good decisions, but a point comes where she doesn’t realize her judgment is not what it used to be. Witness: boat shenanigans.
I’ll give an example from my own life. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 84. She elected to have a mastectomy. That anesthesia did a number on her. One day at the doctor she disappeared while going to the bathroom. We could not find her. Turns out she had gone in and used the men’s public bathroom. Now, in her normal state this conservative Hispanic woman would have been MORTIFIED that she made that kind of mistake. After that, my sister and I made the call that mom would not have anymore procedures that involved anesthesia. For instance, she had a prolapsed uterus. Rather than opt for surgery, we guided her to a pessary.
To me, these medical decisions are akin to an old person wanting to drive when they are a hazard on the roads. They WANT to be able to drive, but sometimes someone needs to step in and take the wheel.
Not being critical of @Hoggirl at all. I want to present the idea that it’s OK and maybe will lead to better outcomes to be more forceful if/when the time comes. Deaf Bob isn’t going to cut it at the appts if she wants the best care. But, hey, I also could preach to let them live as they like and suffer the consequences. For me, a little intervention is preferrable, but to each their own.
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I certainly messed my posts up!
My mil isn’t inclined to listen to advice from anyone, especially me. Different than my mom, who although she didn’t want to, her daughters still gave unsolicited advice. Something I don’t do with my mil
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Delete
My MIL (and her kids) didn’t listen to me even when questions were on my wheel house. I give absolutely NO input now. There are six of her own kids who are capable of dealing with MILs issues.
I think sometimes in inlaw situations, you just need to take a giant step backwards. I listen, but I offer no advice.
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I understand your hesitation to make waves with your MIL but finding out she’s discontinued Prolia is one issue where it needs to be done. She NEEDS to understand how serious the repercussions are and that it’s very important to see a doctor immediately.
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My only issue with taking a hands-off approach is that when it hits the fan who is going to step in? If it’s me, then intervening before it’s a critical issue keeps my from being forced into crisis management prematurely. A bit of self preservation.
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I’m not alone. There are five other spouses and we all have the same stance. MIL is not our issue. There are six kids who are fully capable of dealing with her issues.
I will never be stepping in on this one. That decision has been fully made.
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I replied to you but didn’t mean to direct that to you. I meant in general an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, if I’m expected to help with the curing. I’m glad your dh has so many siblings to share the load. 
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Mil married a man she barely knew and everyone told her not to. I think she has been very adamant that Bob knows everything and is who she is listening to.
Why would @Hoggirl think she wants her advice on her osteoporosis medication? I think but am not sure that @Hoggirl has tried to broach this subject. If anyone wants to help, her son can make a suggestion that his mother should talk to his wife because they think there’s some concerns with her osteoporosis and her back pain.
Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes.
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She did the abrupt stoppage on the Prolia three years ago. I do think I read there is some other something that can be done to restrengthen her bones, but the, “rebound,” damage has already happened, right?
I told her she should tell her doctors. I guess I could re-state that to her. I guess I could also send her something to read.
I have a friend who will be 99 in December. Within the last month she has experienced a decline in her mobility. She is rebelling against all the help her family is trying to give her and bring in for her. Doesn’t think she needs it. It’s been maddening for her two daughters.
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I would find it hard to believe that her docs don’t know she stopped Prolia. It is a prescription injection and has to be prescribed - she must not be having any follow up with whoever prescribed for her. Maybe she hasn’t seen gone back to them and that could be why she doesn’t know the risk of stopping - is that right, does she realize she shouldn’t have stopped without doctor guidance ?
I have to believe if it’s been 3 years the damage has been done - but truthfully only a medical professional (and tests) can tell her.
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She married Bob and left her town and has new doctors here in our town.
Her PCP was the one who prescribed the Prolia. She took injections for three years. Then he had her stop them. I have no idea why. Two days ago (after my reading about it), I specifically asked if she took anything after the Prolia and she said, “No.” She absolutely followed up with the prescribing physician him as he continued to be her doctor for the three years she took nothing until she married Bob and moved. But, I have no idea if her medical records are with her new doctors up here. I do know she got her mammo films up here.
@Hoggirl I think you are being quite wonderful with your MIL. You are trying to reach out to her and help her…and you are there for her (if she wants that). Is anyone else reaching out to her the same way…your husband, your SIL (ok..we know bout the SIL). Even Bob.
You are trying..but you can’t make her listen, or understand what you are trying to tell her.
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It’s not unusual for her to only be prescribed Prolia for 3 years - certain numbers may have improved and it’s not meant to be a long term drug. But I’ve always been told and read that when you stop, you need to move to another osteo med. So that may be the misstep. (And maybe I didn’t understand this earlier) Not that she stopped but that she didn’t continue with another med for treatment.
I feel bad for you all! The worries keep adding up! It can be hard to just put that aside. 
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